[hedgie]

My dh and i are expecting our 'first' ason this month. Our pbmom was due Dec. 6 - and for the last month we were told that she was going to go early... Well i know that Dr.'s can be wrong, but now here we are Dec. 13 and no baby... but that's not really my issue (well, it is... lol, but not for this post! )

Anyway we are working with an agency and i was curious to know if it's normal not to hear from the social worker very frequently? I have never thought that we've had great communication... but since we were planning on moving in Nov, i assumed that we would just change agency's, but on Nov. 8 we were matched with pbmom and met her and her parents (and little brother) on Nov 18. Our SW offered to drive us up for the visit and i was excited to receive that 'undivided' attention from her... since that time we have only spoken with her a handful of times- only after we (dh and i) had left messages...
I understand that we are not her only aparents, but we are the only ones this far in the process at this moment-(she told us this) and since bmom was due on the 6th i fell like i really need to just be 'updated' even if it's a 'no change' update. I would guess that bmom has been scheduled to be induced, yet dh and i have not been informed of that yet... truthfully for all we know she may have even had our baby boy!
I have wanted to call and recieve some info from her- when i called last Thursday she said she would call me right back- then never did- so when i called the office on Friday her vmail said that she would be out of the office until Wed Dec.15!!!! I have her cell phone- and really want to call her- though i do believe that she would call if she knew anything more...I just feel like i'm putting her out everytime i call to ask a question (which honestly hasn't been that often- more so in the last 2 weeks...)

Am i just over anxious- or is our sw not very helpful? How often do/did u talk to your sw- especially around your birth?

I would appreciate any and all comments/info that you have...

Anxiously awaiting for our baby boy!!!

Jenn.

[dutchgirl2]

Hi Jenn!

First of all Congrats on soon becoming a mommy! I can't imagine a more perfect Christmas for you this year.
But back to you question, I'm sure it's different for everyone, but personally I think since you're a 'paying customer' as it were, you should have the right to call your SW when you deem it necessary. It doesn't sound like you've been 'hounding' her throughout your wait, and certainly considering your pbmom was due a week ago, I think it would be normal to want an update. Plus it would have been nice of your SW to give you a headsup that she'd be out of the office for a while.
I guess I'm just not a patient person myself, and was royally annoyed when it took our lawyer, who we'd hired to finalize our adoption, 5 months to get the paperwork done and sent to court. I called them several times and when I was told she was on vacation, I asked (nicely) why someone else wasn't taking care of her workload during that time.
Anyway, if it were me, I would contact the agency again and ask to talk to someone who knows what's going on with your particular case, since your SW is out of the office till the 15th. I don't think you're being over anxious at all!
Good luck and we hope to hear good news soon!

Simone

[MMC66]

I would call, It is completely reasonable for you to expect an update at this stage in the game. If your SW didn't leave because of an emergency, it was really unprofessional for her not to give you a point of contact with the baby being past his/her due date. You seem so calm in your post - you must be on pins and needles. Keep us posted!!!!

Martha

[jennied]

I too would call. We have had miscommunication with our agency and when we spoke with our director she said that we should never be "afraid" to call them. If you aren't getting the answers you need from your SW'er then call and speak with the director. You aren't being a pain in the neck, they work for you. You need to be reassured that everything is ok and that is their job. Think of it this way, you will always represent your child with this level of dedication and that is the way they should take it.

GOOD LUCK!

[mumofone]

I would definitely call.

[georgiagirl]

CALL...there has got to be some one there who can update you and tell you what is going on?

[hedgie]

Thank you guys so much... It was encouraging to hear that i am not out of line.

I ac tually called her cell phone twice yesterday- called the office and found out she has jury duty until the 15... so i called and told the office manager our situation and she fowarded me to another person (i've never heard of) who was not in- so i recieved her voicemail (though i didn't leave a message...)

It frustrates me, because i feel like i'm not able to be 'too aggressive' because they get to determine whether we get to be parents or not... I'm not normally super aggresive but i feel like in this situation i need to be!

Thank you all for your encouragement! I will keep you posted as to what i hear today... If it means anything- i dreamed that our baby was born early this morning!?... we'll just keep prayin!

Hope to hear something soon..

Jenn.

[seeking2adopt]

Jenn,

First of all, let me say that I hope you will soon have your little one in your arms! We were in a similar situation earlier this year, with an adoption that came our way at the last minute. The social worker contacted us, got our info, got our money (had to mention that!), and then basically dropped the ball. The morning that the bmom was due to have her c-section, the social worker told us what hospital to be at and what time the c-section was being done. We got there, none of the hospital staff knew who we were, we called the SW and she said she couldn't do anything until the baby was born, etc. etc. Just poorly handled all around, and I was hesitant to be assertive. Unfortunately, in our case the adoption fell through one week later, and again, the agency and SW just were not on the ball as far as even telling us what to expect and how to handle things when the time came.

