[Overwhelmed!]

I haven't been a member of this forum for all that long, but long enough to see quite a few "failed" adoption posts. I'm truly sorry for those that have had to suffer such painful losses, but I would like to hear some of some SUCCESSFUL adoption stories to encourage & inspire those currently on their adoption journey.

Please attach a picture of your angels if you're able to.

[Overwhelmed!]

I'd like to begin with our recent adoption story. Last year in our 2003 Christmas letter, that we sent out to 100 family and friends, my DH and I informed everyone of our decesion to adopt, preferably a newborn, and asked everyone to let us know if they heard of an adoption situation for us. We weren't licensed, we weren't registered with an agency, we didn't have an adoption lawyer, we were just putting the word out there because everyone we had talked to and nearly every adoption book or magazine that we read said that finding a baby took 1-2 years or longer and we thought we might as well get started with putting some feelers out there.

In late July of this year, I received an email from a close friend of ours. "P" works PT in a bookstore and she told us in the email that that afternoon she'd had a young woman come into the bookstore asking for books on adoption. "P" struck up a conversation with this young woman and learned that she had recently made the very difficult decision to place her unborn child for adoption (she was 3 months pregnant at that time). "P" let her know that she had 2 very close friends that were looking to adopt a newborn and asked her if she could have us contact her. "J", our future birth mother, said that would be fine and gave "P" her phone number.

DH and I called "J" that same week, feeling nervous and excited and not sure exactly what we should say. The first phone conversation went pretty smoothly, once "J" and I both admitted to each other how nervous we were, and we scheduled another time to talk. After 3 phone conversations, we made arrangements to meet in person. We had to drive 7 hours to the city where she lived for this in-person meeting.

"J", DH, and I met in a restaurant and for 2 hours we asked and answered questions. It quickly became clear that "J" was putting a lot of thought into her screening of prospective adoptive parents. We too had well thought out questions to ask her.

During this first meeting, we all seemed to "click." I was so nervous though that I didn't eat a single bit of the lunch that I had ordered! DH and "J" didn't have that problem, they finished every bite of their lunches.

As our meeting was nearing the end, I gave her a simple gift. It was a photo scrap book that I had created. Inside, it had 20 pictures of DH and I and our extended families. Each page had a single picture and a handwritten paragraph describing what was going on in our lives at the time. Before handing it to "J" I said, "If you're anything like me, I'm sure you're not making this decision alone so I put together a photo album for you to take back and share with the baby's father and your families. I want them to have a chance to get to know us a little bit as well." "J" seemed very appreciative of my efforts. We exchanged some personal information (phone numbers and email addresses) at that point.

As we said our goodbyes with hugs and promises to be in touch soon, DH and I felt that the meeting had gone well. "J" had told us upfront that she intended to interview several couples before making her decision and that she would get back to us with her decision in the near future.

By the time DH and I drove the 7 hours back to the city that we lived in, we were quite surprised to find an email waiting for us from "J." In the email she explained that she had taken our photo album back and showed everyone and shared our answers to her questions and her impressions of us. Then she wrote that she had decided NOT to interview other couples, that she wanted US to be the adoptive parents of her unborn son! DH and I were floored! We never expected it to happen so quickly! We felt overwhelmed, panicked, and excited, all at once.

And so began our adoption journey. Over the next 4 months we scrambled to hire an agency to do a Home Study and get us licensed, we hired adoption attornies for us and for "J", and we hired a counselor for "J" to help her deal with all of this.

"J" was fantastic! She called or emailed us after every doctor's appointment, she continued to ask questions even after she picked us, she invited us to meet some of her family and the baby's father (her boyfriend), and she took excellent care of herself during the pregnancy.

On 12/21 at 6:11 p.m. we got a call from her letting us know she was having mild contractions and would probably be going to the hospital. By then, we were in the same city, awaiting the arrival of her child, so we were able to rush to the hospital when she called back and asked us to meet her there.

Jacob was born 12/22 at 6:00 a.m. He was placed in my arms 3 minutes after his birth. My DH and I have had him ever since! "J" saw him when he was born but chose not to see him after that. "J" and the baby's father have recently terminated their parental rights (there is no revocation period in our state), leaving us free to submit a Petition to Adopt to the courts. We should be able to finalize his adoption within 3 months.

