[tobeafamily]

AMom you've been through so much...yet I can't help but think 'No coincidences....everything happens for a reason."

So a couple of thoughts:

1. Can you arrange for a social worker experienced in adoption to meet with this young couple, provide counseling and assess the situation for you? Maybe via an attorney down there?

2. Remember you DO NOT have to travel until TPR has been completed. Meaning: no travel in hopes of a baby only to return home empty handed.

your expeirence is so much like some dear friends of ours, who went through several failed placements before their second child came. All I can say is to do what feels right in your heart.

Hang in there.

Regina

[wishing4more]

Okay...so you were not looking for this situation. I understand that you are still grieving for the little one that did not get placed with you, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason. I've had 2 contested adoptions...while is was difficult, I grew and learned and wouldn't change anything.

I also adopted a newborn from Florida (not one of the contested ones). At that time consent was signed at 24hrs and irrevocable. I do believe that is has changed and is now 72hrs. I'd inquire about private foster care and wait to travel until everything is signed. We stayed for 6 days for ICPC. I used a lawyer in Tampa.

Best of luck to you!

[AMom2Two]

I don't think I could put the baby in foster care to protect my fear. I think I would have to fly the family down there, including my 3 1/2 year old daughter. Once we get there, we can leave her with our friends if needed during the day. She has never spent a night without us. There is no one who could do this also. She would have to come.

I keep thinking about all the what ifs, and what we would be exposing her to.

[sandymomof2]

I agree it is a bit scary/risky to fly to another state just
praying that everything works out. We were so fortunate
that all went according to plan for both of ours. Our daughter
was 2.5 yrs when we flew to MN for our 2nd adoption.
We just told her we were going on an adventure and didn't
go into the details with her until we were comfortable that
it was really going to happen. As long as the bmom
doesn't mind you being there, I wouldn't have missed
being at the hospital for anything! It gave me a chance
to actually meet the bmom and her family and friends and
get to know her in person. This will also enable me to answer
questions a little better when the girls get older and start
asking. I know, first hand, some of the emotions that these
wonderful young ladies went through when entrusting us
to be parents to their babies. We had some wonderful
heart to heart talks with no one else in the room (except
the baby!) and I think that made us both feel more
comfortable with each other and her decision to continue
with the adoption plan.

Sometimes you just have to take the risk - if things were
meant to be it will happen and it will all be worth it.

I agree that pre-placement counseling for the bparents
would be an excellent idea.

If you are really considering doing this, I would recommend
talking to an attorney soon. The sooner an attorney
gets involved, the sooner you can get the bmom's medical
info, etc. If the bmom is undecided, she may balk at filling
out some of the paperwork requested by the attorney.
Also, an experienced adoption attorney will talk to the
bmom and will get a sense of where she's at and let you know
if he/she thinks it's risky. Also, the sooner the paperwork can
get started, the easier it will be to get through ICPC.

Best of luck!

Sandy

[spitzlvr]

I just sent you a PM.

[coco46]

Hi AMom,

I think it's natural that you're concerned & worried. Your family is still recovering from a loss, and OF COURSE you don't want to risk being hurt again, especially while you're feeling fragile.

But I personally think this situation sounds like it's at least worth some investigation. Perhaps this was "the plan" for you all along? I know it's hard to get your hopes up, but listen to your heart, and if it seems right, maybe you should think about going forward.

As far as not having the security of an agency to work with, could your agency at home possibly be of help providing the name of a FL agency this you and this young woman could use to assist you? Just a thought.

I'm praying for you and thinking of you!
Coco

[lisa in venice]

I think you should just conditionally accept and see where this situation goes. I whole heartedly agree that this young women seriously needs some counseling, the birth father as well. Why not start putting your duck in a row; talk to them, see if you all "click",hire attorneys, find counseling etc and see what happens. You don't have to jump on a plane tomorrow. I would feel out the situation a little more first.

lisa

[Sarah0518]

Mom2Two

We just had a last minute match in June (2-1/2 weeks from the first time we spoke the bmom to ds being born). The bmom lived in Fl we lived in VA. Compared to my state FL is a dream to adopt from. I would definately consider it. The bmom and her mom wanted an open adoption, so we flew in for the birth. It was a fast delivery so, Ds beat us in arriving by 2 hours.