So don't be afraid to be assertive! At this stage in the game, just keep calling until they give you a "live" person with whom you can speak. It is unprofessional and irresponsible of them not to do so.

I will be looking forward to your good news!

[jennied]

Seriously, I would call and tell them that you want to speak with the director or manager and then tell that person that you are very concerned and that you want to be on the same page so that you can be prepared for EVERYTHING. They can't blackball you! They work for you.

[abbiejane]

Ditto on the paying customer line. You are paying them, and they won't get to change their minds about you being a parent for calling and asking questions.

Call and ask for a director. Tell them how long you have been without answers to your questions and how close ou are to being parents. If they don't call you back, take times and dates, and cite those when you call back (ie, I called and left a message at 12:30 yesterday, and was promised by Mary that she would call back, bt she did not, so can you answer my questions now?) Perhaps it is a little passive aggressive, but people respond better when they know that you are paying attention--and being over a week past due, I would forget the passivity and go right for the aggression. (I'm normally just a passive person, but when it comes to my baby--watch out!)

Good luck . . .

[hedgie]

Well, I called back and left another msg on our SW voicemail, then went to the operator and explained our situation (politely, yet not beating around the bush) saying that since our SW had jury duty and since we had called and left msg's and were unable to reach her- i would imagine the same to be true of our bmom and her SW... so we were transfered to this 'unknown' person again... this time i left a message- stating that i needed to have some information- considering she may have already had the baby for all we knew...

Well this woman called me back- told me she had just spoken with our bmom and her SW, and there still was no baby and no date for inducing as of today (has a Dr. appt. this week). So this SW told me that she had talked to our bmom- but had no way of contacting us (she was not given our #'s)... which made me angry- so we gave her all our #'s and she said that she would let us know as soon as she heard anything- she told us to call her with any questions, she was much more friendly than our usual SW.... who by the way (SHOCK!!!!)

Called me this afternoon said the exact same info as the other woman- and then told me that she would be on jury duty for at least tomorrow- if not the whole week- I told her that i appreciated her calling me back- but we had already spoken to _________ (SW), and she would call us if she heard anything... She didn't sound too pleased about that (but truthfully that's probably why she had to call us in the first place...) so now we still have to just wait and see-

Thank all of you for your imput- it has given me the confidence i needed to be assertive in this situation!!! you all have been an answer to prayer! Thank you...

Now i have a new question
- assuming all things work out like we pray they do- would you inform the agency about this issue- or should i just count my blessings and move on?... I feel like someone should know what's happened so maybe they can address it... love to hear your thoughts... (i was thinking of writing a letter to the agency once all is said and done- telling them of my dissatisfaction?)

Thanks again,
Jenn

[Sean&Shan]

I would write a letter. I think that you can express your concerns without destroying the reputation and spirit of your SW. Your concerns seem very valid, her actions seem unpardonable and insensitive. Our SW has been very sensitive to our anxiety, if she can't call us back right away she has the secretary call us to let us know that she got our message and let us know when we should hear from her. And of-course there's e-mail. This whole process is stressfull, if someone can't accomodate the necessary lines of communication it is only fair that they understand the impact it has on others.

Shannon

[Overwhelmed!]

I'm having the same dilemma. We hired an agency to certify us. We had to pay the entire fee upfront. The day we first met with them, I had EVERYTHING on the checklist completed (including the 13 page autobiography, the forms, and other info requested) and turned it over for their review. Several months later, it became apparent that the agency hadn't looked at all of our info until the last possible minute because when they sat down to write our homestudy (after interviewing us twice) they realized they hadn't addressed certain situations with us that we had discussed in our autobiographies. Our process was delayed while they gathered the additional info from us that they needed.

Luckily, we've just become certified on Monday, just in time for the baby to be born (due this week), so all's well that ends well, but I'm still tempted to write a letter expressing my disatisfaction with their lack of organization & their procrastination after we're totally done. I'm still not sure if I'll end up doing it, but I think I should.

[hedgie]

It's Time!!! Our bmom is being induced as i sit here and write this (she (actually her father) was not comfortable with us being there for the birth- (she's a minor).)

I can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!! Now we just need all the prayer we can get, that she signs the surrender... she has 72hrs.... which isn't that long- but it already feels like forever!

I'm not sure why- but i'm more nervous now, than i was meeting her (and her parents). I pray that she has an easy as possible delivery, and that she has peace about giving her precious gift to us... Wow- i really am very nervous... maybe because it's finally real?...

Thank you for listening... it's been so helpfull, i've appreciated hearing all the knowledge each of you has...

Simone- i pray that God directs both of us in what to do... and if we write a letter- what to say! Thanks for the compassion...

Praying that the next 72 hours go quickly and without problems!

I will keep you informed!
Jenn.