[joskimo]

Hi there, well we got the ultrasound pics today in the mail -- don't be too horribly jealous, all I can make out is a foot or a hand. I was sort of dissapointed. My daughter's at 6 months were far more legible but that's okay, it's still my baby's first pics and I'm pleased to have them.

So I got the nursery done, as done as I can without the crib. We're still debating the painting, thinking about keeping the color and buying a bedding set to go with it. The room looks so lovely. I kept the light on in there all day yesterday, it was just a nice glow of hope.

Katmom2 - it sounds like you have a very open adoption and that it's working well, that's great. We're agreeing to a semi but have spoken to the pbmom twice and will speak again on Monday - she has her doc apt. for her glucose tolerance test. She has another doc apt. 1/10 and we'll speak then too I think.

I completely relate with reluctance to buy much for fear of failure. I've bought some clothes, but haven't washed anything yet. I found a bunch of my dd's baby clothes and have those washed and folded. There's all the gear to buy and I'm just nervous about it. Most of it you don't need asap so I may just put off. The travel system, which has to be the most expensive, we'll need when we get there so will have to bite the bullet on that.

[blueyes113]

Hi Ladies,

Jo, I am jealous of the ultrasound even if you can't see much. I had asked the SW about getting a picture and she said we would only get it if pbmom sent it to the agency for them to forward it to us. They don't include it with the medical records. The medical records are how we know about the weights of the first two babies.

We are hoping to be able to keep in contact with the other adoptive family. Pbmom used the same agency so they have all the contact information. Once we have our ds home, I'm going to ask the agency to contact them and see if they'd like to keep in touch. They live several states away so we wouldn't be able to really let the boys get to know each other, but at least we could exchange pictures and keep the doors open for when they are older. We'll also be having a semi-open adoption and she doesn't want to meet or talk until placement. Everything we know comes through the SW.

Maybe I'm a little more optimistic, but we have everything ready except for the diapers. Most of the big stuff we already had from dd except for the bassinet. I bought that used from one of my neighbors. And I couldn't resist buying some blue Sleep and Plays which are already washed and ready to wear. I didn't want to end up washing everything for the first time in a hotel washer if we end up traveling. And today, when we were in Toys R Us, dh picked up a mobile to go on the crib. Dd's broke and we needed a new one. I didn't even realize he put it in the cart until we were checking out. I thought that was so sweet!

Katmom2, which SW does your pbmom have? We've been working with Tosha and she's very nice. Unfortunately, pbmom is a little flighty, so we don't get such regular updates. And she doesn't have her own phone so it's harder to contact her. She uses her neighbors and I know the SW and she play phone tag frequently. I primarily use e-mail for contact and I'm going to contact the SW on Monday to see if there's anything new and ask about the updated medicals. She said she was going to request them again. I just really want the page with the comment that the ultrasound showed the baby is a boy!

The only other thing we still have to do is go through dd's clothes and pick out the gender neutral ones. When my parents come back from vacation, my mom is going to come over so we can go through them together.

In about 45 minutes here, the new year will begin. The year that our babies are due. We're getting closer!

Happy New Year!

[katmom2]

Hi! Joskimo, that is great that you at least got a picture. Our sons bmom has yet to get an ultrasound. We are hoping for one soon. I haven't got a medical file yet either. Hope to have one of those soon too.

blueyes, our socialworker is also Tosha. She is really nice. Our son's bmom is also flighty, but from what I understand that is quite normal. She has missed several doctor's appts and we had one phone conference set up and that fell through. She has another doc. appt. this Tuesday so I hope and pray she goes to this one. Also, we have a phone conference set up for the same day. I also email Tosha back and forth to ask her questions. I usually hear from her about every 2 weeks for an update. Tosha also said we can request medical records soon. Our bmom has only went to the doctor once so will wait maybe another week then request the records. Only 4 more weeks and counting.
Gotta go for now.

Mom to
dd 7 yrs old
ds 4 yrs old
matched 9/04
due date 2/1/05 or 2/11/05

[joskimo]

well ladies, it's a fine year to have a baby don't you think? I"m so glad it's January, now I can say we're due next month Though I'm tremendously jealous of Katmom2's due date!!

