[Brousseau]

HI everyone! My name is Susan and I am relatively new to this group. Me and my husband are trying to adopt a baby from Guatemala. We recently had a failed adoption after waiting 11/2 years for it. Four years ago we lost a baby when I was 51/2 mos. pregnant. Sometimes I also wonder if it is Gods will for us. I have sought out some connection with others that understand this kind of pain. We have both had a desire to be parents for a long while now. Sometimes at night I feel afraid of what if we do get to adopt. I am older and will I be able to handle it. In the morning when I get up, however I feel I can handle anything. I have been a little concerned as how our family pets, 4 big dogs and 5 cats will do around a little one. I know it will require vigilance on my part. We have had our animal babies a long time, and it would break my heart if there were any major problems. Anyway, I am grateful that there is a place to come for support and to support each other. I guess sometimes I just feel so tired of the emotional roller coaster ride but I'm not willing to quit trying. Thanks for listening. Anyone with new babies coming home to a home with pets or just dealing with similar issues feel free to respond. Thanks Susan B.

[Momoffive1966]

Trust you gut on it. I can tell you it is a big adjustment for pets...our dog flipped out when our little one came home...piddled everywhere and reverted like a child, but we are pretty hands on with our pets..I was just so tired with my little girl (she came to us at 12 months old) that I didn't have energy to do all the things I had done before...like play fetch and such. Have you considered a Foster Adopt program...it changed our lives! we have adopted three children thru the california foster care system with no cost to us and the children have Adoption Assistance of several hundred dollars a month each until they are 18. But I understand the baby thing as we are currently adopting for the forth time and this time an undependant adoption thru a facilitator/attorney. Good luck to you with your journey...

[mumofone]

When that child enters your lives, it is amazing how much energy you will find. You can do it. Trust in yourself.

[ellemeth]

Most of this is suggestions about the dogs but I wanted to tell you that, being older doesn't mean you won't be able to handle it. My grandmother chases around my toddler for hours while I'm at work. You can do it.

Neither of my 2 dogs (a german shepard and a rottweiler) had any problems when I brought my oldest daughter home. I spent special time with them every day so they didn't get too jealous of the baby and reinforced their obediance training as often as possible. Do the introductions to the baby gradually, while one person is holding the baby and another has the dog on a leash.

One at a time introductions seemed to work better for me. We allowed the dog to approach, told her to "down" and when she dropped, let her sniff the edge of the baby's blanket.

Both of my dogs (intact females actually) can be a little wary of people who are not 'pack' but we've never had any trouble with them and my daughter. We always taught her respect for the dogs even when she didn't understand and always make sure that she stays out of the dogs crates and away from their food. Both will now politely walk around on a leash held by my three-year-old even though they each outweigh her by nearly a hundred pounds.

Another suggestion, if your dogs have never been around small children before, you may want to expose them to normal baby sounds and sudden noises (maybe a tape). Sheila's breeder also suggested that we start to occasionally tug on ears or tail or poke fingers into her mouth to get her used to possible oops's on the part of a child. I wouldn't do it if the dogs aren't already well trained but it seemed to work well for us.

I can't really offer any cat tips except for the suggestion to never let them into the room with baby unattended.

[LisaCA]

hi and welcome!

I had the same concerns about my animals (at the time three cats, two rabbits and a hamster). turns out the rabbits couldn't care less, the hamster didn't know she existed. The cats however, well, lets just say they hate her. The cats were stressed out for several weeks when she first arrived. For my oldest cat I was his world and then it was disrupted by "the screaming one". After 7.5 months he'd still sell her on ebay if he could. I make special time for him, I say goodmorning and goodbye when I leave for work, and make the nanny play with the cats while I'm gone. I also have time in the evening with him when dh takes care of dd. The others are just barely adults, about 1.5 years old. One finds her fascinating, the other ignores her (totally jealous). None of them wanted to have anything to do with her room or crib unless I was in the room. Even now only one jumps in her crib when the side is down, but that only if he's sure she's not in it . If it's at all possible you might want to hire someone to come play with them for an hour a couple of times a week, give them some bonding and fun (dogs and cats) and you won't feel so guilty. My neighbor comes over and plays with the cats every now and then, plus I hired a nanny who understood she had four kids, dd plus her "brothers". If you hire a neighbor or kid to come over, start now before your baby arrives and they'll make the transition well. my feeling is the cats try not to think about her and resent it when they have to.

good luck and welcome!

LisaCA

[blueyes113]

I can't give you any advice on the dogs, but I can on the cats. First of all, the old wives tales about cats and babies are just that. We have two cats, and when we brought dd home, it was like we brought an alien in to the house. They had absolutely no desire to be anywhere near her unless I was around. And then they would only get close enough to sniff her and run away. It's only now, when dd is almost 3, that the one cat has started sleeping in her room. I always made sure I gave the cats attention once dd was asleep, and they did absolutely fine. Our female cat still keeps her distance from dd, but then she is all fur and no weight and has always been afraid of everything.

As far as age goes, I gave birth to dd at the age of 41, and we're trying to adopt a second child now when I'm 44. Age is definitely a state of mind!

Good Luck to you!