[LisaCA]

...I have a few questions. We have dd (she's currently 7.75 months) in a room by herself, in a 3 bdrm house. the 3rd bedroom is my office. We have a huge family room of 500 sq feet, which we plan to use for kid play and tv (and it's the bunny room). My thought is that we'd like to adopt number two, but are not anxious to eliminate my office, at least not yet. we'd like to keep the two kids together in one room, til dd's 5 or 6 (when we plan to move and get a 4bdrm house somewhere other than CA).

so my questions: did you have a separate nursery for your second adoption? was it required by your agency? what was it like to have two kids with different ages in one room? we suspect dd will be 2 or so when the newborn arrives. Did you keep the newborn in your room for a few months before moving baby into toddler's room? Does it matter to your agency if there are different genders in one room at such a young age? And if the room you used isn't too big, how did you manage space? our thinking is that we'd get a trundle bed for dd, and a crib for newborn, but then later switch to bunk beds if we haven't moved yet.

we're just early on in thinking about what we need for kid # 2 while we raise kid #1. I know it sometimes takes a bit of time for # 2 to arrive, but then again it can happen instantly. our timeline is to start the paperwork renew homestudy starting after xmas. Since we have a bit of time, we're trying to budget for various expenditures (such as new furniture, etc) which is why we're thinking ahead.

btw, our thinking is that we'd wait til dd was 2 and possibly on her way to being pottytrained before we dove into diapers fulltime (and also old enought to be in some sort of schooling for a few hours if need be). for those who've done this before, is this sound thinking? Are there some other things we should be thinking about? are we crazy or do we just need to get a few more cats instead ?

thanks for the advice,

LisaCA

[Jensboys]

Lisa - We are in a four bedroom house, with 4 kids. Our 8 and 3 year olds currently share, and our 10 and 7 year old currently share. I have an office as well. We have JUST reached the point where things are getting uncomfortable and our 3 year old is driving our 8 year old bonkers by leaving his laundry all over . So ... I am loosing my office. 10 year old is "getting" his own room (the office) because he is the oldest, and 3 year old is moving in with 7 year old (leaving 8 year old with his own room by default).

They have always loved sharing a room, and for a couple of years we had the oldest three in the same room because noone wanted to be alone. So ... all that is a rambling way to say that yes, I think sharing is great and the kids love it and its fine. You might want to NOT have them share until baby is sleeping through the night ... but I always had my babies in my room until then anyways.

And ... my oldest two are 15 months apart (full bio sibs), our bio son is 18 months younger than #2, and then #4 arrived three and a years later. BY FAR ... its been easier in the long run to have 3 close in age. They play so well together and are on the same ability level which makes it easier to do family things together (ie biking, hiking etc).

Our "baby" has been more work (in a different way) because of the big gap in age.

Jen

[sandymomof2]

Hi Lisa:

Wanted to let you know I always enjoy your posts and your writing style and sense of humor!

We have adopted 2 girls - both at birth. We started looking for number 2 when number 1 was about 8 months old, thinking that it would take a while. Our oldest was 2.5 when our 2nd was born. We have a large house (5 bedrooms) so now the girls each have their own room. Our 5th bedroom is on the 1st floor so it's the computer room. All the rest are on the 2nd floor.

I don't think our homestudy agency required that the kids have their own rooms.

With our youngest, we got through with ICPC shortly before Christmas, 2004, and had a ton of guests coming for the holidays. We have a large master bedroom so assembled the crib in our room from the minute we got home, and ended up having both girls in our room while the guests were here so that our guests had a place to sleep, and then got back to normal just before New Year's. We started our younger daughter in her own room then (she was about 3 weeks old) and she's been there ever since.

The bedroom that our older daughter is in has 2 twin beds in it now, and if the girls want to share a room when they're a little older it's available to them - but I assume by the time they're teenagers they'll probably want to be at opposite ends of the house from each other!!

Good luck on your journey for baby #2! I'm personally going a little crazy lately since our oldest (age 3.5) has been extremely whiny for about the last week and dh left town this morning for a week long business trip! But overall, having 2 is the perfect number for us. I don't think I have the energy to go for #3! (BTW, after reading your "grandma thread" I had to tell you that we were at a dinner the other night and someone asked me if DH was my son! I'm 46 and he's 43. I made sure the guy was mortified for asking!!! )

Sandy

[LisaCA]

sandy-ouch ! I think I would have ripped that guy a new one. the fact that he is still living (he is, right?) is a testament to your goodness . dh is going away on business for a week(!) next monday, so look for many whiny posts about how i didn't sign up to be a single mom, blah, blah. My sympathies!