Although this adoption has a beautiful ending, or rather a beautiful beginning, I must admit that it was very stressful and I had plenty of doubts and fears along the way, the main one being "Will she change her mind after he's born," as so many others had according to all the failed adoption posts I was reading?" Our adoption journey has not always been easy, but we feel truly blessed with the birth parents that chose us to be the parents to their son. They are both amazing people who wanted the very best for their child! Thankfully they felt we could offer him that. Our DS is absolutely perfect and we love him so very dearly already!

Now that you know our story, please share your SUCCESSFUL adoption story. I know there are many out there and I would love to hear them!

P.S. I'm attaching a picture of our little angel, Jacob.

[lisa in venice]

We began researching adoption in Jan of '89. We were both poor students so our opetons were limited. We found an agency in Mar and began the H/S process. We were approved in July and went on vacation. While in WY we got the callt hat a babyw as available but there were issues. We rushed back to RI only to discover that that baby was no longer available. I throw myself into networking with EVERYONE to find a baby. In Oct the week my dh defended his PhD thesis we got THE cal and the original baby was now available and we could pick him up that week.

That was Nathan our first. He was a preemie, drug impacted and had a vascular birth mark on his face. We thought he was prefect. His first couple ofyears were difficult but he is now a strapping gorgeous 15 year old.

Rachel came to us thru foster/adopt at 2 1/2 months old. The TPR happened at about 6 months and we finalized at 18months. We signed with the agency in Feb of 91 and she was placed in Feb of '92. She is now the teen queen around here. A synchro swimmer and a wave slave (surfer)

We tried tx for serval years after Rachel with no success. One day Iw as taking my medical records to the post office to mail to several clinics and I get a call out of the blue. It was a lead on an adoption situation. We wern't ready to try adoption again just yet. We were planning one more IVF. That was Oct of '98 and Sam our 3rd was born 8 months later in June of '99. He just started kindergarden and is a MAJOR character.

In March of '03 we started looking for our youngest. I started an email campaign to adoption Attonreys, Facilitators and Agencies. I linked the emails to a website that we had created. I then follwed up the emails with calls to ALL of the folks I emailed. Most wouldn't give me the time of dy without cash upfront but a few did. I was ope to many things that most of their clients were not. We heard about the situation with MIranda in April. sent a profile and never heard anything else. I was busy chasing other leads. In early June we heard that Miranda's birth mom had chosen us. We made plans to get our H/S and fly out for the birth. The day after we accepted the match Miranda was delivered (a month early) by emergency C-section. Talk about scrambling. I left the other kids with dh and flew across the country on the red-eye. I checked into my hotel and within hours of landing was holding my littlest. We were stuck in OH for 15 days waiting for ICPC but in the end it all worked out.

Here we are last summer hiking in CO

[Overwhelmed!]

Lisa- What a beautiful and amazing family you have! Thank you so much for sharing you success STORIES and your picture!

I hope to hear more inspiring stories such as Lisa's.

[Jensboys]

Jacob is simply a gorgeous baby! What sort of future relationship are you going to have with his birth family?

Lisa - its so neat to see your story written out. You are certainly correct, all your children are beautiful! They are MUCH older than I had pictured them

[Overwhelmed!]

Jensboys- at this point in time the Jacob's birth parents are only interested in receiving pictures every six months, which we're happy to do. His birth mother said that she does NOT want him to search for her until he's at least 18 years of age or older. We told her that if/when the time comes for him to search for her, we will do what we can to help him. My hope is that we'll still be in touch with his birth parents at that time so it won't be hard to re-connect.

[tobeafamily]

OK I'm always game to share our story

DH and I were DX "Infertility Unknown Origin" in 1994, after 1 1/2 years of testing, surgery, shots, etc. we quit. We didn't go to the ends of medical science, we went to the end of our hearts. I told the Dr. "If it's a choice between my husband and a baby, I choose him." So, we sold the babymobile, bought a sports car, and spent 5 years traveling, reading, learning SCUBA, etc. DH was AD/USN, still deploying and such, I'd go meet him at ports of call.

All the while there was this hole in our souls.

I had wanted to adopt right after we stopped Infertility TX. DH, though, was reluctant. He's that way. He doesn't say no, just doesn't get involved. *So, I shut up, threw out all the materials and figured it was not time.