In June at least TPR was 48 hours or when the bmom is discharged, whichever is longer. Most vaginal deliveries are 48 hours, cesearian is 72. Ours was 48 hours. There is no revocation period. Once the paperwork is signed it is final unless the bparents can prove duress or something improper was done.

Our paperwork was signed late Friday, so it wasn't filed with ICPC until Monday. We got approval to leave Friday afternoon, so our time FL was not very long. 1-1/2 weeks total from birth to back home.

Florida prefers to keep the entire process start to finish within their state. You can finalize in your own state, but must petition to do so. In our case VA takes 6 months to finalize, FL usually takes 90-120 days. So needless to say, we choose to keep everything in FL. The best part is we don't even have to travel back to finalize in court because it can be done by phone. We have to provide the court with a phone number to reach us and have a notary present to attest we are who we represent ourselves as. We are supposed to finalize next week on the 19th. The lawyer says it usually only takes about 10-15 minutes.

I am going to PM you so you can contact me. I am so excited for you!

[amom4life]

Amom2Two~
I believe everything happens for a reason too. I really hope you give this a chance because this little baby boy may just be the reason that your last adoption didn't go through.

Why would the baby need to be in foster care? Wouldn't he be released to you after consents were signed and then you just have to wait out the ICPC? The thing is you wouldn't need to fly until after you were sure that consents were signed meaning you would be coming home with your baby.

I know you're scared and of course you need to do what you feel is right, but I wouldn't pass on this.

Praying for you!
HuGs,
Judy

[Sarah0518]

In Fl, when the bparent rights are termed the baby must be signed over to an agency or lawyer recognized by the state. From there, it is up to the agency (or lawyer) as to what their policy is. Most re-assign their rights to the aparents immediately.

I've heard of some agencies requiring interum foster care in state that have a revocation period, but unless something changed since June 04, rights aren't termed until the bmom is released from the hospital, which is the same time the baby is usually released, so I'm not certain why foster care would come into play.

[mimc]

((Amom)) - you have been through so much over the past few weeks, and you have handled it all with such grace and class. I pray this new situation will work out for you.

Have you had a chance to speak with the potential birthmom at all? It sounds like this situation has the potential to be very good, as long as your family and the b-family feel it's a good match. Please keep us posted!

[coco46]

Hi AMom,

Just wanted to check in and see how things are going for you. I say my prayers for you every day!

HUGS
Coco

[Support2Adopt]

If you should choose to wait to go to FL and have the baby go into foster care, I would ask the agency if they have their own foster familes the baby could go to.
When we adopted from FL, that was the route we took. It did cost some money, (I don't remember how much,) but it was reasonable.
JJ

[AMom2Two]

I talked to my friend again today. She called to tell me she spoke with her coworker over the weekend. She said her coworker was happy to hear that we would adopt her unborn son, but when she found out about our daughter's adoption, being open, she said she has to think about it. She said she liked that we had one child from adoption but didn't realize it was open. Her plans were to have a closed adoption as she has said I want to forget this even happened. She asked my friend, how can I do that if I keep looking at pictures and seeing him?

I asked my friend if she is in counseling and she said no. Her coworker told her she doesn't need it, she is not conflicted about placing this baby. She doesn't want him. She knows what she needs to do and she just wants to get it done now. My friend said she "freaked" when she found out we have visits with our daughter's bparents. NOT WHAT SHE WANTED, she said.

Oh, well, all I can do is follow the opportunities that God puts in front of me. She has her right to choose the family she wants. I feel better that I at least said yes, and she is the one who is saying no now. I can have peace with that. I just never thought I would be passed over so many times for wanting an open adoption.

Oh well hopefully next time.....

[79nic]

Amom,

(((Hugs))). You've been through so much lately, now this....


N