[chica_latina]

Hello everybody,

I wanted to ask a very naive and maybe silly question. I have recently started looking into domestic adoption so I really don't know how this works.

When you adopt a child, can you name them?

I understand adopting an older child is a different story.
But what if you're adopting a newborn, does the birthmom name the child or do you get the chance?

(I tried doing a search and it lead me to the other "naming/Titles" thread posted yesterday that is a completely different subject.. But very educational! And a bit scary.)

Thanks Everybody,

Myrna

[mckenna]

i think most aparents name thier children. one of the questions on my home study was whether or not i was open to allowing a bmom to name the child or willing to allow part of the name bmom choose to be in the child's name. i said i would be willing to consider middle name but that i still wanted to be able to give my child his/her first name. therefore, i would not be matched with a bmom who wanted to be able to name thier child and have the aparents keep that name. i have a feeling it is similar with many agencies.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Yes... the birthparents can name them for the original BC but the adoptive parents do for the amended one. Or you can both agree and have the same name on both!!

Good luck!!

[mckenna]

thanks #1, i did not clarify, that bps can name the baby also. thanks for clarifying.

[MMC66]

Addy's birthmom named her. The name Adeline was her grandmothers name and it was special to her. She asked if we would consider that name for her little girl. I knew we could not say no. A name is an important part of your baby's history and often the only thing a birthmom can give her child to take with him or her. We chose her middle name Louise so Adeline Louise went on her original birth certificate. I think if a birthmom feels strongly about a particular name for a child, you should seriously consider it, Just my 2 cents.

Martha

[BuckarooBanzai]

The name that is on the original birth certificate is whatever the Birthmother wants. The Adoptive patents can change that.

We were very honored that both of our birthmothers asked us and used the names that we choose. It was a big deal to our first birthmom that the names be the same. Her mother was an adoptee.

[icunurse]

Our agency asked us how we felt about it and they presented us with pbmoms who felt the same way. We said that we wanted to name the child, but that we were OK with the bparents giving a middle name if they wanted to. Or the bparents could name the child, but we would most likely change the first name upon finalization. We did get passed up on one or two situations because of it, but it is something we felt strongly about and neither us nor the bparents should have to compromise about it if we/they don't want to.

We're lucky in that our son's bmom chose a great, meaningful middle name (male version of her name, name of her father) and I always wanted my son to have my father's first name as a middle name (yep, I'm a Daddy's girl ), so DH and I chose the first name, bmom chose the middle, and my dad's name is the second middle name. Lots of names, but great meaning behind them all. I'm hoping the bparents to our next baby will do us the honor of contributing a middle name. If not possible (closed adoption, abandoned, bparents just don't want to), we will try and figure out something that is meaningful and has a story behind it.

[amyway_j]

We went into the adoption process completely naive and just automatically assumed that aparents gave the name period. We chose our dd's name and her bmom loved it. Looking back on it though, I wish that I had asked her bmom for her input. I would love for dd to carry a name that was meaningful to both of us.

Amy

[tobeafamily]

We (Ryan's bparents, DH and I) came up with names 'jointly' - i.e. we all discussed what we'd like, why, 'tried on' names, then agreed. We all quickly agreed on a girl name. We had THREE sets of boy's names though. Weren't sure until he came out. Yep, he's a Ryan. Both his bema and I said so when we saw him. That settled that.

Since ours is fully open, we didn't want any issues with different names - i.e. bmom naming him "George", then us 'changing' the name to "Floyd". That seemed somehow wrong to us (not that its' wrong, it just wasn't right for our situation).

HTH

Regina

[katieb31323]

Every situation is different!

With my son his birthparents did not want to name him and so we did, and when we did it turned out the middle name we chose was the birthmothers fathers name! So all were happy

With my daughter we really didn't like the first name she choose but kept the middle name. When we told her the first name we choose, she looked at her Mother and her Mother said, why didn't you pick that in the first place? That was always one of your favorite names.

With my second daughter it was a little more difficult as the name she choose while very pretty sounded very similar to our dogs name. It just wouldn't work! And the middle name was very hard to pronounce and spell. At this time this is our most closed adoption and I have just written a long letter to her explaining why we choose what we did.

As I said at the begining of this post, you will quickly see that, in adoption every situation is different! Legally adoptive parents can change names. It is often nice if all the grownups can agree when and a more open relationship exists. The reality is the adoptive parents have the final say.

Kathy

[Scarlet]

Our daughter's birthmother gave her a name for her original BC. She knew that we would probably want to change the name and was ok with that. When we met we told her the name we were going to use, but I also let her know that I wanted to keep the name she choose as a second middle name. So that our daughter would have it. It worked in our situation, but then evey one is different. When you are matched and see what your adoption situation is you will know what to do. As others have said the birthfamily can name the child on the original BC but the adoptive has the right to change the name for the amended one.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Myrna,

Of course you can. If you have a specific name picked out for a child, be sure to let the birthparents know that from the get-go so there is not an emotional shock to them after the name has been set in stone. Sometimes birthparents like to have a say and sometimes they say, "Go right ahead!" It's a hit or miss thing.

Best of luck!

[kashicaat]

As others have stated, you are able to change the name of the baby you are adopting. It is important to make sure that you and the bparents are on the same page.

[79nic]

I named my daughter, her parents changed her name.

Originally I went into the adoption planning saying "I have to be allowed to name the baby."

Over the course of the pregnancy, I let go of that dream.

But when she was born, I still didn't have aparents picked out. So I named her: Megan. The name Megan means "precious" or "pearl"--and that's what she was to me. Absolutely precious. Plus, she just looked like a Megan.

When I first "interviewed" D and Y (who became her parents) a few days out of the hospital, I told them I'd named her Megan and asked what they thought of it. Trying to feel out if they'd change it or not. I got the feeling from them that would probably change it. That was sad, to me.

But in the end, D and Y were otherwise so EXACTLY what I was looking for, that I dropped the name as a major point... and asked them to parent her.

A few weeks later they drove out here to pick her up. They told me, the day before placement day, that they had settled on a name. Marie.

They said I was the first person (yup, before their parents, even) that they were telling.

THAT meant a lot (telling me first). Took the edge off having her name changed.

They also kept Megan as her middle name.

Do I wish I'd had more of a say??? Yes. Especially because it's possible aparents could choose a name that has negative connotations for a birthparent. Example: Grace. I had a best friend in high school named Grace. We are no longer friends. She did some very hurtful things to me. I cringe when I hear the name, honestly.

D and Y adopted another daughter after Marie... they named their second Maya Grace.

Now honestly, knowing Maya, when I hear her full name, the "Grace" part is OK... but good heavens. Obviously it's a name they like, and I sometimes think, "Wow, what if they showed up for placement day, and told me they were changing MY bdaughter's name to Grace?" I really could not have handled that with any kind of, well, GRACE (lol) at that point.

So my vote is.... while it's up to you what to name the child, consider at least asking the birthparents if there are any names to avoid.

Nicole

P.S. She still does not look one bit like a "Marie" to me. But I did start referring to her as Marie immediately, and think of her as Marie... not Megan... but still--doesn't look like a Marie to me. LOL.

[chica_latina]

Thanks to all who replied!

It's great to see everybody's perspective. I want to make sure I do the right thing for our family but still respect and honor the birth mom and dad.

Blessings,

Myrna