Thanks for the tips guys. and jen, I'm sorry for the loss of your office. I intend to fight to the death, mostly because I like having my own space (well, not really mine, I share with the cats).

each of us three girls had our own rooms and loved it, so I'm squeamish about putting two together. Of course dh won't like the baby in our room idea, mostly because we now alternate a good night's sleep by having one of us in dd's room each night. ah well, we need to embrace change. Since dh resists change, we'll need a year or so to get him on board.

thanks.

[katieb31323]

Hi

when we were first placed with #2 she had her own room...then we ended up moving when she was 2 1/2 month old and long story short #1 and #2 (a boy and a girl) shared a room until they were 2 and nearly 4. After doing two young children both ways, I much preferred them sharing a room. We had one diaper area...one cuddle story area....one play area. It was so much easier to care for them that way. 2 rooms started to make feel like a yo-yo! I could change one, set them down in the same room to watch them, wash hands and change the other. Then back to playing. Or feed the younger one a bottle while the older played.

Never was a problem with any of the "authorities"

Kathy

[sandymomof2]

...agh!... I just typed in a long reply and it disappeared! Here's a shortened version.

I forgot to mention a few things in my earlier post...

I don't think it's a big deal to have 2 kids in diapers. We overlapped for about 9 months and to tell you the truth, sometimes diapers are easier than the potty! When dd tells us she has to go, we have about 3.8 seconds to get to the bathroom! We were at a local park yesterday and she said she had to go - when I got to the closest bathrooms there was a big sign saying they were closed for the winter!! I knew we didn't have time to find open bathrooms so we used the emergency portable potty that I keep in the back of the car. Poor kid had to drop her pants outside in 38 degree weather!

I don't know how much stuff you have in your office, but if you had to could you snag a corner of the family room or your bedroom? Unfortunately, it's not the same as having your own private hideaway (sigh).

And now the whining...
DH is in Cedar Rapids, Iowa for the week and I'm at home with the girls (ages 3.5 and 14 months) watching a nor'easter dump a ton of snow. I'm trying to figure out how I can snowblow our huge driveway tomorrow while the girls are inside and unattended. Hopefully I can get it done while the 1 year old is napping tomorrow morning. I don't know how single parents do it all - it must require a ton of planning, patience and practice!

Sandy

[lisa in venice]

My older two are two and a half years apart and the shared a room until they were six and nine. At that point we remodeled to give them separate rooms. You know what my ds told us? He told us that he couldn't sleep unless he heard his little sister snoring. They continued to share the room for nearly two more years even though there was an empty room. (that became our office)

Ds has his own room now but dd shares with younger ds. That is getting to be a problem as she is now a teen but we don't have any place to put Sam yet. Next remodel will allow dd to have her own room and Sam and Miranda will share. There are great advantages to young chidlren sharing a room. They keep each other company in the wee hours and are not as afraid to go to sleep, that keeps them in their room and not yours. I remember many nights hearing Nathan calming his sister down after a nightmare.

The state has no standard for kids sharing unless you need to be licesned for foster/adopt. With straight adoption it is u to the agency but in independent adoptionthere is no rule. Fostercare allows children of opposite sexes sharing a room until one turns five. Kids of the same sex can share forever. No more than three in a room without special permission. Also a child under two can share your room. You have alot of flexibility so I wouldn't worry about giving up your office for quite a while.

lisa

[LisaCA]

thanks Lisa, Kathy and sandy, I feel better now that I know other situations, esp. in CA.

I am resistant to giving up my office-they'll probably have to pry me out of it when the time comes. I spent a lot of effort getting the right bookcases to fit that space and the perfect desk-I won't go without a fight .

I never thought about the kids comforting each other-that sounds excellent! and I never thought about the convenience of having everyone in one room-thanks for pointing that out, kathy.

sandy-there must be someone in the neighborhood who will do the snowblowing for you. If not, they should be ashamed of themselves, esp since you have a young ones at home. I've been sitting here with dd (who is acting like a total pill today-not sure why, just major league cranky) anticipating the horror of next week alone. I don't know how single parents do it either, but I guess they have to and don't whine like we do .

[cynthia900]

Hi,

My two have their own rooms because I have 5 bedrooms and an office (god bless suburbia) but I wouldn't hesitate to have them share. They actually beg to have "sleepovers" in each others rooms. We read stories in one room before bed and then the interloper heads to her own room too. I kept the babies in my room for a long time (8 months for my youngest) as I think it helps them sleep through the night and that is very important to me. I am actually thinking of moving the girls (now aged 3 and 5) in together when the new baby comes but I haven't decided for sure. I'd like to keep the guest room open cause we get lots of company. There were different rules in New Jersey - but since you are in CA that shouldn't matter.

