[Tina Ocheltree]

We are grappling with the impending costs of college for our sons, and the impact of adoption costs. We have saved some $, and will be able to help along the way, but chose to invest time by being a FTM for many years. I still only work part time because we feel it's important to have me home as much as possible.

Our younger son really struggled in public school, so we were able to send him to a wonderful Waldorf school 3 minutes from home since 2nd grade, and our older son attended for middle school. (thank God!) We scraped by to pay the $6,000 tuition (each), my parents helped, and I taught at the school for 2 years and got tuition remission. It was another investment we made that has impacted our college savings! This is our last year there, and my dad has paid the tuition.

We are surprised (baffled?) to find how many parents feel OBLIGATED to simply hand their kids a full ride to college at $20,000-40,000 a year!!

I was curious how people have handled "2nd families" and college-or if you felt obligated to give your older children a free ride to college, or did they find their own way?

We love our boys and want to support them in every way we can. (that's why I'm home!) We think adopting is a better gift/example to them than handing them a free ride.

Sorry so long-just looking for some opinions!!

Thanks for listening.






__________________

[mumofone]

I couldn't agree more.

My husband works full-time, while I work part-time, so that I may be home with our son more.

We have started an RESP for our son a few months after we adopted him to help him should he choose to go to college. But, we do not intend to pay the full shot. We want him to learn responsibility, and one way to do that is to pay for part of his own education. Both my husband and myself did university on student loans, and we paid every cent of it back ourselves. It taught us the value of a dollar.

Like you, we think that being home more is the best we can do for him right now. He is only 6, but I really do think he gets excited when he comes home and one of us is waiting for him to get off the bus.

College is a long way off, and I try not to worry about it so much.

[qs mom]

I don't understand why kids think they 'deserve' college at their parents expense.

I paid my own way - every single penny!

I have bought some bonds for my son to use for college and such, but I certainly will not go into hock to send him. He can work to pay for it. Besides, I'm old. I'll be in my mid - to late 50's when my son starts college. Who'll give me any money? ha ha

I worked with a man who told his son that he had to pay his own way. He also said that when he brought home his degree he would pay off his son's student loans. The son joined the Army because he thought that dad OWED him college.

I thought that was a good approach. He said he wasn't going to pay $20,000 + for his son to go away to college and get drunk, screw around and hang out only to find that he was in the wrong major, or not college material, etc. He felt if his son was paying for it, it would mean more and he'd take it seriously.

[Livingmydream]

I live in a state that has a prepaid college fund. This let's you prepay tuition which can be used at any of the 4 year schools and/or a 2 year then a four year. You can also opt for room and board. The younger your child is when you do it, the cheaper it is. We did it on the way home from the hospital with my son
We did my daughter at 2 weeks. Should either of them decide not to go, we get the money back with a little bit of interest. The entire tuition for son is paid and 3/4 of daughters is.
In our situation, both of our parents paid for us (me &dh) to go to college of our choice. My husband also went to a 4 year post grad program. Both that and his unergrad were done at state schools. I went to a private 2 year school and then a private nursing school. So, in my situation , I feel we are able to give our children this without altering our life style, so we should.

[Tina Ocheltree]

Thanks for the input! My parents and my dh parents paid for our in state tuition, but we had to work during breaks in the summer to earn as much as possible. I also worked my last 2 years during school-mainly to have a life outside of college! Tuition was only $206 a quarter if you can believe that!

My mother always worked full time, and I always resented her not being as available or as close as I wanted to be. But they ran their own business, and that's just the way it had to be. Now that she's gone I miss her every day.

I feel very blessed that I have been able to be home so much, and that my husband wants to raise a daughter!
I know we will be better about putting away even the smallest amount for her as soon as we bring her home.

[Just Julie]

With our kids, we have paid all school expenses such as books and tuition, room and board. It has been their responsibility to buy their own clothes and pay for any entertainment and extra food costs with money they have earned themselves.

That being said, I now wish we had made a deal with them that we would reimburse them by half for any funds which they earned through scholarships and retained through good grades. For example, if they earned a $2000 scholarship toward college, we could put $1000 in the bank available to them at graduation. That way we would both be ahead financially and the student would be motivated to study harder to qualify and motivated to do the research and fill out the applications. There are many scholarships out there that don't even get used. The idea came to me too late to use it, however!

[FLsundowner]

I agree that children should learn responsibility & at least have to pay a portion of their tuition. My husband & I had long talks about this before we got married 7 years ago because I wanted children. Now, I've been thinking about it more, since we'd given up on getting pregnant & just recently found out we aren't too old to adopt a Guatemalan baby. A friend of mine handled it this way. She NEVER let her kids work, and was serious about their schoolwork. Both her daughters earned full ride scholarships anywhere in the country. Her youngest is making over $25,000 per year & is attending Ohio State University.