I am grateful to have the u/s pics even if it's tough to make it out. I feel a little bad because the agency rep said he had to talk the pbmom out of the pics to send to us, so I wrote her a thank you note yesterday and offered to share since there were 3 pics.

Did I tell you all the name issue? We have picked a name, the middle name honoring the pbmom, but it's a standard name that we really like. When she called us after the u/s apt. to tell us the gender she was feeling very emotional, you could hear it in her voice, it was very special, then she came up with a name. Not the sort of name we'd ever pick out. DH told her the name we liked and I could tell she was honored and I offered to make the name she liked a second middle name. DH isn't too happy about that but I explained to him that there are 3 gifts she is giving the baby: life, a family to love her, and a name...how can we deny that?

Katmom2 - I hope the doc apt on the 4th goes as planned and that you're able to visit with her afterwards, at 8 months the baby is growing so much and theoretically she could deliver in 2 weeks, a due date is supposed to be a 4 week window. You would think though that the doc would want to do a u/s to get a firmer due date.

Blueyes: I think that's great that you're going to try to maintain a contact with the sib's families, I am still weighing how to do this and I know it'll be awhile before it'll come up but I think having sibs is something that the child should know about, it's a very special thing.

[HopeAlive]

Hi! Mind if I join in? Dale dropped me a PM about this thread and thought it would be a nice place for me to give and get support getting through this waiting period.

We've been matched since Mid-Oct and our pbmother is due Feb. 11, 2005. THis is her first child. We have been paying living expenses since we matched and she is several states away too. She said we are welcome to be there for the delivery but I'm worried that we won't make it in time. Does that freak anyone else out? I don't want to miss him being born, we're lucky enough that she allow us to be there. Our atty though has told us that we should just sit tight until we hear from her that she's gone into labor and then come. I don't know...if she doesn't go early, I may lose my patience and have to head down around Feb 9 and just wait. I sooooooo want to see him being born. Plus, I have some irrational fears of having it take us 24 hours to get there, she'll have delivered and be holding and snuggling him and and wonder why we aren't there yet. I have this fear that would be why she changes her mind and chooses to parent....((sigh)) so many fears these days.

We're done with the nursery, just going to pick up the crib in a few weeks. My sister has 3 boys and I inherited lots and lots of things from her which have helped us a lot financially as this adoption has been financially taxing for us. I'm planning on packing his little suitcase this weekend so it's ready to go just in case.

My heart is stuck in my throat and I'm so excited and nervous. I feel very ready to become a parent, but so afraid of getting my heart broken, again. Dh and I have suffered 4 m/c since Sept 2003 (around 9 weeks)...but, we've suffered loss before, leaned on eachother and survived somehow. We have to take this risk and know that if it's meant to be, it will be. What's life without the risk, right? It makes for many sleepless nights though.

Has anyone picked names yet? Are you guys nervous too? People tell me that since this is our first adoption that it gets easier the next time...I don't know how that can be.

We've met our pbmother and really got along well. She sent us a little note for Christmas and made us a picture frame decorated with the name we've chosen for him and lots of little boy things. It made our day and was the best gift we got this year. Kind of reassuring...We also have her u/s from around 20 weeks or so and she's due for another u/s in the next week or so and she said she'd mail those too.

I'm just ready to become a mom, I know DH is ready to be a dad too. It's DH's birthday next Sunday and all he wants is for our little guy to come home with us. Poor guy, he's as stressed as I am. I hope his birthday wish comes true.

It's wonderful to meet you all. I hope that I can be supportive for you all as well....hopefully, only 41 days and counting...anyone else have a countdown?

Happy New Year! May 2005 see all of our dreams come true!

Take care.

-S

[joskimo]

Hi Hopealive -- I"m so glad your found our little thread, it's nice to have another February though I'm jealous of your due date!! Like you I'm a first-time adoptive mom so am a little nerve-wracked by the process. OUr pbmom also said we could be there for the delivery but the logistics are a killer, we're several states away and fairly rural, best case scenerio it would take us 15 hours to get there and that's if we found out in the morning before the 1st flight out. Now her last delivery the amom talked the bmom and doc into inducing a week early so she could be there, we'd be there in a heartbeat for the delivery if we knew when it would be. Her due date is 2/22 and I've thought that maybe we should go that weekend 2/20 and just be there, we'll see.

