[Shoshana]

For the first time since I brought Xiomara home, I emailed the attorney in Guatemala. I told her that I'd prepared a photo album for Xiomara's bmom (M.) and I asked if she'd be able to contact her. She answered the next day and said YES and to send her the package and she'd let M. know.

Whew! I'm really excited about this. The photo album is the 24 picture variety and the photos are in chronological order from 3 mos to present. There are a few extra pics in the back of Xiomara's room and our house.

Here are some questions - feel free to answer any or all of them!

1. I'm in two of the pictures - is that too few? too many?

2. I am writing a letter that I'll have translated. The problem is that M. is illiterate. Any special considerations for the letter? This letter will be tough enough to write anyway, but add in the age and language differences and the reading issue, it seems even more difficult.

3. What do I say in the letter? I know that I should know the answer to this question, and maybe it's just my nerves, but I could use some direction! Do I ask if she could give the atty a picture or get specific permission to continue to send updates?

4. Should the pictures have captions and/or dates? (I'm inclined to say no).

5. And the toughest issue - I haven't written the attorney about this because I wanted to hear if she could contact M. first. My father is 80 and he has been asking me for months to find out if he can send a monetary gift once a year to help M. support her daughter (4 years old). Just thinking about my wonderful dad initiating this makes me teary. I'm almost afraid to ask the atty because I don't want to hear no. Anybody have any experience with this? I know, I need to join the Yahoo birthfamily group but I haven't had time to do it from work (my home computer won't let me log on to Yahoo.)

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm obsessing but, well, I am. This is a really big deal. Thanks for your opinions!

[Jensboys]

Well Elizabeth ... Here are my thoughts ...

First off, letters they want details. Any chance you can get the letter translated onto TAPE? Sending down a small tape recorder with an audio recording of my and X or your letter being read into the tape? Or even someone looking at the pictures desribing them (what would be written in captions)? That might address the illiterate issue (our boys bmom is basically illiterate as well, although she is in the states and english is her first language so we dont have to deal with translation issues).

I do think the pics should have captions. I know that is what our boys birth family love the most - reading the captions under the pics that describe what is happening at that moment.

I would ask if she would like ongoing letters etc and for pics. You will never regret asking! As for the money thing ... ASK. Even if it isnt possible right now ... maybe the money could be saved for bsister's education? A trip to the USA someday? A return visit for you and Xio? The purchase of large appliances for bmom .... etc.

Congrats .. it is a big deal. A GOOD big deal!

Jen

[Cheryl62]

Elizabeth,

I know so little about this that I really couldn't give you any advice. But I just wanted to say I think what you're doing is terrific. A HUGE gift both to M and to Xiomara. And tell your father I think he's a wonderful guy. I'm kinda teary-eyed now! LOL!

[mumofone]

Maybe it is just me, but if I were a birthmom, I would want to see pics of my child with his or her amom. Although it may be hard to see someone else as my child's mom, it would give me peace to see that my child is truly safe, secure and happy.

I think captions or dates would be wonderful. It would give her an idea of the time-frame for her development.

When I write my son's birthparents, I tell them what he has been doing since the last letter. I let them know what his likes/dislikes and habits are. I also did up a little photo album with our last letter.

I belong to a few other boards, and one of the ladies I chat with adopted her son from Guatemala.

She says the people are extremely poor. I believe she is going to try to send about $50 per month to her son's birthmom to help out with her expenses.

I think it is very thoughtful and generous of your dad to want to help out.

Hope that helps.

[BlessedBe]

You've received some great advice so far and I just wanted to add that although there is the language barrier and a reading issue, M. will be able to have someone read the letter to her so don't hestitate to put all of your thoughts and feelings down on paper!

Also, I was wondering if it'd be possible for you to send M. a disposable camera in a SASE envelope for her to take pictures of herself and her family to send back to you? It's just a thought since a friend of mine did a semi-open, international adoption and she did just that. Those pictures are priceless to her because her daughters will appreciate them so much when they're older.

I'm excited for you and it's so thoughtful of you to send her a photo album. M. is no doubt going to love hearing from you and seeing pictures of Xiomara!

[ddhuab]

I just wanted to add that I think this is excellent. I am hoping that we will also be able to have open doors of communication with our future child's birthmother.

I had also immediately thought of sending a disposable camera with your package of pictures. You might request a copy of a childhood picture or earlier pics, but I am guessing in a poor country, it is hard to have access to photograph copying services and that personal photographs are probably a luxury, as well.

Also, maybe a request that along with sending the disposable camera back, maybe M. could dictate a letter to someone (if she is willing) or the attorney who could send a note back to you.

As far as helping out monetarily, I would definitely ask the attorney advice about that -- but I would think it would be very difficult to ensure that M. was receiving the money without a trusted 3rd party being involved on a continuing basis (unless you could somehow call her on a regular basis -- with a translator -- and set up a debit card account - send her the card but put money on it regularly in the states). In our town we have a non-profit service that will allow you to use your calling card and they will act as Spanish translators for you for a small fee.

Good luck!

D.

[amskillin]

Shoshana,

I just wanted to say CONGRATS to you. I think you are doing a wonderful thing. Also, I wanted to let you know that I am a translator/interpreter. I will be happy to help you in your translations if you need. Please PM me if you need help.

[79nic]

Awesome. Congrats to you!

One thing I always thought would be nice to receive was a "Day in the Life of Marie" letter. You know, something written like a little story about what she did for an entire day, from waking up in the morning to going to bed that night--what she ate, what she played with, what she said, how she played with her spoon at breakfast time, everything. A blow-by-blow detailed story of one full day in her life.

Just a thought for maybe future letters.