[Dublin]

Did anyone watch that show last night?

[wannabeamommy]

No, I didn't. I didn't want to give FOX or the show’s sponsors even one second of my time... I am curious to know thought who some of the sponsors were? I would like to write them and tell them how disappointed I am in their choice to sponsor and have commercials during this program. And YEAH to the station who refused to air it and instead showed a documentary on adoption.

[icunurse]

I admit it....I peeked. Mainly to see who the sponsors were (other than other fox shows, I remember overstock.com - hope to find out who the others were), but I didn't watch for too long. I can tell you that the 5 minutes or less that I flipped back and forth were worse than I imagined the show would be. It was like "The Bachelorette", with her giving a reason for each man and the "chosen" ones standing up on the gazebo stairs. Then, when I flipped back, I thought she had found her "Daddy", as a man was showing her a drawing he had made years ago, imagining what she looked like and they both were bawling. Flipped a little later to find out he wasn't the bfather and was just one of the guys trying to win the money. I thought it was kinda sick, honestly....playing with the adoptees emotions like that about something so personal and difficult.

ETA- here's a link for a better description

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/0....ap/index.html

[seeking2adopt]

I had no intention of watching the show, though over Christmas I saw the ads. I thought (and still do) that the whole idea is truly sick. I can't understand why the adoptee and biological father(s) would even take part in something of this nature! I didn't realize that one station aired an adoption documentary instead -- Kudos to them!

[.xXTammyXx.]

Here is an article I found interesting on it... I didn't watch it or have any intentions to as well. I think it's wonderful that she was reunited with her father.. but honestly was it that or the $100,000 that she wanted?


'Who's Your Daddy?' too tasteless for 1 station
Last Updated Fri, 31 Dec 2004 12:19:22 EST
RALEIGH-DURHAM, N.C. - The Raleigh-Durham affiliate station of the Fox television channel will not broadcast Monday's premiere of Who's Your Daddy?, a reality show about adoption activists called "repulsive."

The 90-minute show due to air Jan. 3 challenges an adopted woman, identified only as T.J., to correctly identify her birth father from among eight candidates.

The $100,000 prize money goes to her if she chooses the right man. If she errs, the money will go to the imposter she's chosen.

Either way, daughter and father will be reunited at the end of the show.

Having screened an advance copy of the show, Tommy Schenck, vice-president and general manager of WRAZ-TV/Fox 50, said it did not "reflect the prevailing standards of good taste for [the] local community."

The North Carolina station plans to broadcast a documentary on adoption instead.

"[Who's Your Daddy?] is really perverse," Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan P. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a research and policy organization had told the Associated Press earlier. "It takes a deeply personal and important experience and turns it into a money-grubbing game show. I think it is despicable."

Producers had already filmed six Who's Your Daddy? episodes, although Fox had only scheduled one of them for broadcast so far.

Fox, which had insisted that all show participants felt it was "a positive experience," allowed Thursday the show could be considered "inappropriate" for some markets.

"Any affiliate that feels the programming may be inappropriate for their individual market has the right to pre-empt the special," said a spokesperson.

[Happy2Bhere]

I can't believe it.
I dissed on the show here on the forum, to my husband, family, friends, and guess what?
I watched it last night, and bawled my head off, and will definetly watch it next week!
I HATE TV, I rarely watch any shows, let alone reality shows, but this one got me, and I really enjoyed it. I watched it to diss on it, but I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, and I cried & cried, and see why they have the show.
Am I banned from here now? :-)
Melissa

[LouiseT]

I did not see the show. How were the adoptive parents portrayed (if at all) ? I'm curious as to what the adopted woman's relationship with her adoptive family was? Were they supportive of this show? Thanks

[.xXTammyXx.]

Melissa - Just wanted to say that I think you have just as much a right to state you enjoyed the show as the rest of us who didn't. Hopefully people will consider that and NOT give you a bad reputation!

[Deahsella12976]

Originally Posted by .xXTammyXx.

Melissa - Just wanted to say that I think you have just as much a right to state you enjoyed the show as the rest of us who didn't. Hopefully people will consider that and NOT give you a bad reputation!