That's very sweet that your pbmom gave you a Xmas present. I wanted to give our pbmom a present and the state allows it, but I"m boggled at what I would give. I started a scarf for her, is that lame? I mean what can you give someone who is making your dreams come true?

As far as counting, I share a due date w/ blueeyes and she has some countdown thingy on her desk so she gave me ours the other day, lets see, must be 52 days for us. Seems like so long from now.

Anyways, warm welcome to you! I'm so glad to have another February here, and just think, after delivery we can be the February new mom's club

[katmom2]

Welcome Hopealive!
We may have the same due date. First time we were told the due date agency told us Feb 1st then the social worker told us Feb. 11th. So, we may have the same due date. That is neat. This will be our 3rd adoption and this is also my son's bmom that we are adopting from again, so this will be a full sibling to him. We are very excited and very nervous all wrapped up in one even though we have adopted from her before. We have also picked out names but still a little unsure if it's a boy. We are going back and forth between a couple. We were not asked to be in the delivery room, but I would be there in a heartbeat if she should ask.

Jo,
Gosh, 2 weeks!!! You scared me. I'm going out tomorrow buying some baby laundry soap and get my stuffed out and washed up. LOL!!! I've been a mess through this whole process this time. Just kind of out of sorts and scared she may change her mind like last time. I guess reality hasn't set in that this really could happen. I hope we get some info on Tuesday or maybe that they did an ultrasound. It's about time don't you think? Regarding your question about the scarf if it was lame. I think that is a great gift, especially something you are making. We sent our bmom a care package for Christmas and wrapped it all up in a basket. These are some of the things we put in it. Slipper socks, Body and hand lotion, bubble bath, candle, hot chocolate, two diferent kinds of crackers, and of course chocolate and some candy.

blueyes, that is neat that we have the same socialworker. How far are you away from your pbmom? We are about 5 hours.

Well, gotta go for now.
mom to
dd by adoption age 7
ds by adoption age 4
matched 9/04
due date 2/1/05 or 2/11/05

[HopeAlive]

Thank you for the warm welcome.

I think the scarf is a nice idea. Back when we frist matched, we sent our pbmother a little care package with similar things...lotion, candles, a journal, etc. Then for Xmas, we sent her a giftcard that she needed and sent it in a Xmas stocking full of little things to open. Cute notecards, Christmas candle, little stuffed reindeer, some chocolate, yummy smelly soaps and a little back massager. We'd like to give her one last thing after the delivery...we're going to write her a letter and then we're looking for a necklace, something like a 3 pearl necklace (1-us, 2-her, 3-the child she carried), but I"m still thinking about it.

I finished washing all our clothes this weekend and packed our little one's suitcase so it's ready to go. I also washed all the bottles, packed up the formula and we're charging the batteries for the camcorder and the dig. camara. I'm so anxious to be there for the delivery, I can't stand it. I don't know if our bmother will deliver early but every time the phone rings my heart skips a beat thinking...could this be it?????? But not yet, I'm actually not even sure if she'll deliver on her due date. DH is calling her OB (she signed a release so that we could talk with them) to see how things are going. It would be wonderful if they would induce her so that we could be there, but I don't want to do anything to make her uncomforatble so I'm not even sure how to ask.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and thanks for welcoming me. We can lean on each other to get through this waiting period and share our joys too!

Take care....40 days and counting!

-S

[blueyes113]

Hi Ladies,

Hope everyone is having a good day!

S., I'm glad you came to join us. It seems as though there are only a few of us waiting for February births but this means we'll get to know each other better!
Katmom2, we're about 8 hours driving from our pbmom, but we don't know where we'll be going yet. If the adoption can take place in her home state using our states laws, we'll drive out. She doesn't want us at the hospital though because she doesn't want her family to be rude to us. The agency would prefer her to fly to FL before the birth and deliver there because legally it would be easier, but I don't think she's going to do that. The last time, she flew to Florida with the baby after he was born for the adoption, but the adoptive family was located in a state close to FL. One of the Carolina's I think. But the agency is also licensed here in NJ, so if she brings the baby anywhere it will probably be here. It's very confusing and probably the cause of most of my pre-adoption stress. Especially because we don't know if we'll be travelling or not. I just hope we know by the end of January.

