[billysmommy]

I've been thinking about this a lot since the last thread asking for support got off track. I was the first person to ask "why" and things spun off from there. My intention was not to start a debate, but rather to fully understand the situation.
It is difficult for me to offer my prayers and support without knowing what I am suporting or praying for. If I read a thread that says ........"I'm going through something really difficult (whatever it may be), please pray that I find the strength to get through this", I will always offer my support. A hard time is a hard time, and I don't like to see anyone in pain. However, when I read a thread that says "Please pray that our child -whose birthparent(s) objected to the adoption - stays with us", I can't help but question it. Please do not take that out of context........that is NOT what Sadie's post said, I am simply giving an example. And frankly, this isn't even about Sadie's post per se.
I am an amom in an open adoption and currently in the middle of a nasty contested adoption with my second (adopted) child's biological father, so it isn't a matter of "aparents vs. birthparents" when it comes to these issues. It's a matter of what is right, moral and legal.
Someone mentioned visiting anti-adoption boards......I've been there. And many of those people ARE anti because of injustices done to them. Can we really blame them? If I was a parent of a child who was never supposed to be placed for adoption yet was, I would be madder than hell! After four years of infertility, I wanted a child. But I would not have gone to "any lengths" to get one.
Let's face it, there are a lot of things that could be changed about the entire adoption process. Things that would protect aparents and bparents, and most of all the adoptee. But if we, as parties to the adoption do not take every step to ensure that things are done legally and morally( with the current laws), then how can we be upset when it goes awry? And how can we claim to want to work towards change when we aren't even upholding the existing laws?
Don't get me wrong now. Pain is pain, and it sucks. I just think that there are ways to prevent at least some of the pain.
Maybe my words are a little harsh - especially so close to the holidays - and I apologize if I offend anyone. I do realize that I am rambling a bit here. And so it is understood where my thoughts have come from, I will explain a little.........(I cannot go into too much detail because it is an active case).
In July of this year, my son's birthmother placed a second child with us. Her bfather was notified of the adoption plan and did not act. Everything was done according to the leg of the law. My precious angel is now 5 months old and her future lies in limbo as her bfather appeals his TPR. Because he is a "Putative Father", it was his responsibility to establish paternity. Even though legally, he did not have to be notified if he did not register, I personally took it upon myself to call him and allow him the chance to step up to the plate. He did not and we proceeded with the placement. I brought my daughter home knowing that her bmother made an informed decision and her bfather was offered the opportunity to parent, and the knowledge of what he should do if he wished to establish paternity. If he had come forward before the legal time limit, I would have walked away from the hospital empty handed and broken hearted. Now the one who is suffering is my daughter. She sits in limbo with no name(except her OBC which has already been sealed), and no parents (both of their rights have been terminated). The decision will not be rendered until as late as July/August. She will be a year old by then, and will face the possibility of losing the family she has been with since her birth ( and which includes a biobrother). It's unfair to her, and unfair to us. The laws are written to be followed. Period. Same as with revoking consent.
I have lost my train of thought as the tears started flowing, so I will end now. Just felt that I had to share my thoughts on this gloomy Christmas eve.
P.S. Sadie, I apologize that all of this has spun off your thread, and I hope you know that none of this is directed at you or your situation. My thoughts go out to everyone who is waiting....paparents waiting to bring their child home, bmoms waiting to reunite, and afams waiting to finalize. And big (((hugs)))) to those of us who are fighting for our children.

[79nic]

(((((((billysmom)))))))))))))

I feel like I should have some wise words to offer, and I don't...

Just a hug. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's not fair that you should have to go through it after TPR was legally done.

Thank you for telling your story with such understanding and respect for all sides of the triad.

I hope your situation works out and that you find some peace this Christmas.

Nicole

[billysmommy]

Thanks Nicole. I have been so strong through these last few months, but seem to have lost my strength in the last few days.......not sure why or where it went to. I am just so burned out on everyone fighting against one another, when we should all be working together for change - change to make things better for adoptees, bparents and aparents. Change to protect us ALL.

[billysmommy]

I just came across this old post of mine and almost lost it............8 months ago I wrote that, and *our* daughter still isn't "ours". grrrrrrr

[Jensboys]

Billy -- Is there any update? When is court?

Jen

[maddensmom]

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry this is happening to your family and in particular, your children. I did not domestically adopt so I am rather unfamiliar with the procedures. To be honest, I can barely make it though most of the abbreviations, but I do understand your points. They are honest, and I really appreciate that.

[danhanan]

Oh...I sure hope this is resolved for you soon...hugs and prayers

[billysmommy]

Thank you. I have worked really hard to keep it out of my mind - just enjoy the summer. Then I saw that post and got all worked up again, sorry
My daughter had her first birthday last month. We have gone to trial and TPR'd, but are now in appeal status - since last October. We just got word from the court that the case has not even gone to the panel of judges yet, and will not for several months. It is outrageous. They told us not to expect a ruling before Christmas
While the chance of him winning the appeal is very slim, the fear is there. I shudder to think of what losing her would do to our family, and to her. To think of having to explain to my son - who is her bio(half) sibling and worships the ground she walks on.....To imagine her at 2 ( or more) years old, waking up in a strange place and wondering how she got there and where her family is...
The thoughts are just too much to bear.
These cases need to be given priority, heard before all others. These are children's lives at stake here and decisions on permanency should be made as early as possible.
Just having a hard day today.

[ljohnson55]

Billysmom, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and your family and that I hope that you and your daughter find peace and the path you were meant to take.

Best,
L