[DisownedRocker]

During my pregnancy, I did not accept the living/medical expenses that were offered to me. The aparents did not find this out until the last day in the hospital, and they seemed very upset. My ? is if I didn't accept the expenses, were they still required by the agency to pay them??

[Leigh131313]

Did you ask them if they had been making payments? If SO...I would DEFINATELY discuss this matter with your agency.
Leigh

[katieb31323]

Many agency claim that part of the fees they charge goes to help pay for birthmother expenes. I know one we checked into said 5000 went for that....and neither of our childrens birthparents requested any where near that in expenses...including counseling. And that was on top of any legals. As an adoptive parent, I have questioned just "where the money goes" and rarely get a clear cut answer.

My guess is the adoptive parens were told that the fee they paid went to support you in some way, and when they found out you did not recieve any money related services....they were wondering the same question, "where does the money go"

I think adoptive parents and birthparents are really kept in the dark about this issue a lot of the time. I did have one social worker say to me (not any I chose to work with) after telling me the placement plan...not to forget the certified check! So cold! I am sure the birthmother she was working with would have been shocked too.

Kathy

[79nic]

It probably depends on the agency.

The agency I placed Marie through didn't build p-bmother fees into their costs. So, if a p-bmother requested financial help, the aparents would have to agree to it, and then pay above and beyond the adoption fees.

That system has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage being, aparents know that their money is going specifically to the p-bmother they've been matched with. The disadvantage being that it can make the adoption more expensive than they originally planned for. Also.... I'm not sure what happens if a p-bmother accepts financial help before she is matched, and then decides to parent. Does she have to repay the money? I'm not sure. Maybe they have some p-bparent fees built into the fees, but not all... so that the agency is able to cover expenses in those cases? Not sure, as I never accepted any financial aid.

[icunurse]

I know that at our agency, everyone pays the same fees, whether or not the bmother or bparents choose to use them. Our son's bmother had insurance which covered almost all of her hospitalization and used minimal counseling after. I guess we just figure that our fees will help to pay for counseling/medical for another bmother. Who knows....our next adoption could involve a bmother who needs housing, medical, counseling, etc. and it is nice to know that she/they will get what they need.

[michellemartin]

The agency I went through doenst charge (Kara's parents gave me a sheet of what they charge and how much) for birthmom expences. They are above the cost. The agency allows 1000.00 non medical- or maybe the state sets that guideline, I'm not really sure how that dollar amount got set. But no the pbparent doesnt pay it back if they change their mind- legal risk. So I also think there should be a spending cap in other places. I hear also of ap's putting down payments for cars, months of living expences... all that sort of thing. I cant believe it. By doing that, I think its harder for the pbparent to make a choice based soley on what they want. I really like the 1000 cap for living expences. (medical was seperate)

[DisownedRocker]

The reason I ask, is that was the last I saw/heard from the adoptive parents. I'm wondering if maybe the agency told them differently, and they're mad at me?? Also I feel that if I didn't accept the financial assistance, the agency should give it back to them.

[Girlie_Hen]

I received no money for expenses during my pregnancy (I had health insurance and lived with my parents) (I'm a bmom), and only found out last month (almost 10 years later) that the aparents paid for bmother expenses (perhaps it's standard). The aparents and I never discussed money during my pregnancy.

The aparents adopted two more times (my birthdaughter was their first child) and used a private attorney instead of an agency - to the tune of substantial savings.

However, they are not mad at me for any adoption fees they paid - I certainly never made a profit - or wanted to.

I did not receive counseling from the agency either. The agency came to my house once, when I informed them I was considering adoption (they came the next day!), after that they phoned me regularly (to check), I went to the agency once to look through profile books, and they came to the hospital with paperwork when my daughter was born.

[katieb31323]

Disowned, I am sure you are racking your brain trying to figure out if you did anything that would stop the aparents from writing/contacting you and my bet is you did NOTHING wrong!

Whether the fees they paid or didn't pay were suppose to be for your expenses or someoen else who needed them or whatever is certainly not an issue they should have with you...but with the agency.

Have you asked the agency whats up? If you have an agreement where they are suppose to contact you then the agency should help and support you to see that it happens even if there aren't laws in your state to enforce it.

I hope you here something soon!!!!!

kathy