Fast forward to Summer 2000. DH and I are sitting on the porch, reading the paper. He puts down the sports section and says "So, what do we have to do for this adoption stuff?" Just like that. I nearly fell out of my chair I was so surprised. Turns out he didn't want to adopt in '95-'96 b/c he was still deploying and didn't want to leave a newly adopted child.

So we hit the 'net, do our research and figure it'll cost $15 - $20K to adopt internationally. We set a budget, tell all our friends and family to give us baby fund $ instead of gifts, etc. We save for a year. Then we begin looking for agencies. We weren't sure whether Russia or China were best for us, that we thought was our biggest choice.

Two friends and my OB/GYN recommend an agency in VaBeach. There we meet a woman who will singlehandedly change the course of our lives. We're there talking about timelines, fees, ages, etc. She says "Have you ever thought of domestic?" Uh. No. We were told by so many that it took years and was nearly impossible. Surprise. She hands us materials, and doesn't 'push' us any way. Says "International appeals to you b/c of timelines." Which it did.

Anyhow we go on to meet with two other agencies, both of whom immediatly want to talk to us about their international program. One refuses even to just meet with us, we 'have' to go to their seminar on international. We wanted to hear what ALL the options were. With these other agencies, domestic wasn't something they 'encouraged', they'd rather ask us which country. Hmmm....

So we go back to Agency #1 and ask "If domestic doesn't work out in a year, can we 'convert' and go international?" Yes, we can. So we send in our application.

Three months later our homestudy is done and we start 'networking'. They provide training classes and support groups, which help tremendously.

Four months later, we connect with Ryan's bparents. Again, extraordinary. Bmom has very similar strange sense of humor, instincts, even gestures. We feel like we're connected almost immediately. No big decision, it's just 'right'. She loves Halloween, even participates in our spooky house, collects Wizards just like I do. She's not due for 7 months though. Long time, and we steel ourselves for her to decide to parent.

We meet bdad and his family 3 months later. We are nervous, they are not exactly against the adoption plan but aren't for it either. They want to meet us so we fly to Texas for a long weekend. 5 minutes after we get there we're all joking like old friends. Buncle and I share exact same birthday. Bgrandma says "You're just relatives we haven't met before." She's right. We would have been friends with these people even if there was no baby.

Fast forward to birth, 3 1/2 months, one visit and one false alarm later. She's being induced and it's not working. We go to lunch and they decide I will be the one person to go into the OR with her for her c-section. I come back and argue that bdad or bgrandma should be there, not I. They tell me to hurry up and get in my scrubs b/c they're coming soon for her. I'm floored.

Ryan is born, comes out swinging, most beautiful little guy on earth. They clean him, hand him to me, then I take him to her and lay him on her chest. She can't touch him, arms are strapped, so I hold him by her hand so she can stroke his head. I then hand Ryan to nurse and say OK take him to the nursery we'll see him later. Argument ensues - they want me to leave her and take the baby. I don't want to leave her b/c she hates doctors and hospitals and I don't want her to be alone. She finally says "Would you just GO already? My guts are getting cold. I'll be OK. Promise." So I leave with Ryan.

Take him to her room where DH is waiting, show him to her. DH goes and gets bdad, in whose arms I place our son. Then they insist Ryan has to go to the nursery. *sigh*. So we all leave, figure it's dinner time. Bgrandma points out that both bdad and DH are 'strutting' b/c Ryan is a boy. They are and my heart both smiles and breaks. I feel every emotion possible at the same time.

Bmom makes it out of recovery, we call for Ryan to be brought to the room. She wants me to pick him up and give him to her. It's amazing. We're all crying. Buckets. Then she gestures for my hand. Says "He's beautiful. And I haven't changed my mind." Hands him to me. Then takes pictures. Serious buckets.

2 days later they're discharged, he goes home with bfamily as we agreed. After 1 night we get a call "OK, you can come get him now. We can trust you. You do what you say you will. Plus, we're tired." So we do. Bgrandma helps me give Ryan first bath, baunt teaches us how to burp. We are both glad and sad to leave 14 days later.

Ryan's now 2 1/2, the pride of our wonderfully blended open adoption family. They wish we'd move to TX, we wish they'd move to VA. We still talk at least once a month and visit at least once a year. It's not always easy, no family relationship is.

Yes, it does work.

