[jennied]

I know I have seen this topic on the threads, but I can't seem to find it so I'm going to re-ask a common question. How do you answer the questions from strangers such as "Who does he get his curly hair from?", "When did you have him?", "Does he look like your husband?". Things like that. I've been saying, "Well... he is adopted." but then got to thinking that this is his business and maybe I shouldn't be so open. I have not encountered people being malicious or rude, only curious and a little nosey .

Thanks,
jenn

[momofmykids]

Is your baby bi-racial? In 2001, my cousin was in prison and pregnant and we kept her baby for a few months until she was released. She met another woman in there who was also pregnant with no family and we kept her baby until she was released. Both babies were bi-racial. My husband has red hair and freckles and I have brown hair and fair skin and I got alot of those kind of questions (living in the south, some of them weren't so friendly. Alot of people here still have problems with bi-racial babies. Go figure! ) One of the boys, Jeremy, looked much more AA than Micah did. People thought they were twins and did have questions. With Jeremy, his father is unknown and Micah does look like his dad. I'd tell people that Jeremy looked like his mom and Micah like his dad. They would give strange looks, but I didn't feel like I owed them any explanation, and you don't either. If you know that one bparent had curly hair, then say he gets it from his "dad" and keep going.

Good luck,
Jill

[jennied]

He is biracial, and is very fair so he looks like he could be our bio kid. Both my husband and I are cc and pretty fair. The curly hair just gets people talking it seems. Oh, what nice curly hair, oh he has so much hair....

[MamaTo6]

I am very fair with very blue eyes. Dh is fair skinned too. Our son is darker skinned with the darkest eyes you ever saw. Dh and I both have straight hair too and we are small people. Our son is a big boy with wavy hair.
When people ask me where he gets his dark skin or dark eyes or wavy dark hair from.... I tell them ...ME! Its obvious that we look nothing like our son but it shuts the people up anyway....and we get a good laugh from the looks they have on their faces.
We also got our baby at birth so when asked Oh when did you have him, I tell them last March. Also its obvious that I didn;t have him, because of my age so that shuts them up too. LOL.
I've learned to have some fun with it.

Warm Wishes....Teagans Mama

[BlueMommy]

If it is just a casual stranger I see no need in clarifying how my son came into this world. I also have a bio son and I would never feel I had to clarify my baby as "adopted" when he is my son, no different than his older brother.

If it is someone who has a vested interest in knowing our personal business then I would share it. And when he is older he can tell people himself if he so chooses.

I will say that when I was first in public with my baby people would say I looked great for having just given birth and I just said "thank you". End of story.

[cynthia900]

Hi,

If I think the question may be motivated by a real desire to know, I will ask them why they want to know so if appropriate we can start a dialogue about adoption (I like to help folks who need help adopting). But if it is just nosiness from a person I don't know I either have some fun or ignore it. Pretend you are a politician and ignore the question asked and answer something different ie "your girls don't look anything alike" "Thank you - I do think they are beautiful" for example usually works.

Cynthia

[Overwhelmed!]

Jenn- these are very good questions that you pose. Jacob is now 11 weeks old and, especially the first month, I got a lot of comments about how great I looked for having just given birth. The expressions that accompanied those comments ranged from friendliness to skepticism. In the beginning, I felt the need to "admit" that Jacob was adopted and to divulge related info. Now, I've realized that I don't owe that information to every stranger that makes comments or asks questions. I'm more comfortable sharing non-private information about Jacob's adoption with my close family and friends and answering questions they may, but not always with strangers.

So for the questions you pose, here are my suggestions:

"Who does he get his [insert physical feature] from?" - I'd answer, from his mother's/father's side of the family.

"When did you have him?"- I'd answer, he was born [insert date].

"Does he look like your husband?"- I'd answer, in certain ways.

How's that for some vague answers?

[awebaby]

How about this for a blanket answer,
"FROM GOD"!

I had a friend whose daughter had the most beautiful golden curls, shes was about 5, when I asked her where she got those curls... her answer was "FROM GOD".

I love the wonder of childer --
out of the mouths of babe!

[kelleymac]

I'm caucasian, fair, blonde and blue-eyed. My son is Guatemalan, with gorgeous dark skin and eyes, and an incredible head of dark hair. When we're alone together, I most often get asked if he's mine,to which I simply reply: "yes!" I have had a few folks ask if my husband is Filipino/Hispanic/Mexican, and I usually answer no and leave it at that.

If people press, and they have been kind and interested, I generally am willing to tell them that we adopted my son. Although I know a lot of people believe that it's his story, I am incredibly proud of his story, how unique it makes him and people are almost invariably supportive and interested in it.

I think it's fine for you to just say, "curly hair must come from my husband's side." or "we can't imagine where it came from either!" (Actually, that was a common comment my folks used to make about my sister and her curly hair. She is their bio child, but the ONLY one in generations with ringlet curls.)

Kelley

[jennied]

Thanks for all the great insight!

[mglv]

for odd questions I get even from my bio son, I just answer "it runs in the family"

whose family it doesn't matter, heck I don't even know sometimes - but it's good enough for people to end their questions.

[Kmac]

Thanks to you Amoms for your witty replies to questions about your babies.

My husband and I are both cc and our daughter is Mexican-American. She was 3 days old when we scooped her up and we have loved every minute! However, there have been moments -mostly comical, mostly inconsequential, but a few irksome-when the questions and comments of strangers have left me nonplussed.

A few people have asked, "is that your baby?" I say, "yes." They ask, "is the father Hispanic?" I say, "yes."

Since we had to fly Sophia back from Texas, we had her out in public a lot more than the usual tiny little newborn. People would say, "you look great for just having had a baby." The first few times, I said, "we adopted her." For some reason, these people almost always said "Oh. sorry!"

I assume they said "sorry" because they felt embarrassed or something, but it started to make me feel that even though Sophia is too young to understand them, I don't want to set any kind of precedent where the word "adopted" is followed by "sorry."

So now, at 10 weeks, when people ask, "How do you look so good after just giving birth?" I say, "Pilates."

[kelleymac]

KMac:

What a great reply! I've had that comment a few times, mostly when my son was newly home.

BTW, love your login name...it's the nickname my husband calls me.

Kelley

[blessedx3]

We had some new neighbors move in when dd was just a few months old. I hadn't really met our neighbor but one day she saw us out in the yard so came over to the fence to talk. Out of the blue she asked if I breast or bottle fed. huh!!!! I said bottle and that was the end of that. The funny part is my dh and I are cc and baby is aa. My hubby and I just laughed and wondered what the neighbors thought was going on over here. I just think some questions are to personal to answer and I just don't feel the need to share. I really think most nosey people aren't interested in adoption anyway they are just being nosey.

[spitzlvr]

I just thought I would add to the list of odd questions. My bio-niece has an Italian dad and a Puerto Rican Mom. Both have dark eyes and hair. Both famililes have dark hair and eyes. A was born with RED hair! (She is now 13, and it has since darkened, tho it is still lighter than the rest of the family).

You should have heard the comments! ASKING point blank (thinking if they laugh it is OK) if the baby belongs to the postman. Wondering if the baby was switched in the hospital. Comments to my brother (her dad), that she can't be his!!!

It made us so mad!!!