[halingr]

We're interested in adopting a special needs child and am just getting started in the process. I had found a little boy on the internet in our state who sort of spoke to me, if you know what I mean. Out of the 30+ kids on my search for little boys in Texas I zeroed in on him and then found out that he's a patient in the pediatric clinic where I work with special needs kids! I just can't believe that that's a coincidince! He's in a foster home so I don't really need to work with him since my job is coordinating respite care and support groups etc. However, he's coming for his annual check up on Monday and I really want to meet him. I do work with the special needs kids here so it would not be that out of the ordinary for me to just pop in on any of them even foster families to see how things are but I've never met this foster family. He was in a foster home with 8 other special needs kids and his foster parents split up so he and three others were moved to a new home. My boss says it's ok to meet him but I feel sort of strange about it. He's just turned 4 and was an extreme preemie (less than 2lbs.) so he's blind and a little delayed so I think that he wouldn't understand enough to be hurt by my visit or would he? Also, should I tell the foster Mom why I want to meet him so badly? What if he steals my heart and I cry or something?! I want to meet him so bad but what should I do?
Thanks!

[HappyMomAnna]

If you are compelled to meet him then casually in the course of your work I don't think it is a crime--I would however keep this to myself if I were you--or talk to your caseworker because it may depend on your states attitude about such things....Some states are VERY open to pre-placment interactions....and others are NOT....so that would be a good question to ask....

One other word of caution I might offer you is that falling in love with a child that is not matched yet--can be a real heartbreaker! There will forever be 12 little people and there little faces that are etched into my heart from my pre-matching love affairs.... I will never stop my feelings that these children touched me even when I never actually met any of them face-to-face.....so be very careful with your heart and do not get too caught up in the thinking of 'this is meant to be'....hard to do I know--but painful when it does not turn out the way you believed it might..... Plus it can make you lose a bit of that---"It was meant to be" knowing that some of us feel we have and then it is hard to get that feeling back......if you know what I mean.....

[amskillin]

I too live in TX and I understand that CPS here is fairly easy to work with. A friend of mine adopted thorugh the state and it went well and smoothly. My thoughts would be to contact them and discuss this little biy with them and find out if he is available for adoption and when. I'm in agreement with Anna in that you don't want to get to attached before you know if this is something you can pursue. I wish you luck and follow your heart, but be smart.

[Big Dreamer]

Hi...first off I think that you should follow your heart and stop in and say hi take a cup of water or chew some gum so that you can control your emotions.

Being blind this precious child has his senses hightened and you don't won't him to be able to tell that you are crying or getting overly emotional.

That being said I don't think that you should NOT mention to the foster family why you are popping in or your interest in the the little boy.

Sometimes foster parents also petition to adopt so this might create an uncomfortable feeling for both of you.

Follow the process and let the Social Worker guide you on this journey if it is meant to be he will be in your arms soon enough.

My thoughts are with you. I am in S.A. Texas where are you from?

Hugs,
Maria

[halingr]

Thank you for your advice. I am trying to be smart about this. I probably study things too much. I have already been reading everything in our special needs library on vision impairment and should probably slow down. I really think I can maintain composure so I think I will stop in. I'm just trying to be cautious and do my homework BEFORE I take any further steps. I don't think that the foster family doesn't have any plans of adopting him yet. He's only been there a short time but he's been available for adoption pretty much since being placed in 2002. By the way, I'm in East Texas I was just afraid to give out to much info since I live in a small community - HIPPA laws you know. Anyway, thanks again and I'll let you know how it goes on Monday!