I was/am offended at the general idea of the show too, being adopted AND having placed a baby in an open adoption, BUT...I watched the show, and let me tell you what I was thinking by the end of it:

Despite the ridiculous glamour, the money, the "game" aspect of it, if this show, in all its ridiculous nature, can motivate someone to realize that a) they want to search, b) adoption is okay, c) being adopted or having placed a child for adoption does not make you "bad" or "different", or d) the bond between all members of the adoption triad is lifelong, and the love between all parties can be fostered or restored...then by all means, let them do it. How many people in the US heard the word "birthfather" for the first time last night?? How many birthparents in the world were reassured that somewhere out there, their birthson or daughter is quite possibly OKAY? It is the skewed interests of our country's culture that have produced a show with this premise, but SOMETHING good can surely come of it.

But hey, I'm always seeing the bright side. And I haven't even found my birthparents yet.

[Braxton04]

As a potential adoptive parent waiting to be matched, I wanted to watch to see what all the hype was about. I always hate when a group starts boycotting something before they've seen it. Well, I have to say I was extremely bothered by the content of the show. It was truely in poor taste. It would have been one thing to just have a reunion type show...I mean who doesn't bawl their eyes out when Oprah does her reunions... there were moments that defineately made me teary eyed, but the fact this was done in the form of a game show/survivor was truely appalling. What bothered me the most was adoption being portrayed in a negative way. Never once was it said or implied that she had a great life with her adoptive parents...in fact all we are ever told about them was that they were divorced when she was 12 and how one time at a family reunion, one of her adoptive relatives told her she didn't count because she was adopted. This is all we ever know about her life. What is focused on was how much the birth parents really wanted to keep her but were almost forced to give her up. Her big question that she asks of her birthfather is "WHY...why did you give me up". Later when they are reunited he asks for her forgiveness to which she forgives him. All implying that the adoption itself was a negative thing. The one thing I was waiting for which NEVER happened was for the birthdad to ask her if she had a nice life to which she would respond, my parents were wonderful people and you made the right choice and I have been happy but now I feel more whole knowing who you are. For heaven sakes....at least give the adoptive parents a little credit.

On a side note, my husband asked the question when it was over as to why the focus was finding the "dad" when the birthmom was out there as well?

[LouiseT]

Originally Posted by Braxton04

On a side note, my husband asked the question when it was over as to why the focus was finding the "dad" when the birthmom was out there as well?

I can answer that one:

Because the title "Who's your Daddy" is a lot catchier than "Who's your Mommy"..

Very sad if you ask me.

[WISEONE]

Reading the open minded positive responses regarding the Who's Your Daddy? Show - in this thread allows me to share the post I placed in the Adoptee area. I wrote the director of an adoption commuity as well.

Dear Mr. Adam Pertman,

I am directing the below post to the adoption community after reading a quote from a CNN article that mentioned your opinion about the Who's Your Daddy show. "This is really perverse," said Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan P. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a research and policy organization. "It takes a deeply personal and important experience and turns it into a money-grubbing game show. I think it is despicable."

Maybe the below post will help you to possibly understand there are thousands of adoptees in pain. What is perverse and tragic to me is the way I had to live as an adopted infant, child, teenager and cope as an adult without attachment to any family.

-----------------------------

As an adult adoptee who has already searched and found my birth parents over 15 years ago I was open minded to view "Who's Your Daddy" despite attacks from groups who may or may not have had the experience of1) Not feeling attached to your adoptive home, and neglected once out of baby stage.
2) Having an adoptive home that was dirty and smelled due to dogs in the house and lack of care. The dog urine smell would not go away no matter what personal cleaning I tried to do.
3) As a teen overcompensating in the outside world by trying to be perfect to be accepted - while feeling alone and wondering who you are.
4) Have no assistance or communication from adoptive parents about grades or college preparation.
5) Having dead bolt locks put on bedroom door to resolve conflict with other adoptive child a year 1/2 apart.
6) As adult fearing commitment and abandonment
7) As adult going back to see adoptive parents whose house is still dirty and smelled of animals - and embarrassed to bring anyone over.
8) As adult see over and over again people with blood kin get jobs and raises within the company worked for.
LASTLY:
9) As adult see show after show about loving families, clean houses, educated families, wealthy families and children who benefit from these homes.