Well, I had an A+P coupon for Pampers Baby Dry and bought a pack of size 1 diapers. So now we even have the diapers. We're going to pull the crib out of the attic today and put it up so we can dis-assemble the toddler bed in dd's room. We figure it's easier to just put the mattress back in the crib instead of storing it somewhere in the attic. Then I just have to sort out the bottles and nipples so they can be rewashed closer to the due date, and sort through dd's clothes to see if there is anything gender neutral. I don't think I'll find too much. I dressed her in a lot of pink. Now all she wants is blue jeans!

As far as due dates, just remember that 38 weeks is considered full term, and anything between 38 and 42 weeks is considered normal. So we could all concievably be going to pick up our babies at the same time!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend ladies!

7 weeks 2 days or 51 days and counting!

[joskimo]

Hi all,

Say I did some reading in one of my adoption magazines today and learned that you can take the tax deduction the year paid, not finaled (for domestic), I didn't know that - I thought it wouldn't be until 2006 that we could start using the deduction so I'm happy about that. This whole process is a little financially draining so every little bit helps.

So do you all use special laundry soap? It's been so long since dd was a baby but I just don't recall if I used special soap or not.

Blueeyes - you bought diapers, that's the ultimate! I still have so much to get, need a diaper bag, travel system, oh I need to much. And I won't let anyone throw a shower until placement. How about you all, are you putting off the shower?

Your care packages got me inspired to put one together for our pbmom to include the scarf, will work on the package some tomorrow and try to get it off in the mail.

Oh Hopealive, the necklace idea sound nice with the pearls. I"ve been thinking about a placement present as well, one also a necklace, I was thinking an amathyst since that is the birthstone for February. I was also thinking about doing a small album for her. Getting it ready now, including the u/s pics and then have some backings ready w/ stickers and stuff and just put pictures in. DH gave me a cool digital camera photo printer for Xmas so I could take it with us and print the pics right off the camera when we go down. And a letter of course to go in the back.

Katmom2, thanks for some of the care package ideas, I"ve been kind of struggling. It's a wierd position to find yourself in, what can you give this woman who is doing so much for you, you don't want to step over any lines, it's just a precarious situation.

oh hey, I ordered a baby book specific to the adopted baby, "our chosen child" it looked nice, hope I like it.

By the way, just curious, are you all adopting same race or different races? We are adopting AA, I am CC, dh is NA/CC. So we although we're a multiracial family, we are still different race.

Good thoughts to you all.

J

[katmom2]

Hi!
Wow! Time is flying by. I've got to get some things ready. I haven't even started! You all sound so much more prepared than I am. I bought some baby laundry soap today. Tomorrow will start washing up baby clothes. I have the day off Wednesday so will venture out and start buying supplies. Bottles, diapers, travel sytem, diaper bag, etc, etc. We got rid of alot of things since we had not planned to have anymore. My best friend wants to have a baby shower for me, but I told her not until we are home with the baby. Jo, you were asking about this. We waited until papers were signed on my daughter's which was about two weeks then someone had a shower for us. We will wait again. We got by with what we had for those two weeks which wasn't much, but we did it.

We got our son's bmom a necklace last time and gave it to her at the hospital. It is a nice gift. We also gave her a scrapbook photo album that I made. It turned out really cute. Since we knew he was a boy I used all blue backgrounds, solids, checks, stripes and used stickers to dress it up. That way when we sent her pictures all she had to do was slide them in. I was thinking this time of getting her something with an amathyst in it, since it is also her birthstone and mine. Also, will fix her another album. I better get with it.

Jo, you were asking about if the baby is the same race as we are and the answer is Yes and we are cc. You were also talking about when you can take the tax deduction. My dd's adoption was in 1997 and we finalized 11 months later in the next year. We were not able to do the tax deduction until we had her social security number which we couldn't get until after it was final. That was almost 8 years ago now. Maybe things have changed now. My son's adoption was finalized 60 days after his birth so we didn't have an issue on his. It was all in the same year. Just something to check into on the social number.

