[Brat]

Well, the thread title says it all.

Our nanny called yesterday (Sunday) and left a message on our answering machine stating that she was offered another job for more money and couldn't refuse. Said she had something to do today, and then it starts Tuesday. Said she loves the baby and thinks I'm nice, but is sorry.

So, I am at home today, where, ironically, I would love to stay but can't until I get an at-home job. And plus, I can't quit my job with no notice unlike someone else I know.

I have been nothing but nice to this lady, even when she told me a couple of weeks ago that my daughter loves to cuddle because "she is traumatized from being taken from her mother." What did I say? Nothing at first because it just didn't compute, but then the next day I gently explained bonding and attachment and gave her a chapter in an adoption book to read. I reassured her that when my daughter caresses her, it because she loves her. For that, I got more dumb stories about trauma and adoption.

I'm in a weird state of elation that she's out of our lives, yet anxious because I don't want to place my precious child, who I have waited for all my life, in the arms of another stranger, unsupervised, in my home. Since she's almost eight months, maybe she's ready for daycare?

So, here's my question after all this rambling: How old was your child when you placed him/her in daycare?

[redhedded]

My friend, I am so sorry and well, quite angry for you. It was quite insensitive for her to leave you in a lurch like that; though sensitive has not been her middle name. My friend, who is a nurse, placed her son, after two unsuccessful attempts at having a nanny, in a childcare program. She was very happy with her choice and felt that he benefited greatly. I think that it is a great plan if you and hubby decide on it. Also, she opted to go with a large, somewhat corporate childcare center that she toured in advance, met with the director and spent several days there (out of vision) observing the program. Thinking of you.

[BabsCanada]

Well, this is definitely an undeserved dilemma - but what can you do!? There are those of us who are conscientous enough to never leave anyone in the lurch like this, and there are those ...
Anyway;
I wouldn't be afraid of seeking out a more commercial daycare, wherein you know they are always there. It is a good advantage; even a home daycare can have somewhat unsettled hours, and if it is one mom looking after x kids, what happens when she gets sick? We are currently using a home daycare, with that one mom, who hasn't had a sick day yet! but I always recognize it's a possiblility.
Our daughter was in a commercial daycare from age 2 - 5 years, and it was wonderful for her and for us. She made major steps socially there, and although I pulled her from there and into our current home daycare when she was 5 (because of close proximity to her school), I remain on the board of directors at the daycare.
I know that our daycare only accepts children at age 18 months. I've never asked what parents of babies under 18 months can do. I guess you would need to research what is available in your area, home daycare or commercial daycare, and investigate well! I know you are kind of under the gun here, but trust your instincts, and then arrive unannounced whenever possible. You'll know.
Babs

[Brat]

Thank you, Red. You continue to be cooler than the other side of the pillow, a wonderful, supportive friend.

And thank you for being angry for me...I may be there by tomorrow but right now I think I'm still in shock.

I read over my post again and I wanted to clarify that I do believe that some kids are traumatized by their adoptions, and I don't mean to minimize anyone's pain. I just don't think it's worth the energy to repeat all the dumb stories--I'll say that again--this woman related because they were stereotypical, and offensive to every single person in the triad.

I was hoping to get a work-at-home job in the next couple of months, before my daughter could comprehend adoption. I wanted her nanny to have nothing to do with that process, given her prejudice against birthmoms--visibly bristling when I'd bring up speaking with my daughter's--disregard for adoptive parents, and stereotypes of adoptees. Really, she needed to go and just saved me the trouble.

I looked up some daycare centers. It's hard to find somewhere for a seven month old. I'm just soured on nannies right now, even though intellectually I know they're not all bad. Maybe I'm meant to stay home now. Hmmmm....

[Brat]

And thank you, Babs! Sorry I missed your response as we must have posted at about the same time.

I'm still hunting! I may be putting too much pressure on myself to think I'd find other arrangements in one day. And, who'd want to? My daughter deserves careful thought and consideration, and I'm not going to just drop her off anywhere.

[amom4life]

Originally posted by Brat
I looked up some daycare centers. It's hard to find somewhere for a seven month old. I'm just soured on nannies right now, even though intellectually I know they're not all bad. Maybe I'm meant to stay home now. Hmmmm....

Brat~ I had the same thought the minute I saw the title of your thread...hmmm...maybe someone is trying to tell Brat that it's time to be home now.
HuGs,
Judy

[Brat]

Somebody with a capital "S"?

