[Crane13]

I am looking for pointers on keeping children occupied during church. Our foster daughter, who is almost 6, sits quietly and pays attention to the service. She reads a book or works on the children's bulletin during the sermon.

Not so with the four year old. We have tried letting him read books for just the sermon, letting him read books or color for the whole service. It always ends up with him getting drug out to have a time out, which he might even prefer to church! We have had these two foster kids for about five weeks. I really want our kiddos to worship with us and not just do something else during the whole service. (And I recognize that this is very new to them.) Selfishly, I would like a littel peace so I can worship too. (Good Luck, right? Is that why I am a fmom? For the peace? LOL)

Please Help!!

Jill

[Jensboys]

Some ideas from me (church administrator / leadership team member / mother of 4 boys)

1) Mini back pack with assortment of toys(ie cars (quiet ones), figurines, crayons, felts etc) that either he pics out before church or that you have put together that are ONLY for church (therefore more likely to keep him distracted).

2) Accept that it is probably unrealistic to expect a 4 year old BOY to sit still for an hour or an hour and a half in a quiet environment. There is obviously no sunday school program during the service ... why? is there other options or frazzled parents that would be willing to coordinate a children's program during the sermon. There are some wonderful children's programs that are EASY to impliment for the preschool level. For example - at our church, the kids stay for worship and then are taken to a class that is at their age level. for ages 3-5 that includes a whole lot of active play. Focus on the Family even has videos that you could do ... kids are certainly going to learn more doing that than they are in the sermon.

3) FOOD. Lots of non-messy snacks in little packages that he can open and eat.

And ... remember with boys, even if they dont seem to be learning or absorbing anything ... they probably still are!

[LoveRiddenDad]

I really like Jenn's tips.

Also, when I was a kid, my mother gave me an Etch-A-Sketch for church services. No little crayons to color on pews with or drop or annoy others with.

[roxanna425]

I think it may be too much to expect him to behave for the whole hour. Especially if he's not used to it. The activity backpack is a good idea, also the snacks. I'd also take turns with your partner if you have one on going outside with him. Churches often have playgrounds that that children can go to when the parents are in service. Please also use positive feedback when he does behave for any amount of time otherwise he's just getting attention from you when he misbehaves.

[Mistymouse]

What kind of children's programs does your church have?

At the church where I attend, Sunday school occurs before the church service.

When it comes to the church service, the kids sit with their parents. The church provides a bag with crayons, childrens' bulletins and possibly other things.

Anyway, about 5 minutes or so into the service, we have a meet and greet time (while a song is being sung). During this time, the children go up to the front for a short children's message. After that is over, children between the age of 3- 2nd grade, come with me. I lead a children's church service. We sing songs, do a bible story and have activities.

Is that a possibility at your church?

[Crane13]

I have to say that our church is not the most kid-friendly environment. We go to a smaller church that uses the traditional worship style. We are kid friendly, though, in that the members do not generally mind the disruption of children. I am very sure that it bothers me more then others, but at this rate, I am not getting a satisfying "worship experience" on Sunday mornings.

Sunday school is before church... and they feed the children donuts every week! Nothing like a sugar high to prepare for chuch.

There is nothing offered for children besides church during the church hour. Our services are about 50 minutes, so I don't think that is too long for a child. Also no children's message.

I do expect a lot out of my children and they are awesome kiddos. This is just a very new experience, as we have only fostered babies prior to this.

Great suggestions so far. Huge help. In church this morning, I just kept thinking that I could not wait to get home and post on the forum! Thanks all.
Jill

[tlc4kidz]

Does your church have a cry room? We have a sound-proof room that is glass and sound piped in so I can sit and listen to the sermon but everyone else doesn't have to hear my kids. I used to sit out in the pews for as long as possible then go back there, but with 4 kids 12, 8, 19 months and 4 months I just start out there now. My older guys do fine, but even my 8 yo gets antsy sometimes......I think it's alot to expect for a child, boy OR girl of 4 years old to sit for even an hour. You want them to grow up to LOVE worshipping, not feeling like it was a hassle every week.