Regina

[riley6]

Jacob is gorgeous!

Lisa, your children are absolutely beautiful!!! I have a 14 yr old boy-crazy girl here that would love to hike with your son! I also have a 15 yr old son too. I love the age!

We adopted older children, and although we went through hell and back to get them, I'd say we are a success story. We have two biological sons and were hoping to adopt a daugher one day.

We went through foster classes to become licensed so we could foster/adopt a family member. The judge didn't follow the law and we were not able to adopt that child. I called my sw to tell her and she informed me of a child that would probably go through to adoption. I talked to the child's sw, she answered all of my questions with total lies (to place the child that no one would take). We went through tpr with the child and were planning to adopt her, but had to disrupt her placement, bc of the dangerous things she was subjecting my family to. We had her for a year and were devastated at losing her.

We took a break after that for about six months. I had gone into such a deep depression after losing my first dd and never thought I'd recover. After a lot of prayers and soul searching I did recover and we went on to foster a dozen or so children, who all went on to reunite with their birth families or be adopted to other families who had their siblings.

We got our adoption homestudy through a private agency. We were matched with a beautiful 3 yr old angel who we transitioned with for 3 months. At the last minute the foster family changed their minds and wanted to adopt her. Our sw told us that it was the agency's decision, not the ff's and that the child was going to be adopted by us, not them. This ff had the little girl for most of her life. I asked the sw what would happen if we backed out. She told me most likely they would leave her where she was. We backed out. It was so hard for me. My heart had been ripped apart again. But I knew in my heart that it was the best thing for the little girl, to stay with the family whom she loved and thought of as her family.

We decided to leave our lives totally up to God. If we were meant to only foster, we'd live our lives in service to other children. If we were meant to adopt, we trusted that God would place with us the children meant to be ours forever.

Three years after beginning the journey, we were placed with two sibling sets. Both were to be RU. Four months after our older kids were placed with us, the judge ordered their goal to be changed from RU. A year later, right before tpr, our younger kids' birthmom asked if we would adopt the kids and we said yes. Their bp's both vtpr'd.

We've gone through a lot with our kids. All four had a ton of letters after their names, RAD, PTSD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, LD, MR, etc. They were on meds and in therapy. We went through therapy with them all. Thank goodness we eventually found a wonderful attachment therapy who helped us to heal our younger two. None of our children are on any meds. None are in therapy. All of them are on honor roll (one with an IEP for LD). They are all happy, healthy, and are enjoying being KIDS.

We still foster. We've had another 10 or so children come through our home, mostly respite. We are also ready to begin this roller coaster again. We have room in our hearts and home and there are so many children waiting for their forever family. The only limits we have now is that the child be younger than our youngest who is almost six.

I consider us a successs story.

[Overwhelmed!]

Regina- what an inspiring success story! Thanks so much for sharing! Do you have a recent picture of Ryan that you can share with us?

[Overwhelmed!]

Riley- I'm very impressed by your strength and courage in opening your heart and home to so many foster children. My DH and I talked about this option but I just didn't think I had it in me- I worried I'd fall in love with the foster children and would be heartbroken if/when they were re-united with their families. I think it takes a special person to be a foster parent and I'm so glad that you are one such person!

Thank you for sharing your story. Do you have any pictures that you can share?

[tobeafamily]

I have the worst time uploading pics b/c the file size is so small and our digital camera and print photos are so large. Here's a recent one, though.

Regina

[Overwhelmed!]

Regina- Ryan is a BEAUTIFUL little boy! What a great smile he has! Thanks for sharing his picture!

[tobeafamily]

Aw shucks. Thank you. He's got a beautiful spirit too. Wise old soul, trapped in a little body.

Regina

[Overwhelmed!]

Glad to hear that Ryan has a beautiful spirit as well, that's important!

Still waiting to hear more success stories! I know there are more than just 4 of us who have been blessed with precious angels!

[lisa in venice]

All of your stories are wonderful. IF only Lifetime knew that adoption worked.

Jensboys, my kids are older than I expected to. How did that happen? I can't believe that I will have two highschoolers in the fall. I guess I will tell people we adopted them when we were in elementary school. Think that would work?

riley6, Nathan doesn't actually like hikimg he just does it for his dad but if there was a girl involved he might enjoy it more. Your story is amazing to me..

lisa