[MMC66]

I decided to do my own little personal survey of the various bigger adoption agencies that offer domestic adoptions and their web pages. I saw only an occasional non-white face either corrosponding to birthmothers, babies or prospective parents. This makes no sense to me. This is only perpetuating the problem of unwillingness to adopt non-white babies or an acceptance of those who do.

Just had to blow off a little steam - any thoughts?

Martha

[BrandyHagz]

There are far fewer black Americans who adopt in comparison to their white counterparts. Additionally, some white Americans tend to want to adopt a child that “looks like them” when adopting.

It can be frustrating, but at the same time, you have to respect their decision not to bring an ethnic (anything other than white) child into their home, if they aren’t prepared to parent a child of another ethnic background.

I know when I was researching transracial adoption, my husband and I really had to look down deep within ourselves, we had to evaluate our home, our way of life, the area we live in and the people who live around us, before we were able to make the decision that we would be willing to adopt across racial lines. Some people just don't feel like they can do it, and that’s a shame…but I have to respect their ability to admit that they aren’t able to parent “any” child…

To really understand the reason, you have to find out why they are unwilling to accept a black American child. Is it because Grandpa Frank is a Dixie Flag waiving racist? Is it because they don't want their child to feel singled out in their primarily white neighborhood? Is it because they don't feel they can embrace the culture and instill pride in the child regarding their culture? I think all of those are very valid reasons for choosing not to adopt transracially.

We all know what our limitations are; all we can do is respect the decision of other people in regards to their limitations regarding transracial adoption.

Like you Martha, I used to become very frustrated by it…I’m not so much any more… advertisers try to target their market audience, that audience is comprised of more white American couples than black American couples…I’d like to see more transraical ad’s involving black American babies. They already seem comfortable showing ads for white American parents who have adopted from other countries…yet we see far fewer transracial (black/white) ad’s, to me that’s curious.

[MMC66]

I definitely respect people's decisions about their adoption decisions. However, I think that adoption agencies are having a hard time placing non white infants and I think that the pervasiveness of white only advertising could be influencing this - you could pose the chicken or the egg debate. I also believe in some ethics in advertising and I think that all races should be represented, especially by non-profit organizations. From my research, adoption agencies push the non-profit status right to the edge. But that's another issue.

I still want to see more non-white faces in agency advertising.

[BrandyHagz]

I agree!

I think that most of the banner Ad's that are here on the site are made by the sister company to Adoption.com that deals with Adoption Websites and Ad packages. Next time I talk to Sarah (Kiwi) I will ask her!

[LisaCA]

from what I understand, blacks adopt at higher rates than whites, it's just not "formal" adoption thru an agency or atty. and one reason they don't do as much formal adoption is the feeling you get when you attend many adoption orientations. without going into a ton of detail (dd wants her yogurt NOW!) dh and I found ourselves appalled at what we saw and heard. we heard anecdotes about the "perfect blonde babies", encountered very little information about race at all, were told about time and expenses, which often do not apply to AA, etc. If i were wandering in to find out more about adoption, boy would I have heard enough. dh and I had read a ton before we showed up, so we weren't deterred. All of the social workers were white, all the adoption officials, etc. The idea that black pbmoms are turned away from some agencies is something that gets around. we went with a facilitator that places children of color and has a rep for recruiting same race placements (half of their matches are same race matches). so some agencies/facilitators managed to find people of color, but others "can't"

and the "baby that looks like them" argument is a bit suspect since there are many international adoptions from china and domestic latino/asian adoptions etc. Apparently for some, anything but black is fine by them (this is not to condemn all transracial international or domestic non black adoptions. This is to point out that many who list will request a number of diff. race/ethnicities, but will not list AA).

there is also a feeling that adoption and foster care are intertwined. since some AA suspect foster care admin. of using race to determine whether to pull a child, this baggage is carried over to the adoption arena. Since there's not much there to suggest they're incorrect, it becomes a problem.

yeah, its frustrated me for years and I doubt I'll change my feelings any time soon.

frustrated and angry baby, must feed...

[MargieMe]

As a single AA prospective amom, I was DISGUSTED by the attitude of many agencies. First, "...and your husband's name?" When I replied I had no husband there was this lllllllooooooonnnnnngggggggg pause, like this was completely unhead of. The second was when an agency stated that "one of the couple had to regularly attend" church services (w/in their denomination), but there was flexiblity when you (perspective parents) were interested in a special needs or minority child. What?! The "defective" and the "nonwhite" don't need the a church going family?! I am not a regular attendee of any denomination, but I have a regular, close relationship with God and if we are all equal in His/Her eyes, how do people justify that the homes for some children can be "sub-par"?

Sorry to vent like this but as an AA and a special education teacher, I know that those with a heavier cross to bear need all the more support. And eliminating what these agencies promote as an important characteristic for families for those that may have that heavier burden, particularly for those adopting transracially, seems like they are devaluing certain children when comparing them to healthy, white kids.