If there are even 4 families that have small children and would want to rotate weeks doing a children's program you could at least fully enjoy your time 3 weeks out of the month....they might be relieved, too. And I bet you could find some jr. or sr. youth who would love to help out. Hope it works out. Sounds like your going to have to get creative for a while.

[leaabc123]

I hate to suggest it but have you thought about finding a moe family friendly atmosphere.
I remember as a kid being forced to sit and listen to grown-up church and all it did was make me dread going.
It was quite a difference later on when I went to church with my sis' family. They were much more family friendly with a children's message and activities for the younger kids.
If I was going to go to join again, I would make sure it was one that had things to offer my kids as well as me.

[GE_Glows]

Thought I'd give you my 2 cents worth too...

I'm a pastor's kid and mother of 2 girls - ages 9 & 11 who truly worship in church every Sunday. It certainly has never been easy - but consistency was the key. (Now, while I was growing up it was much easier for my mom - since a particular look from my dad - while he was in the middle of his sermon - was all it took to get me to sit still and be quiet LOL!!) When my girls were younger - ages 2 &4 - we belonged to a huge church with more programs than I can count. However - the programs were only for children up to school age, after that the children were expected to be in church - worshipping - with their parents. Trying to get my girls ready for this - especially the older one - I was talking with my mom. She tracked down a copy of a book called "Parenting from the Pew". WOW what a book! It is simply FULL of ideas for teaching you children about church - and the practice of WORSHIP (which is vastly different from simply sitting quietly in the pew while the adults listen to the sermon). I followed many of the suggestions in the book, adapted others to fit my girls' personality, and by the time the younger one was 5 they were both sitting in church - worshiping. My copy of that book is long gone - passed around to other moms who asked me how I "did it" with my girls. I have long since lost track of who had it last. Unfortunately I don't recall the author's name, but I would HIGHLY recommend it. All I can say is - my girls look forward to church every week and by the questions they ask in the car on the way home I know they are really listening to the sermon. In fact - they now take notebooks with them to church to write down their questions - which is especially helpful when Mom doesn't know the answer and we have to call Poppa. (We don't belong to his church - but having a pastor for a dad is like having a living concordance!)

Best Wishes and prayers for you as you continue to teach the children you love about the God you love.


Toby

[blessedmomee]

My perspective is a little different. I think it is very possible for little ones to sit quietly during a worship service.
We attend a family based church. We encourage families to worship together as a family- no sunday school, no jr. church, no youth group, no nursery. Our services are 1.5 hours in length and include 20 minutes of music and then a children's story. The message then lasts an hour.
We have seven children(ages 12, 10, 3, 3, 2, 2, and 4mo.). We start teaching our little ones to sit still during the message when the are between 12-18mo., based on their ability to understand the concept of sitting still. They have all done great! They sit very still- no toys, books, or snacks. I remember when our oldest were little we did everything we could to keep them busy and quiet during the service! Ugh! It just kept us busy(getting more cheerios out, or another book or picking up toys that were dropped on the floor, etc!).
When they hit an age that we know they can understand to sit still during church, we begin the teaching! Some of our children have gotten it in one or two services, one took three months to comprehend. We usually begin by holding them very still in our laps. When they try to get down or start to fuss, we softly tell them no. When they really start to fuss, we take them out to a quiet room and sit with them in a chair, keeping them still on our laps. Of course, they cry and fuss in the beginning!! When they sit quietly on our laps, we return to the service. Sometimes, we are in and out of the service many times until they get the hang of what is going on.

We are certainly not perfect parents! We haven't had any problems teaching any of our children to sit still for a long period of time (this has been a huge asset during weddings and plane trips!!!). It does help that our younger children have the older children setting an example. It also helps that we began expecting this at a very young age. Our children LOVE going to church! The younger ones enjoy the music (dh and I are the worship team-we provide the music service and our little ones sit in the front row. They love to sing!)and children's story. They don't really get anything out of the message, but they are learning a valuable lesson! By sitting through the service as they get older they learn so much from the messages. My opinion is they aren't being entertained and as adults they won't be looking to be entertained in church, but to grow in and serve the Lord.