To have any attention given to the heartache and emptiness an adoptive child may feel inside is a benefit to all parties. An adoptive family may gain some insight to the fragile nature an adoptive teenager feels even if adopted as a few month old infant.

I enjoyed and cried while watching this show and was overjoyed that attention was given to the adoptee in the media and the plight of an adoptee.

I am writing the producers of the show, the network and sponsors to continue this program and recommend anyone who has an open mind to view it.

Who is anyone to say "what is from the heart" of another?

[icunurse]

Similar to what a previous poster had said (and from what I gathered during my channel flipping), her bfather was called her "father" during the entire show (made my friend wonder if she had an afather out there) and they never mentioned her afamily. I did see the end and it was wonderful to see the joy and emotion, but I, too, agree that in order to positively show all sides of an adoption story, it would have been nice for her afamily to be there or be mentioned by her (even if they have passed on). Made me wonder if she's had a negative adoption experience or something by not mentioning them at all. There are so many other "reality" shows out there....wouldn't it be nice if one showed the process (background story, gathering info, the search process, reunion) of reuniting willing bparents/adoptees so the whole adoption story is represented and the game show overtones are lost?

[79nic]

I never boycott shows or movies. If I'm interested, I watch, otherwise, no. It all stems back to being in elementary school and watching church members get all upset at the release of "The Last Temptation of Christ." Instilled a curiosity in me to see it. As an adult who now LOVES "art" movies, I have watched Last Temptation and LOVE it, and can't even see why it's considered blasphemous. It seems to uphold Christian theology pretty well, it just emphasizes the humanness of Jesus.

OK, long intro, sorry. But that's why I don't boycott based on hearsay.

So... yup, I watched it. Pretty much anything adoption-related on TV, I'll watch.

There were really only two things I didn't like:
the money
the utter absence of the adoptive parents

However, the money was less irritating to me than I thought it would be--mostly because TJ, the adoptee, and the bfamily did not seem that interested in it. Maybe it was just good editing, but she really seemed to be focused on/doing this for the reunion, not the money.

In response to Braxton's comments...

What is focused on was how much the birth parents really wanted to keep her but were almost forced to give her up. Her big question that she asks of her birthfather is "WHY...why did you give me up". Later when they are reunited he asks for her forgiveness to which she forgives him. All implying that the adoption itself was a negative thing.

I hear what you are saying, see your point. But I have to say that I fully expect, some day, to apologize to my birthdaughter for not parenting her, and I also hope she will forgive me.

It's not the norm to place a child for adoption, it's just not. And it does create a loss for the adoptee. I chose a loss--the loss of growing up in her bio family--for my daughter. I believe it is entirely appropriate to ask her for forgiveness for this, for choosing a loss for her.

That's not to say I think my bdaughter has a crappy life. She doesn't--she has a great life, with wonderful, loving, caring parents (her adoptive parents). IMO, she's blessed to be growing up in her home. But that doesn't negate the loss.

I got teary at the end, too....

I am hoping that, if there are upcoming episodes that do air, there may be more mention of adoptive parents--and that maybe they'll be present to support the reunification, too. Just to show that all triad members, including aparents, are important... and that the bond between aparents and adoptees is not less than the the bond between bparents and adoptees. Because IMO, all the bonds are strong and important.

Other than that... I was crying, too.

P.S. Oh yeah, I don't particularly like that there are actors out there who'd pretend to be her father... ick. But hey, the adoptee and bio father knew what they were getting into when they signed on, so if they were willing to deal with those fakers, then... whatever...

[79nic]

Oh, I totally agree with this, icunurse!

There are so many other "reality" shows out there....wouldn't it be nice if one showed the process (background story, gathering info, the search process, reunion) of reuniting willing bparents/adoptees so the whole adoption story is represented and the game show overtones are lost?

Seems like all Hollywood will dwell on is the process of a bio mom placing her baby (read: ABC 20/20 special), or the very first reunification meeting. What about the process aparents go through? What about all the years inbetween, too?

Sigh.