Sorry to go on like this, but some things just make me crazy!

[SchmennaLeigh]

As a Mother who placed a biracial baby, the agencies using advertising on this website should be aware that their advertising HIGHLY OFFENDED me. However, I eventually broke down and contacted two even though their advertising was still offensive.

[Binyasa]

I think it's highly offensive in *any* advertising to exclusively show the faces/voices of white, upper-middle class people and families. One of the major reasons my partner (we're a two mom adoptive family) and I decided to adopt independently was to bypass giving our business/money to any agency who devalued children of color or 'non-traditional' families for *any* reason.

I've been told I'm only acceptable to parent a special needs child, I've filled out forms where you were able to choose the race of the child you were interested in adopting and had there be no African American choice to choose (mind you there was a "CC/AA" option, as well as most other race combos), and I've submitted info on my partner and I to a leading affiliate of this website for listing as PAPs and been told that our 'lifestyle' precludes us from being presented to birthparents.

Our son's birthmother (who is white -- our child is biracial, birthdad is essentially unknown so we don't know his racial background but he is a person of color) originally matched with three families before finding us -- two of whom had significant reservations about what our son's skin color would be. They wanted a baby, and were 'willing' to adopt a biracial child -- as long as there was a relative guarantee that he'd be light-skinned.

The attitudes of many white PAPs and of adoption officials truly amazes me. I'm no where near as eloquent as LisaCA and Margie, but all forms of institutional racism need to be spoken out against, and loudly.

I'd encourage anyone who feels similarly to open their check book and donate money (or time) to one of the organizations who's mission is to increase the number of adoptive families of color. Also -- something like your agency's advertising (as an example) rubs you the wrong way -- don't be silent. Call them on it. Everytime they hear that something won't be condoned -- they're much more likely to change whatever it is to not lose business. Especially those of you who are white adoptive parents -- use your privilege (since they're advertising to us, ROAR) to create a positive change for *all* involved with adoption.

just my two cents. Sorry this was a bit jumbled -- I get no sleep due to one very cute (though very colicky) one month old. lol

[LisaCA]

very eloquent, binyasa. Definitely, don't use agencies that perpetuate this as binyasa suggests. If you need to use that agency (and there are many reasons why some of us may not have flexibility) there are non profit folks who will "educate" your agency about what they may need work on. I called our facilitator who does non profit work, and she lectured my agency (it was better received by them than by us). it eventually led to a series of seminars including one specifically on Transracial placements (absolutely necessary as our agency did not do these).

as a person who abhors discrimination, I went with our facilitator who supports and works with gay and lesbian parents. they also sponsor camps for multiracial families formed thru adoption and we donate in support of them. There are many of these groups out there and they deserve our support. binyasa's right, it is particularly important for white parents to take up this fight.

and binyasa, I'm amazed that you can form a sentence after a month with a cranky baby, let alone write so well-I'm truly jealous of your ability to hold it together. you must share your secret with us all .

[MMC66]

I talked with several agencies in our area Unfortuantely, the one working with our bmom was very biased - racially, culturally, socioeconomically, you name it...and is situated in one of the most affluent communities in MA and their clientele is almost exclusively the six figure white traditional family crowd looking for the "blonde haired, blue eyed" baby (preferrably with an impresssive bloodline) sorry, I digress...

Anyway, I don't know much about NFP status in the adoption community but I do know about health care and it's quite tricky and lots of the same !@#$ that goes on in big business goes on in the NFP arena. DH and I decided to make a donation this year to an adoption agency, our money did NOT go to any of the agencies we dealt with on Addy's adoption (lots of reasons I won't spell out) We specifically looked for an agency that worked with ALL KINDS of families, worked hard to place special needs kids, went the extra mile for birthmoms, did extra stuff in the community etc. These agencies are out there but unfortunately they are few and far between, they don't have big advertising budgets (thus my original point) so unfortunately, they may not reach as many birthmothers or even potential adoptive families who may not be looking for the perfect "blonde haired blue eyed baby"

Take home message: Non profit status does not necessarily go hand and hand with ethics and virtue.

stepping down off my soapbox now...

Martha

[BethanyB]

I so agree with LisaCA. I'm also a little suspect of the whole "wanting the child to look like me" statement. I know a LOT of people who are totally okay with crossing racial lines and adopting from China or Guatamalia but just are not open to adopting a black child. Our society is still very much biased against people of African American culture.

Agencies should provide images of people from all walks of life and heritages. I dated a black man who would not buy clothes from A&F because they never showed any people of color in their ads. They finally started doing so last year.

We all want to see ourselves represented in society. This goes for people of color too. -Not just whites.

