[cilohtac3]

Hello, my husband and I are interested in adopting a little girl or two. We have three bio boys aged 3, 7 and 9. The 7 year old is not thrilled with this idea and the 9 year old is quite against it. The 3 year old is to small to understand. Has anyone else come up against this situation? How did you handle it with your bio kids? If there is already a good thread on this somewhere I'd appreciate it if you'd point me in the right direction.

[joskimo]

we were worried about this as well, our daughter is used to being the baby and being spoiled so we were concerned that she was being replaced. This might seem a little coniving, but when we presented the idea we used the word "orphan" because at her age, her experience with adoption is nearly non-existant, but how many Disney movies have orphans? It was something she could relate to. And it worked, our daughter has been 100% on board with us since since day 1. It was an easy way to relate it to her level of understanding.

[cilohtac3]

Unfortunately, that tack is not working for me. I've tried explaining to the older kids that these kids don't have any parents and they need good parents, but this isn't moving them very much. "Why don't you just make a donation?" said my 9-year-old. They just like being a family of 3 boys and don't want any girls disrupting their life. I suppose they are a little jealous or have a hard time imagining having to share their parents and their household with anyone else.

Is this one reason NOT to consider adoption? Or should we adopt anyway and hope they'll adapt? Or any other advice for getting their support in this?

[SpyGirl3000]

Originally Posted by joskimo

we were worried about this as well, our daughter is used to being the baby and being spoiled so we were concerned that she was being replaced. This might seem a little coniving, but when we presented the idea we used the word "orphan" because at her age, her experience with adoption is nearly non-existant, but how many Disney movies have orphans? It was something she could relate to. And it worked, our daughter has been 100% on board with us since since day 1. It was an easy way to relate it to her level of understanding.

I noticed in your siggy line that your daughter is 10 years old. You told your 10-year-old daughter you were getting an "orphan"? I could see a *3* year old, maybe. No offense, that does seem manipulative.

[bug'smom]

cilohtac3, my almost 7 year old son isn't thrilled at the idea either. He has told us he's the only kid we need. He has even had conversations at school with his friends and they have told him how bad it is to have siblings! (I'd love to have been a fly on the wall for those conversations!) I feel that his opinion is important as a member of the family BUT in reality, he doesn't get the final say. I think adopting a younger girl, in our case, will help him feel like he's not being replaced.

Jennifer
BioMom to Matt 7
Orientation 2/5
Hoping to adopt a younger girl

[cilohtac3]

Thanks everyone!

What about actually being approved for adoption? Is this something the local powers that be might take into account and not allow you to adopt because of it?

[joskimo]

Originally Posted by SpyGirl3000

I noticed in your siggy line that your daughter is 10 years old. You told your 10-year-old daughter you were getting an "orphan"? I could see a *3* year old, maybe. No offense, that does seem manipulative.

I think you are rude, first of all out daughter was not 10 when we had this discussion, she was 8; second of all we when we started we were looking at adopting thru f/c and then looked at international so orphan may have been a possibility, third she had no concept of adoption other then her daddy was adopted and what she sees on TV, and fourth who are you to judge me and my family? I answered a question by sharing how my family approached it.

[Lorraine123]

We had two biological sons, ages 12 and 15, when we began thinking about adopton. The younger one was thrilled, but the older one wasn't so keen on the idea. While I wish he also had been thrilled, that wasn't the case and it really wasn't his decision. I didn't ask his opinion when I got preganant with his brother, and therefore, it really wasn't his decision to adopt his sister. I truly felt that creation of our family was a decision to be made by my husband and I, not our children. His sister has been with us for 2 years now. He has accepted it, but he still isn't overly excited. I know that having a little sister cramps a 17 year old boys life. He never voices disapproval and I don't think he would, but I know its quite a change for him. But thats part of being in a family. He did tell me recently that he might think about adopting an older child when he gets to be an adult, so I feel he must realize the good from it all.

Good luck, but know that its up to you on how your family is formed.

[stone]

Hi girls,I too have three children,two of which are adopted.My children have had so many questions wondering about love etc.I decided to answer the questions in book form,in order to educate others concerning this common question.
If you would like to check out my website,visit my homepage.
Just click on my name/profile,and then on the homepage.You will also have a chance to read more about my family and our adoption experiences.
Good luck.
Stacie
Lorraine
I noticed your daughter and I share the same name{and the same spelling}

[Lorraine123]

Stone - How cool to meet another Stacie. There aren't many of you out there. Its funny, my brother has a daughter named Stacey, so we have two versions of it in this family.

One thing that drives me nutty is that none of the things with names on them (pencils, hair barettes, etc.) spell it with ie.

My daughter was named after her birth mom's sister. I love it.

OK, sorry to divert the topic - just wanted to say hi to another Stacie.