[Calli]

We got matched today!! We were pretty sure (or at least hoping) last week that we were matched. We met with a birthmom who is due next month and we really liked her. Well apparently she liked us too!

We are now expecting a baby girl in April. Now we are scared--is this really real? Is this really finally happening? I need to do some serious shopping!!

[sinesadopt]

Congratulations on your match. As having been there the best advice I can tell you is to BREATH! I know I got so excited when we got matched with our son's birthmother, but was also very hesitant (we had one fail). In the end all worked out and our son is now 3.

Enjoy these next few weeks because things are going to change very fast!!

Again, congratulations.

[tobeafamily]

First, congratulations on your connection. Fortunately, April is not that far away.

I'd highly recommend the book "Baby Bargains" by Sam & Denise Fields. They were right on-target about so many things. The only times I wasn't happy were when I didn't follow their advice.

Second, get busy doing lots of other stuff. This time can be very challenging emotionally, so be good to yourselves. Go to movies, dinner, out with friends, see an art show,take a class, anything you can to keep your mind off the 'what if's' because the 'what if's' will make you crazy.

Hang in there.

Regina

[Linny]

One of the best pieces of advice I have heard and realized, is to make sure you don't get 'ultra-prepared' for this baby until the release is actually signed. Remember that up until she signs, that baby is hers....period. I have seen so many couples get ultra-excited about upcoming babies, only to have their hopes totally dashed by the fact that the birthparents choose to parent.

So, with this in mind, you have to walk a kind of 'tightrope'.....hoping and preparing your heart for a wee one to hold and love; all the while, realizing that this may not go through, either. It's a tough ride, for certain.

In one of our situations, we brought the baby home from the hospital, but would not name her, until the relinquishment time was over (3 days). I thought it would be fairly easy. By the second day, I was a mess.......and had to do a lot of praying to get me through. In the end, the birthmother went ahead with her adoption plan.

While this is wonderful news, just be careful not to let your heart get too ahead of your head. Prepare, but keep a rein on your emotions. (Soooooo easy to say, and very hard to do!)

Best of luck....

Sincerely,

Linny

[coco46]

Calli,

Congratulations on your match! It's exciting and scary at the same time, isn't it? It's OK to let yourself be happy, to shop for baby things, and to feel nervous and want to pass out at the same time. These are all things we're feeling right now, too. Take care of yourselves now. Read, get some rest, enjoy those nice long baths...and keep busy! Doing the nursery and (somewhat obsessively ) reading about adoption and parenting is helping me fill the days.

Regina recommended a great book, and I second her on that, it's a must read before you shop for the big stuff!

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[cynthia900]

Calli,

Congratulations on the match - wonderful news. My advice is to do and enjoy the things that you won't be able to do as easily after the baby - movies in the theatre, dates out with hubby, a weekend away if you can, etc. If you feel like nesting, go ahead and enjoy but there will also be plenty of time for that after baby.

What will be will be so try not to get too anxious (she says sitting here unmatched - after a whole day of the agency having my profile ).

My other advice is not to tell everyone you know - having folks ask all the time just makes the wait worse.

Good luck and enjoy!

Cynthia

[rocky1]

we were recently matched too! it looks like our girls are due around the same time! i am a nervous wreck! i want to be excited and I am! i take every positive and multiply it times 1000! and i know people mean well when they tell us that the pbmom might change their mind! don't they know WE KNOW that!!!!! go ahead and be excited YOU"VE EARNED IT!!!!! today is a great day enjoy it !!!! we can take one day at a time!!!!!!

[amom4life]

Calli~
Congratulations on your match!! How exciting!!

I agree with Linny though as one who has gone through two failed adoptions...be happy,have fun, but guard your heart somewhat. Also I wouldn't run out and buy a lot of pink right away. My suggestion would be to buy the things now that you need that could be used for either sex. And a couple girlie things for fun.
Judy

[Calli]

Thank you all for your advise...I hadn't even considered that this adoption may not go through!! Now I'm a little more guarded in my excitement. But I'm still excited because at least someone chose us!!

[amom4life]

You have every reason to be excited Calli and I'm glad you are! I'm also glad you're guarding your heart a little because we can hope for the best, but it's never a sure thing until the baby is born and the expectant parents sign.

We didn't think that two of the expectant mothers we were matched with would change their minds either. But the fact is they did and it was painful. At the time we were told that changing of the mind rarely happens so I'm just sharing this with you not to take away from your excitement and joy, but just so you go in with your eyes wide open. Oh and so you don't rush out and buy a bunch of baby things that you may have to return...that also happened to us.

Anyway with all that said I'm truly hoping that this match works out and that this is the child meant for you! Again CONGRATULATIONS on your match!!!!!
Judy

[ellemeth]

I'm sure you've heard this before from tons of people but since no one mentioned it here...

Don't wash baby clothes that you think you might want to return!

My aunt and uncle adopted years ago but their first match was supposed to be a girl. They went out and bought a whole bunch of cute girl clothes and washed them. The match failed and the baby they ended up adopting was a boy. I've been luckky in that all of my girls have flashed teh ultrasound tech nicely but you never know...

[dina62]

Congrats on your match Calli! We just recently signed up for adoption and are in the waiting phase...how long did it take for you to get a match? Are you doing agency or independent?

Great advice from all people here...I keep wondering how I should feel/act when we eventually get our match. Knowing my own personality, I would be on the excited but guarded side of things just to protect my heart...but I guess guarded or excited...you would feel the same pain if for some reason it didn't go thru. But that said....Your match is so exciting and I'm thinking positive thoughts for you that all will go incredibly well.

God Bless.

[LisaCA]

hi calli,

first let me say congrats-It's so exciting to be selected, isn't it? there are a ton of things to do, and many have been listed here. The baby bargains book is spectacular-saved me a ton of money.

fyi, the woman you met with isn't technically a birthmom until she places a child in an adoption plan. The folks here on the boards let me know that the correct terminology is "potential birthmom", commonly abbreviated to "pbmom" (I've learned a lot from the folks here ).

we took the time to price everything, research brands and figure out what was really needed (and there's soooo much baby stuff out there-like when you were planning a wedding, most of the stuff isn't really necessary). we also registered for the baby stuff (we tried to figure out how to add a 52 inch flat screen tv to the list but were unable to sneak it in) and that took forever to decide. We also took the time to figure out what to do with announcements, you'll need to get addresses in order, pick out what you want or at least look at the many options, etc.

finally enjoy your time together before the little one arrives. buy stuff for yourself, because afterward its just baby stuff. one thing i didn't do and I regret it- buy knits and stuff that baby can puke on, is easily washable but looks nice (knit skirts, sweaters, shirts, etc). Can't tell you how many times dd has thrown up on me and it doesn't always look good .

Best of luck to you,

lisa

[Guspiv]

CONGRATS!!! I am glad that you and your potential birthmother made a connection.

I second the baby bargain book, GET IT! It is soo helpful. It will help you decide what you need on your registry and what you need to get right away. It helps you sort through all of the differnet brands and everything. Also, if you havent already take a baby care basics class at your local hospital this is very helpful, if you dont mind being in a room full of pregnant women. Also read what to expect the 1st year, this is very helpful also.
I am going to give it to you straight every single day is going to be crazy you will be thinking will she deliver today, is this it is this our child yada yada yada. I went crazy and our son had a nerve to be 10 days LATE! So good luck with that and feel free to vent here while you are waiting, the people on these boards are great!
Take time for yourself. People arent kidding when they say enjoy all your sleep now!

[kllee4]

Congratulations on your match!!!!!!!!

Sorry, No advice here as we are still in "watiing mode"!