Well, gotta go for now. Talk with you all later. Hopefully, we can all share pictures once we get our babies home.

mom to
dd 7 yrs old
ds 4 yrs old
matched to adopt 9/04
due date 2/1/05 or 2/11/05

[blueyes113]

Hi Everyone!

Jo, I went to the IRS site to find all the information I could about the tax credit about a month ago. I was hoping we, too, could get some of the credit for this year. Nope. Not until the baby is born and you have custody. You need either a Social Security number or a Temporary Tax ID number for the child before you can claim the credit. And it takes six to eight weeks for a temporary number to be issued. So even if we were able to file for the number once we had custody, it wouldn't show up until after the taxes were due to be filed. We're just going to have to wait until next year. At least we'll have the permanent SS numbers for filing once the adoptions are finalized.

We're adopting same race as well. We're both cc and so is pbmom and pbdad. We live in a very cc town and FIL is also very prejudiced. Wouldn't have mattered to us, but we felt it was better for the child. FIL doesn't feel a need to watch his language and I'm always afraid of what dd is going to repeat. We had also been open to cc/hispanic and had one possible match that we turned down for other reasons. When FIL heard the mix, his comment was "Well at least one half would have been right". So we're actually happy for the child's sake that he'll be full cc.
I didn't send anything but a card for Christmas because we're already paying a lot in living expenses and we don't know how her state is going to react as it is. I don't want to do anything that could possibly be construed as coercion. I was thinking about buying her a necklace as well to give to her once she has signed. I think I saw birthstone hearts somewhere and thought that might be appropriate. I was also going to go to Bath & Body works and see what kind of a basket I could put together for her.

Survery: What fragrances do you like and which do you think are way too sickly sweet? There are only one or two that I like so I'd like some input from less sensitive noses.

Laundry detergent for baby clothes: Dreft. I have sensitive skin and was afraid dd would react to the other detergents. It has a nice fragrance as well.

My mom said something about having a baby shower once the paperwork is signed. We really don't need very much because we still have all of dd's stuff. I also found great deals on Ebay on a double stroller and a universal car seat carrier, both with local pick-up. So if we did have something, I'd probably want to have a "Meet C........... J...... party" and request that if people want to give us any gifts we'd prefer boys clothes. And, yes, we've decided on a name. I just don't want to jinx anything by posting it. That coming from me who was born on Friday the 13th, LOL!

Second survey: Are we older parents or younger parents? We're kind of a combination of both. I'll be 44 in a couple of weeks and dh just turned 32 on New Years Day. Gotta love those younger men!

I think I'll sort out dd's baby clothes tomorrow and she can help. That should be interesting! I'll take a few pictures of the nursery and maybe post one tomorrow as well.

Here's to February babies! May our pbmom's all be feeling well, not be too uncomfortable, and may they all have easy deliveries when the time comes.

[joskimo]

Is it possible that the tax credit has changes since you all finalized? Here's the quote from Adoptive Families magazine:

"Early this year the IRS clarified an area of uncertainty. For domestic adoptions, tazxpayers can use the tax credit and income exclusion in the year in which expenses are paid or incurred, even if the adoptin is never finalized. For international adoptions, the provisions do not apply until the adoption is final."

So for whatever it's worth, I plan on taking this magazine w/ me when we get our taxes done next month

Okay, answer to Survey 1 on scents: I hate honeysuckle based scents or other too flowery scents, I like vanillas and berry scents though.

Survey 2 on age: We're on the older end, I'm 37, dh is 38 and dd is 10. It does make me nervous being older, I keep thinking about the sleep, when I was 27 I didn't need as much sleep, even recuperating, but now I get the most dreadful headaches when I'm deprived!

My survey: Are you all SAHMs or working moms?

I agree on the name issue, we've selected ours and told the mom but because we don't have the baby yet I'm hesitant to broadcast it, but I promise you all that you'll be of the first to know!

I let my dd help sort the clothes, it was fun and sweet, I got to tell her stories around many of her outfits and let her pick a few not to share, extra speciall clothes. And I"ll try to remember to put the ones we did select back in a box with her name on it. My daughter has inherited my packrat gene.

