[miasmom]

Hi-

I am mostly a lurker so I thought I would give you all a quick background before asking for advice!
My name is Mindy, my daughter Mia just turned one on New Years Day! We adopted her domestically and she has been with us from birth-she is the light of our lives!

We have been back and forth between adopting again (we had a great experience but we all know how emotionally taxing it can be!) and hitting the fertility treatment road again. We are still undecided.

Recently, my girlfriend approached me about a 4 year old who needs a home. She has two adopted children and does not feel that they are in a financial situation to take this child. (this was after much agonizing) The reason bmom is giving him up is that she has been given a year to live. (it is a heartwrenching story)

I cannot stop thinking about this little guy and I really want to move forward, but I am not sure how adopting an older child will affect Mia emotionally.

I am hoping you all will have some experience or advice on this. All opinions welcome!

Thanks in advance

Mindy

[lucyjoy]

If this 4 year old has received good care from a loving mother for his early life, I don't think it will hurt for you to adopt an older child. It will take some time away from your one year old, though so that needs to be part of the consideration.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

I believe that Mia is young enough to adjust quickly! You're not going to just forget about her!! You never know, she may love having an older brother.

I will also pray for that little boy and his mom.

Best of luck with your decision.

Michelle

[Leigh131313]

ok....this may seem weird...but, it seems to ME that because they are different sexes it wouldnt matter as much. Especially with your daughter still being so little. Besides, who wouldnt LOVE an older brother? lol

Leigh

[Jensboys]

Our bio son was 22 months when we adopted two more boys then ages 3 and 4. It worked fine for little guy

Jen

[crick]

I don't think at this age it would make much of a difference. Think it would probably make more of a difference if a baby were added because your daughter is so young and might be harder to adjust. (not to say that's a bad thing...in general siblings are added to the family this way all the time!)

Plus, with the age and sex difference, there will be less issues in general. (toy sharing, room sharing etc.)

How sad for the little boy and hope regardless who adopts him, he receives all the adjustment & grief help etc. he needs. I also hope it's a slow transition for both him and his mom giving all of you time to adjust.

Crick

[joskimo]

our daughter was just under 2 when our nephews moved in and she had no issues -- later the boys had issues but that's a whole other story and part of the effect of the neglect and abuse they endured in their earlier childhood. I agree w/ Lucyjoy, if the 4 year old has been taken care of emotionally you should be okay.

[Colorbind love]

http://www.brittanyshope.org/brittany.html

Read this story, but get some tissues ready beforehand.

I can tell you personally that we adopted a much older child when our youngest was 15 months old. She remembers no life without her big brother. Of all my children, her transition to having him in her life was the quickest. Literally, he was wrapped around her finger within 3 days of coming home. They have been inseperable since that point.

There would likely be a few more adjustment issues with a child closer to your dd's age. But, I think her adjustment would be swift and easy. His adjustment will be harder than hers.