Although, it is a entirely different situation teaching a four year old to master this, it can be done! Obviously, it is much more difficult in that your foster son may never have gone to church before! I'm sure it will take some time! I would begin by having a quiet time at home, where you may read a longer story or listen to an audio tape of a message. We have family devotions each night, where we expect everyone to sit quietly during storytime. This certainly helps the teaching process.
Carry this over to your church services. Talk to your child about what you expect throughout the week. If there is a time that you have to take your child out of the service, keep it brief and serious-make sure this isn't a time for your child to have fun or take a break from the service.! I would use alot of postive reinforcement and a reward system.

What an awesome mom you are for wanting your son to worship with you! I pray that you find a way for you both to get the most out of your services!

[mj77]

I do agree with leaabc123. Would you even be open to concidering finding a more family friendly church? I live closer to cities where there is more of a variety of churches of my denomenation so it's probably easy for me to suggest such a thing. I too think even 50 mon. is a long time for a child to sit in my opinion. Is there a service durring the kids Sunday school time? It would just be so sad if they continued to be bored or dread church, and I am sure that certainly isn't what you want them to grow up feeling. You need your worship time too without the distraction of the children. It's just some food for thought

[amom4life]

Jill~
Blessedmomee wrote the exact post that I was going to write so now I don't have to.

We also believe in our family all worshipping together. Even though our present church does have a nursery we never have or will put our son in it and the same goes for Sunday school. We just feel like the Lord's day is for covenant renewl and that teaching is the responsibility of the parents and especially the father.

Our son is only 8 mos. old and he sits still in church for 1.5 hours. Of course he's still a baby so is not always totally quiet, but no one in the congregation minds. In fact one Sunday all the babies in church were on a roll jabbering and making noise. Our pastor stopped in the middle of the sermon and said. " Listen everyone, the beautiful voices of the children praising God."

I think it just takes patience, Practice, and presistance and it is completely doable. I think its wonderful that you are all worshipping together and I hope you will continue too. It is so special and I believe bibical.
Judy

[amom4life]

I don't agree that having a nursery, sunday school, youth programs, etc.. make a church family friendly when all of these things segregate the family. Plus I feel it benefits children to be around people of all ages not just their peers.
Judy

[Support2Adopt]

I was going to suggest possibly looking for another church that has Sunday school, but I see someone beat me to it!
I think part of the boredom comes from children not always understanding what is going on, not to mention having to stay still for so long.
At one of the churches we attend, they have Sunday school and it's broken down into different groups by age. For our family, this has worked well.
JJ

[mj77]

I agree JJ, and amom4life, I completely see your value in wanting the family together for worship. My own belief, again, I respect everyone's view here, is that yes it is great to worship as a family, but Christ says, "let the children come to me" and I think if there is a church that has a great curriculum at an age appropriate level for the young ones, they might be able to get more out of the message. Some churches talk of big issues that might be over little one's heads so, I think it is very appropriate, if possible to have sunday school for the children. The bible also says, "let each one work out his own salvation." It is up to each of us as believers to have our own relationship--but I am NOT saying that church should be an option for young children. Certainly it is your job as a Christian to provide the opportunity for those seeds to be planted.

I was forced to go to "big" church (main service) when I was young until about 4th grade because there wasn't the a variety of classes available for kids at the same time as a service. I grew up to resent it greatly and not think serving God could be a joy. When I met my dh, then boyfriend (we were teens), we started going to church (different one than I've discussed) and got plugged in classes that were relavent to where we were and grew. My oldest now goes to the preschool aged S.s. class and my youngest goes to the nursery. My dh and I are able to worship God without worring whether our kids were behaving and my kids are having a great time learning about Christ, my oldest is doing crafts to re-enforce the Bible lesson, singing kid friendly worship songs that plant the Word in his heart and having a blast doing it! My baby gets loved in nursery and hears the Word through music played. We follow up with our oldest and retell what he's learned in S.s. with him when we get home so we are sharing with him. Worship of God can be a family thing and IMHO, should extend beyond just Sunday.