I like the idea of a "meet H... party", that sounds like more fun then a traditional baby shower, plus I hate imposing on anyone for a shower, goodness knows we need a lot though

[blueyes113]

Hi All,

Jo, I did all the research on the IRS site at the beginning of December. No, the adoption does not need to be finalized. But you need to have custody and to request a temporary tax ID number in order to claim the credit and to claim them as a dependent on your income taxes. Basically, no one exists without either a SSN or a TTID number. So, for example, you bring the baby home in October but the adoption won't be finalized until late April. You can request a temporary tax ID (TTID) number and claim the adoption credit on the taxes before finalization. Everything I read indicates that you can't get any tax credit at all unless you finally have a child in your home and have an ID number for them. I found the form you need to fill out to claim the credit and one of the first lines was: Name of child (or something like that) and SSN. In a way, it makes sense. If someone unethical had a friend who worked for an agency, they could get paperwork indicating they had paid expenses toward an adoption and get the credit while never having any intention of adopting a child. I had read the same article about the tax credit which is why I researched it on the IRS site. It would have helped us a lot if we were able to claim the credit on the 2004 taxes.

I gave birth to dd at 41. I think you'll do fine and wouldn't worry about the sleep. You actually have an advantage with your dd being 10. You can still "sleep when the baby sleeps" because she'll be in school. I'm going to have a 3 yr old who doesn't nap and a newborn. So I'll never be able to get a nap in during the day.

I'm a SAHM and I love it! Even though I was educated as an Engineer, I was working in daycare by the time dd was born. (The daycare was a lot more fun!) I tried returning to work when she was 6 months old, but she and I both constantly had colds, and she picked up everything the other kids had. We decided that the little pay I was getting wasn't worth her being sick all the time. So I stopped right after she turned 1 yr old. Now I wonder why I ever wanted to go back. I might once she and future baby get into school, but for now I'm enjoying being there for every milestone.

Oh well, I'm off to sort clothes. Have a great day everyone!

[katmom2]

Hi!
blueyes and Jo, your right about the name thing on the IRS papers. We had to put our kids full names and SSN's. I wonder if the magazine is thinking of when it is a failed adoption. You can deduct those expenses too, but you have to have receipts to back it up.

My dd was 3 when my ds came home to us. So I know what you are talking about. My dd didn't nap either. My dh did help through the night which that really helped. I was a stay at home mom too until this school year. I decided since both kids were in school it was time to get back to work. So I work at the school subbing as a teachers-aide. It's great I work 3 or 4 days a week. Sometimes just 2 days a week. I haven't decided what to do yet when the new baby comes home. I'm going to play it by ear and see what happens. I can keep the baby at the nursery at school. They have their own daycare which is really nice. That way you can still see the baby when you get a break. I may take the rest of this school year off since I just sub and go back next year. I will decide when the time comes. It really works out great because I'm off when my kids are off. Although, I loved being at home with my kids. I miss that.

To answer your survey on ages. I will be 40 in Feb. and my dh is 41 so we are also older parents. jo, I also have been worrying about being sleep deprived. I was just starting to feel a little freedom from my kids and sleep in a little sometimes while they play or watch Tv. I also get headaches like you and I get an upset stomach from lack of sleep.

Hey, I actually got baby clothes and blankets out today and washed them up in Dreft. They smell so good. I've got them packed and ready. My kids had a lot of fun going through the clothes with me. I'm going out Wednesday to get a travel pack in play with a bassinet in it, bottles, diapers, wipes, etc...

Well, tomorrow is a big day. My son's bmom has a doctors appt and we have a phone conference set up. I hope she makes her appt and hope the phone conference goes on as planned. She has been kind of flaky so hard to depend on her. One thing I am going to ask her if she can tell me the exact due date, since we have been told two different dates. Also, I hope she has an ultrasound done tomorrow. That would be nice.

Well, I better go for now. Talk with you all tomorrow night. I'm sure glad I found this thread. It really helps having others to talk to.

I meant to tell you that I decided to get our son's bmom an Italian Charm Bracelet. I'm going to put her name on it and put our son's birthstone and the babies. Then she can add her other kids later. I was looking at mine last night and I thought it would be a good idea. Especially since I gave her a necklace last time. I was wanting to get her something different. Just didn't know what.

mom to
dd age 7 by adoption
ds age 4 by adoption
matched 9/04
due date 2/1/05 or 2/11/05