[BabsCanada]

Well ya know, I think about this almost every day -
Obviously plenty of families raised children without that second income. Do I REALLY need to work. I have even told my current boss, you know, I waited a LONG time for this child. I'm not going to knock myself out working here and giving up everything I waited so long for.
Brat - can you stay home? For the next 2 months, until you find the work-at-home proposition?
Naturally, you want to give notice to your current employer. But some things (babies!) are just way more important.
All that being said - I do work, fulltime, and yes I just don't see the budget balancing without my income. It definitely would mean changing our lifestyle, and frankly, we kind of like our lifestyle. Thankfully, because as I quite often remind my current boss! I only started work as 'part time', and it only became 'fulltime' because that's the way it came to be - but I do enjoy flexibility and I do take time off as I or my daughter need it. Work is work, and stays there. Family is family, and it comes first.
When we got the phone call that we'd been chosen to parent , I was able to give only 3 days notice to my then-employer. They weren't happy. I didn't care. I said strongly! "Don't ask me to define my priorities for you". Like, I should say No to this match because I have to give 2 weeks' notice at work? I don't think so!

Still, I'm not convinced that my daughter would have benefited by my being a stay-at-home mom. For us, daycare for her and flexible working hours for me has worked out well.

Anyway, if your current job was due to end within 2 months, and your plan was to find work-from-home in 2 months, well maybe your current job could end now? Or cut back to part time?

There still should/could be good daycare options for you. I just don't envy you for having to make such a huge decision on such short notice. I hope it works out.

Babs

[BabsCanada]

Oops - omitted addressing the only real question in your first post -
Our daughter came to us at 7 mos. I was able to stay home for 3 mos and did place her in a home daycare at 10 mos. It was fine., she was fine.
Also, I didn't address that I think you are better off without THIS particular nanny anyway.
Babs

[kashicaat]

Our daughter was watched by family, and after many issues with flakiness and left hanging, we decided to put our daughter into daycare at 1 year. We actually felt more comfortable with the daycare setting because it was so dependable. We actually used a daycare run by the college I attended and we both really liked the staff, and we could also watch "out of sight" as much as we wanted, so that made it a pretty easy decision.

[lisa in venice]

clean out your mailbox. amybe I can help.

lisa

[disneycruiser71]

I am so sorry Brat, as a former Nanny I can say that in 12 years of employment I would NEVER walk out on a job without notice of at the very least 2 weeks, my last job I gave 6 weeks even though the conditions I was living under were horrible! But I didnt want the children to suffer because I was unhappy with the job so I stayed for 6 weeks while arrangements were made and I could help train a new Nanny for the family. Also I am adopted so I cant understand where she was coming from on the whole birthmom thing at all. Sure I agree that children sense loss of a birthparent they certainly do not at under 3 years! Unless of course they were tpr'd and had lived with a birthparent. Anyways I hope that it all works out for you. Here are some ideas, can you contact your local college? There might be a early childhood or education major that is looking for a job that could assist you temporarily? Can you look into home day cares that may have an opening? I personally do not have a problem with a larger daycare as long as they allow drop ins, and you can observe them with your child anytime you want to do so. Do you think that your current employer could give you a bit of time to make arrangements? I read a lot of your posts but I am not sure what the situation is with that so forgive me if that is not possible.

(((((((((((((((((BRAT))))))))))))))))))) big hugs to you and I really hope that things work out for the best for you and your dd.

[Support2Adopt]

Brat,
Although this has happened at an inconvienent time for you, given some of the comments this nanny has voiced, it seems she is more anti-adoption and in the long run, most likely her leaving is a good thing.
JJ

[Brat]

Disneycruiser/JJ--I have an inkling that the reason why she has a thing with birthparents is that she has a foster care license and has taken in at least one child. Perhaps he had been abused, so she mistakenly thinks that all birthparents are bad eggs. One day, when I happened to mention I was sending pictures, she said I shouldn't because the birthmom might come after the baby. Grrrr. That's just not something I wanted my daughter around once she was cognizant.

But speaking of Disney Cruises, ah, but do I ever need one of those right now! Thank you for all of the advice, and thank you, Babs, for more food for thought!

I'm going to go work for a few hours tomorrow, then all day Wednesday and Thursday. We received the most wonderful blessing because an hour ago, a friend who is a SAHM offered to watch my daughter until we figure out what we want to do. We want to pay her what we paid the nanny, and she refuses to take anything. We'll see about that! Anyways, she is encouraging us to let her babysit at least through next week. We don't want to take advantage of her, so that's about as long as we'll give ourselves.

Hubby and I had a long talk at dinner, and are praying that I can find a stay-at-home job quickly. If not, we'll put our daughter in a professional daycare setting until I do. That will give her opportunity to develop some socialization skills--right now she's pretty sheltered--and allow us to get input on her development from professionals. We also won't have to put someone in the position of being let go.

Well, I'm tired! Lisa, I'm going to PM you my email address, as my box is hopelessly full and I don't have the energy to cut and paste what I want to save. Loooong day!

[mj77]

Brat, I'll be praying for your situation too. Have you tried checking out daycares that are in people's homes, I mean do you know anyone or does someone you know, know someone who runs an inhome daycare?--Gosh, I hope that made some sense. Do you think your daughter would be better in a smaller daycare center where she can get the one-on-one more like she did with her nanny? At least it will only be a couple of months--God willing. Perhaps this nanny needed to be out of your life for a reason. I agree she should've gave a little notice.