[LisaCA]

I went to an ivy league college in the late 70s early 80s and my parents paid for some of the costs. I was on a budget at school and worked while in college, usually 10-15 hours a week. I had grants and a loan (under jimmy carter and reagan-% much lower under carter). Dh and I joke that when we married it was a merger of debt (he went to the same college).

we plan to give our daughter the basics for school-whatever money we can up to a point, and she'll have to work during high school to save and work during college. She'll also be responsible for taking out loans. When I went to college I knew exactly what each hour of class cost me and that made sure I was motivated to never miss a day:-). Since we're 43 now, assuming dd goes to college at age 18, we'll be looking at retirement and reduced income by the end of her college experience. Since we also plan to adopt a second child, we need to save for that one too. My feeling is that the best thing I can provide for my child is her parents' financial security, so she can go on with her life and not have to worry about taking care of us. With luck that will happen.

we currently live in Los angeles, but plan to move before dd reaches 5 so we can find a community with good schools ( LA's school system stinks and so private school is almost mandatory and costs obscene amounts of money.)

and our fingers are crossed that it will all work out:-)

LisaCA

[FatBirdy]

As a fairly recent university graduate may I offer something to think about? First, by no means do I expect my parents to pay for my education. Although, there is no way that I could have done it without their help. I did have a part time job and worked full time in the summer. I also had student loans and as well as much needed financial help from my parents....and all of this was barley enough to cover all the costs.

My parents both paid their way through university - but it was SOOOOO MUCH CHEAPER back then. For example, Tina Ocheltree's tuition was only $206 a quarter. My mom said that she could make enough money in the summer to cover a full year of tuition AND books. I didn't make $10,000.00 (one year + books) over the summer - so I couldn't pay for it myself. I wish I could. Also, my parents "made too much money" according to the government (my parents don't think so )so I wasn't able to get a student loan for as much as I needed - not as long as I was still a dependant.

So, that is all that I had to say - I just wanted to raise a point. I am so happy that my parents were able to help pay my way through school - otherwise, there is NO WAY that I would have been able to do it.

[roxanna425]

I am currently in graduate school. My parents paid for my undergraduate studies and I am paying for my graduate degree. Having done it both ways I would say that I might assist my child with some college costs but there's no way I'll give them a free ride. I NEVER thought about how much classes cost and how much anything really cost when I was an undergraduate. I was not a party girl but I certainly never attended a class unless it was for a test . I did well but as a graduate student where I have to pay for my own classes and keep my GPA up in order to keep my scholarships I go to EVERY class and I am very mindful of the fact that I am paying for lecture time and office hours.

I see undergraduates partying and cutting class and generally being unmindful of the sacrifice their parents are making and I know I won't do it. My child won't have to work in high school but it will be of UTMOST importance that they keep their grades up and that they work during the summer and at night/weekends while they are in school.

[Colorbind love]

Actually, you can get student loads, you are always eligible for loan money, its grants you aren't eligible for if your parents make too much money.

Dh just graduated from his bachelor's program 18 months ago and is currently in grad school. Trust me, its still possible to put yourself through college. I don't intend to pay for my children's college education. I didn't before we had the experience of having to pay for DH's education ourselves. But, now that we have, I've realized how much more we both value his education than I ever cared about my own. My parents paid for me. It wasn't a big deal. And, yes, it was nice to be able to stay at home because I had no student loans that required I work. But, I really think I would have valued my education more if I had been responsible for it.

I'll help my kids make sure they have a roof over their heads and food in their stomach. I am even willing to assist with the cost of school books because having to pay that out of your living money the first month of each semester is just really crummy. But, I won't pay for college tuition. If they want their degree, they can find a way to pay for, whether that means they work their bums off for scholarships, get student loans, go into the military, sign up for the peace corp or work full-time for a company that offers tuition reimbursement policies. There are always ways to pay for college.

[34andhopeful]

I was also not able to get student loans - they said that I did not need the moeny cuz my parents could "afford" it. What they did not take in to consideration was that my parents were raising 6 kids - they just look at the dollar amount...

Now, parents can get a loan for any reason.

I was however able to get a grant because I fell in the right category. Grants do not have to be paid back - thank goodness ( my books were paid for) but my 12,000 tuition was not (and that was more than 15 years ago - OMG, it JUST hit me, I started college 15 years ago! Where did all of the time go?)

I am scared that my son will be a rocket scientist and get in to yale or some other Ivy League school. THEN we will be in BIG trouble. I would hate to send him to an in state school - even though they may be good - if he is a mensa candidate...LOL

Do I worry too much? hee hee. I just want him to be happy and healthy and I will TRY not to worry about money.

I never thought that we could find 27K for the adoption and we found a way. I know that I will find a way to fund college. His JOB can pay for Grad school...hee hee 9 That is how my husband got his Masters)