[texasmom-to-be]

How far reaching is the legal limit for "post adoption counseling"? It was my understanding that the counseling needed to be related to the adoption of your child, but we are being pressured to pay for drug/alcohol counseling for our child's birthparent (including some kind of fees for attending a court hearing completely unrelated to our adoption) several months after placement and any other counseling had been concluded. It's not that we don't care about the welfare of our child's birthparent (we do), but we feel it is not our duty to pay for birthparent expenses outside of those related to our adoption. I understood that anything outside of maternity expenses or those related to the welfare of the child being adopted would be illegal for us to pay. Am I mistaken? Or is this a gray area?

[sandymomof2]

This could be kind of a touchy subject. We adopted 2 times privately, and each time we paid for counseling for the bfamily. Both times, we put a monetary cap on what we would pay - and it could be used however they wanted to use it. The first time, we agreed to a set number of sessions (and in my opinion, not enough but that was all that was asked of us, which happened to be 3) but then the counselor called us and asked if we would agree to more and we agreed to a max of 5 that we would pay for.

The second time, we agreed to a monetary cap which was never met, and it's been over a year. I feel really bad about this one since our bmom had only one session and I know she could have benefitted from more. The downside was that the counselor travelled to her and charged us for travel time (the bmom lived rather far away from any major city). I don't think the bmom ever saw the invoice or knew the travel charges or that she hadn't "used up" her allotment, but never took advantage of additional sessions.

A reasonable approach for you could be to agree to pay for x dollars (whatever you are comfortable with) and the bmom can use it for whatever type of counseling is needed. If she chooses to use it for drug counseling, then it's her choice and is something she perceives to be more important than pertaining to the adoption, but deep down it could all be connected.

Hope this helps....

Sandy

[SchmennaLeigh]

Is it possible that the birthmother's need for drug/alcohol counseling relates directly to the reasons she placed the child for adoption? If so, that's probably why you're being approached for payment. So often, the reasons that birthparents place are woven into the lives that they were leading prior to placement. Some of my post-placement counseling (which I paid for myself) dealt with eating disorders, OCD and some prior abuse. Many of those things LEAD me to be where I was (physically/mentally) at the time of conception and placement. They could not be removed, one from the other, because of how life weaves itself together in the tapestry of our lives.

Discuss it with your agency/social worker to get a good feel as to if the drug/alcohol contingent really is a factor into the placement of the child. If it's not, petition not to pay.

[KatieMill]

Check with your lawyer or agency. WE are in Tx and adopted in Tx. Our expenses ran for 6 weeks after birth. It is illegal in Texas to pay anything other than birthing or living expenses related to the birth.

Our agency / lawyer were entwined...but they counselled us not to pay anything after that. We were requested by bmom to pay her rent after the 6 weeks--

Also, if you begin to pay on that...you may get into some major fees. I can't remember now if it was drug/alcohol counselling or treatment that you mentioned...but with treatment you're looking at big money.

Wish you well!