[lmrod55]

This is not adoption related, but I thought this would be a good place to ask...

We live in GA and our families live in other parts of the country (WA, AZ, TX, LA), for me it is very important that our dd know her grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins so aside from moving back to the west coast, do you have any suggestions on how to make sure she "knows" them? We typically get to see everyone once a year and I do go thru pictures and say "this is so and so"...she is only one, but I want to make sure that I start this now and continue as she grows!

Gosh, being away from family is hard...how do others cope?

thanks for all suggestions!

[Kelli]

Lena, I'm in the same boat as you. You already know that I live in GA too, but my family (with the exception of my sister) live in VA and NJ. Besides visiting as much as we can (we've collected a ton of frequent flier miles) I keep pictures posted all around the house (bedrooms, bathrooms, mantle, refrigerator) of my immediate family, which includes my daughter's grandparents, uncles, cousins, aunts, etc. And even before she began speaking every time we would go to the refrigerator we would look at pictures and I would talk about the people in them and say their names. We also look at my scrapbooks so she can recall names and events. Then eventually she would start repeating what I said. Now, at three, she knows everyone by name and voice.

We're also great customers of MCI, and she talks to her Mimi and Grandad every couple of days, and the rest of the clan pretty often, as well. She talks to my sister almost every day. She especially likes to talk to her young cousins who are about the same age. The downside is that I can't keep her away from the phone. Every time it rings she runs to answer it and gets very upset if we try to. It's a battle trying to rip the phone away from her. But at three years old, I'm learning that EVERYTHING is a battle these days. I'm finding that this is the toughest stage yet.

She'll get to know and love everybody because you do . . . don't worry.

Peace and blessings,

Kelli

[redhedded]

Lena, One year ago we moved back home from Los Angeles where we had no family, only some friends. Due to the move, my parents would be much further than before. We are more than fortunate that they are retired and purchased another home near us to see our dd, now our dd and ds, just after our move. Before that it was really hard. I highly recommend purchasing a webcam (and sending them one as a gift if you can) so that they can see her and she can see them. During our absences from my parents, we used it everyday. My dd could see herself in one screen, my parents in another and speak to them. It is awesome!

Also, old fashioned letters are still so valuable. Write to them, tell them what she is doing, learning, saying, etc. Ask them to send pictures and write back, so that you can save this correspondence for her. Keep photos on the refrigerator so she can see them everyday.

Good luck. I know how important it is!

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi Lena,

We're in the same boat too. We're in KY and our entire family lives in PA. Last year we were only able to make 1 trip home and that was rough, especially on our 3 y/o.

I liked Red's idea of a webcam. From our experience, our dd acts like she sees our family on a regular basis. She asks about them and says she needs to go see them. I have both of our older kids (2 and 3) talk to any family member that I am talking with on the phone and they love it!

Every July we go on one big family vacation (all 30 of us). We couldn't make the trip last year and I was really sad for our kids. They really miss their cousins and grandparents.

Best of luck. I'm sure you'll get some great suggestions to help them stay attached to your extended family.

Michelle

[Mommy2amiracle]

Hi, Lena!

My in-laws live out of state and my ds is 2 yo. We've always put the phone up to his ear even before he could talk so he could hear their voices. He loves to talk with Nana now We have lots of pictures and include them in our play acting (ie, calling someone on the play phone). We see them 2-3 times a year and ds always knows them and is just as excited to see them as my parents who live just down the road and see him 1-2 per week!

[MkMw]

HI Lena -

We live in Virginia, my family is in Alaska, and my husband's in Chicago.

We are ALL committed to making sure that we see each other as often as possible. Sometimes it's just for a day or 2 - sometimes longer. They come here as often as we go there (in my parent's case, they come here more often). In fact, Matt's brother and sister and their families are all coming for Easter - let the games begin!!! We'll be crowded, but we'll have fun!

We do pictures and talk about their cousins/aunt/uncles all the time. We exchange cards for every holiday (through snail mail). We have gone as long as 6 months without the boys seeing their grandparents and they have no problem recognizing them, not only as faces from a photograph - but as people who love them.

Living away from your family has it's challenges, but honestly, this one is the easiest to overcome. There have been some days when I would give just about anything to drop the boys off at Grandma's (or Aunt Beth's) just so I can clean the entire house at once - or organize a closet! Thankfully the boys' Godparents are very involved in their life - and we take advantage of their generousity on occaision, but we try not to take too much - KWIM?

michelle

[lmrod55]

Thanks everyone! The input is much appreciated. The webcam is a great idea - thanks Red...and I will continue to show her photo's and let her "talk" to them on the phone.

Kelli - that is so cute, I can see dd racing to answer the phone before you guys!

Have a great day!

[Overwhelmed!]

My family lives about a 4 hour flight away. I've lived out of state for 8 years now. It was really hard initially to leave my 5 siblings, niece, and 4 nephews. We've all worked hard at keeping in touch and this is even more important to me now that we have Jacob.

Here's what we've done to strengthen the long-distance family relationships:

1) Phone calls almost daily- 2 of my siblings have Sprint, like I do, so we have Sprint PCS to PCS anytime minutes. It's awesome!

2) Trips back and forth- I fly back at least twice a year. I flew back with Jacob when he was 4 weeks old to introduce him to my family. My siblings come my way a lot too. There are times when my siblings have pitched in money to buy me a ticket back home for special events (baptism, 1st Communion, Dad's retirement party, etc).

3) Web cam- my brother and I both have webcams and we used them a lot when his 1st child, Sam, was born last July.

4) Cards, letters, and pictures in the mail.

5) Camcorder recordings- I have these sent to me periodically so I can "watch" what my niece/nephews are up to.

6) Weekly reading hour- every Sunday at 4 p.m. I place a call to my oldest sister's house and I read for an hour with my nephew and niece. We both purchase the book of choice and each week we take turns reading aloud to each other over the phone. We really look forward to this Sunday afternoon ritual!

It definitely takes some work on both ends, but the rewards make it so worth the effort!

[LisaCA]

much to my horror, this will not be my problem. I married the favorite son, and now that we have the only girl in the family, they'll be here more often than not . That aside, I'll tell you a bit about my experience. My mom's family (and the entire tribe) live back east, 3000 miles from where I grew up, (or in my uncle's case, spain) so we did not see them often. what worked for us was that my aunt and grandma (and others) mailed packages addressed just to us kids, filled with stuff. This was not stuff that they bought necessarily, but stuff they wanted us to have: blankets they made, clothing, puzzles, books, etc. we loved the packages, even if some of the stuff was "questionable". Just the idea that a package came addressed to us was cool. We also spoke to grandma and aunt each week. My aunt came out often (roughly once a year) because she was single and working, and since we were in Southern CA it was a great vacation. I also traveled back to see her and she took me on trips with her (including an awesome trip to
europe).

anyway, we made pictures for her, cards, etc for every occasion, and helped to put together packages for her and grandma.

I know my mom's side of the family much better than my dads, mostly because of this. I loved it and so did my family. My aunt passed away about a year ago, and when I went thru her house, she saved all those things we made (including a lovely tissue paper tree I made in kindergarten ). She was my favorite aunt and i named dd after her. since today you can use webcams and all sorts of things (including unlimited long distance-that's what we have), you can build a great relationship with those living far away.

good luck!

LisaCA