I found that a 2 1/2 year difference was perfect - my oldest wanted to help and was able to help without being too dangerous, and was able to somewhat understand that I needed to spend time with the baby. Any earlier would have been difficult, any later would not have been such a good bond. But for number 3 I have waited to start until my youngest is 3 because she was definitely not ready to be a big sister and I didn't feel it would be a great situation for anyone before now. So maybe your daughter can help you figure out timing too!

By the way, I am a single mom, by choice no less, and how do I do it??? Mostly without whining because I did it to myself, and it is the best thing I have ever done - I LOVE IT. I have support (a nanny, friends etc) and have long gotten over my desire for independence. And I don't do it all - my number one priority is always my kids and the rest then falls into place. And I don't have to spend time maintaining a relationship (although I would be happy to add that to my duties if any of you know Mr Right). My neighbor does the snowblowing, without being asked, by the way and I gratefully bake him brownies and buy toys for his kids...It does take patience, organization etc but then so does all motherhood....Thanks for the kind thoughts for us single moms

Cynthia

[momof3kids]

Hi Lisa! We have adopted three kids and two of our three are sharing a room and baby #3 is with us right now. I cannot sleep unless my baby is in the same room as me, so our kids have always slept in our room till about 15-18 mo. We just hauled the crib right in!

I like having them closer together. All of my kids are exactly 22 mo apart. It is weird the way it turned out! But, our SW never questioned on why our kids were bunking up! Our oldest child will be going into her own room when Baby #3 is ready to move in with child #2!

As far as having 2 kids in diapers, it doesn't even faze me. For some reason that seems to be a hangup with people, but it never bothered me and never will. Honestly, as another poster said, it is easier having them in diapers! I am in no rush to potty train my middle child!

Having children is such a blessing and beware of how short the wait may actually be. Both of my other two kids came after extremely short waits because their birthmoms liked the idea of them already having African American siblings!

God Bless. Please feel free to PM if you would like to talk about the joys of having 2 or more children-because it truely is a joy!! -Susan

[Linny]

As a momma to seven.....I can tell you that the most we have ever had at home at one time have been five children.

We live in a four bedroom home, with a large 'extra type' living room too. (It's an old home with odd rooms....but it works. ).
Anyway....I'm a firm believer of having your baby in your room for some time. I think this only helps for the other children to sleep better during the night (night feedings)...but also helps in the bonding area.
Our two boys (13 and 10yrs) share a bedroom, and for the most part, always have. (Adopted at 3 and 6yrs). It's a larger room with a divider down the middle half way up to the ceiling. I think it's a good thing, as it forces them to get along with each other.

For our first two babies....we had them in the same room since day one. (This was many years ago). One of each gender, they continued to share a bedroom (we lived in other homes across the country) which went from: one with a bed, the other in the crib, to bunkbeds later on. It worked well, and we 'separated them' at around 3 and 5yrs ....only because we had just moved into a newly built home at the time.

In regards to what the agency thinks. This can go either way. It's been our personal experience, that to adopt privately, the agencies have been more lenient with this kind of thing, than when we 'went through the system to adopt'.

I think sharing a room is a really good thing, because it forces kids to share, compromise and often comfort each other when they think parents can't understand.

One point though in my opinion. We live in the country with a huge yard and 34acres of trees and pastures. When anyone needs to be alone, there is a lot of room. If we lived in the city, the need to have one's own room might be a different thing in regards to having more space to him/herself, you know?
Best of luck. We're hoping for one more baby before we're done.

Sincerely,

Linny

[amom4life]

Hi Lisa,
We are in a 3 bd. home and our home is only 1300sf! I envy your family room!! We're hoping to move to a bigger home soon! Our daughter (17) has her own room, but was more than willing to share with a girl sibling.

We have Elijah who is 13 mos. and Malachi who is 1 mo. and they will share a room. Right now Malachi is sleeping in a porta crib in our room and probably will until he's at least 3-5 mos. I haven't experienced having them in the same room yet so can't help you there. I hope other who have respond though.

Our agency didn't have any problem with the children sharing a room. The opposite sex didn't come up for us though since a girl would have shared with our dd.
Judy

[NorthBay04]

Hi Lisa,
I am a fost-adopt foster parent waiting to see if we can adopt our 7-month old baby girl. (I think I mentioned this to you before.) But I wanted to respond since we also have a 3 BR home and one of the bedrooms is our office, which we don't want to give up. Before this placement, we had a sibling group of a boy and girl (1 and 2 yrs old , respectively). They shared the same room. The one year old boy in a crib and the 2 year old in a twin bed. They liked having the company of one another and it worked out fine for the year we had them. I live in Northern California and the rule for foster parenting here is that the children can share a room up until one of them turns 5 years old. I loved hearing them giggle in the morning and entertaining themselves while my dh and I slept a few more minutes!