[angeluv]

LisaCa is right......all stats indicate that AA's do adopt at a higher rate but through informal means. The number of agency adoptions by AA is very small. The fact that there are often no non-white faces in agency ads "seems" to support what a number of AA's believe. Culturally we believe that AA's don't make adoption plans for their infants. As a 45 year old woman, I have not known one person on a personal level who placed their child for adoption. I've known very few who adopted children that weren't through family or community connections. I can't speak for other cities but the agencies in my city are located in obscure parts of town and they're no-where near the AA community. Even if an AA couple wanted to locate an agency.....they'd have to find it through the yellow pages and that too is very scary...especially with the negative stories you see/read about unscrupulous agencies and facilitators. AA's see tons of ads about "waiting children" who're older and yes those children need adoptive families. But for those who want infants....they don't know they're available. For those of you who saw the 60 minutes story involving an agency in Georgia who is placing a number of AA infants with Canadian families who are Caucasian, I cringed when the director of the Agency said they can't find AA adoptive families and when asked if they had made a concerted effort by maybe contacting AA churches, he said they hadn't thought about that as an option. (I had a really hard time believing that) If your target is AA's or for that matter anyone wishing or willing to adopt a non-white infant, agencies have got to let their target audiences know these babies are available. Sorry for the soap box but this issue is very disturbing to me. By all means, please make the affiliates of Adoption.com or any other agency who is failing to include non-white faces is their ads know....there's a tremendous need to improve their communications with "all races/ethnic backgrounds and for the infants they place who are all from various ethnic backgrounds. Angeluv

[BethanyB]

There MUST be African American women who are placing their children for adoption because private agencies are in great need of families to take these children. A few private agencies I contacted quoted VERY short waiting periods because there were so many AA children available. Some as short as a week or two. Now they just need to bring in people willing to provide these children with a loving home. Like for instance, showing AA people in their advertisments.

[LisaCA]

there are women who do decide that adoption is their best option. dd's bmom was not an adult, and decided to go forward with an adoption plan. She was counseled at her school about her options, and when she told her parents half way thru her pregnancy, they told her how they felt. I think there were many factors that played into her decision:

1. awesomely smart. she was doing very well academically when she "met a guy". her grades continued to be quite high throughout her pregnancy.She clearly has plans.

2. her parents, while providing their opinion, let her go forward and do what she felt best. her parents are middle class, her dad is a social worker, and they were clear before their daughter's pregnancy that it was a difficult road for girls who raise their children.

3. She had a family member who became pregnant at a young age, so she was well aware what it entailed to raise a child.

4.she had friends who supported her decision. While she also had friends who didn't understand, she had a strong core of friends who did and who visited her in the hospital. (I have a ton of pictures of all the girlfriends hanging out with her and holding dd ).

5. The trend for young black women is to consider adoption as a viable alternative. The number of teenage pregnancies is down in the black community, many women are aware of their options, etc.

6. She is from a large city, and so there were black social workers in her community. when she went into her agency, they were welcoming to her. While they didn't provide all the support that I would have preferred (large agency, rather old fashioned about the open adoption thing), my facilitator was able to step in and have a good talk with her about her options, making sure she was aware that there were ways for her to raise her child, what adoption would mean for her, both now and down the road, that she could change her mind at any time til signing, that she could delay signing if she wanted, etc.

7. She wanted a black family and was able to find one, even if we were formally matched a day before labor . we picked us for a number of reasons, including the fact that we are tempermentally similar and actually our families look a lot alike (I look like her mom, and her mom looks like my aunt), and I'm a veggie and she was one. I believe my career helped a lot as well. I don't know what they would have done if they couldn't find a black family for dd - but it was the major requirement. and there were no families in the chicago area working with the agency for adoption so they contacted our facilitator who was known for having aa families.

and yes, there were so many children presented to us that we had to say no to several possible placements. we paid the full amount, so any agency would be thrilled to have us walk in the door. Since dd's placement with us we've shared our story with a number of AA and AA/CA parents who are now considering adoption and viewing it in a new light. And it takes very little to do this outreach. imagine what could happen if agencies and sws actually made the effort...

[Volfe]

Interesting and truthful thread.

I have read somewhere that many AA/ AA-CA newborns from the New Orleans area are adopted elsewhere (CA, IL, Canada, etc). I found that bothersome at the time. Since I found this thread I tried to find that article again but got caught on a tangent and checked out agency websites listed in an article about Canadians adopting AA children...

I was disappointed to read this and find it offensive, as if any non-blond-eyed, fair-skinned child is Lesser
"Transracial: Same race adoption is ideal. We do believe however, that Tran racial adoption can be an excellent option for minority birth parents. Your racial preference in choosing a family for your baby is important to us."

The link for AA Newborn Adoption doesn't work (but the Caucasian baby Link works). hrmmmm.

I feel that any Expectant Woman, any Child to be Placed... they should all be treated equally...

Maia