[KSAB]

Hi
DH and I received a call from our SW today,
we have a pbmom looking at our file. We were
able to get alot of information including that pbmom
did cocaine and alcohol during the 1st 4 months.
We are trying to get as much information on the side
effects on the baby.

KSAB

[mom2GRLC]

We are adopting a baby girl with similiar history. Although i'm not sure about alchohol use.

Her b/mom was on cocaine the frist trimester until she found out she was pregnant. We haven't had any problems with our little girl. We got her at 5 days old and now she is 6 months. They want us to keep the Dr. posted of any possible delays so if she does show some signs of delays they can be addressed right way.

I have heard that Alchohol is actually more challenging for a beby to overcome than cocaine.....the effects can be more long term and damaging.

I would not let her drug and alchohol use in the first trimester worry you. Most likely the baby will be fine ....and if something pops up your love for your baby will help you deal with anything that comes your way. There is never a gaurantee that your adoptive child or biological child will be perfectly healthy....and every child deserves a loving home.

We have a 5 year old boy that shows some signs of Fetal Alchohol effects but they are relatively minor. With love and patience we know we can handle any problem we run into.

Good luck to you..and your future family.

[DebCsMom]

Our son's Bmom did cocaine the first few months of the pregnancy. She used 3-4 times a week & small amounts each time. Sometimes she used more, sometimes less. When she found out she was pregnant, she quit. She also checked into a shelter that did random drug tests. She was clean the last few months.

Our son is now 1 year old. he walked early (9 months), says many words & even a couple simple sentences, his first one was "What did YOU DO!" LOL Hmmm, wonder why he said that one first? We always say that to him when he does something sassy because we want to hear him repeat it back LOL He climbs on things, understands commands like, pick up your BaBa, get your blankie, put that down, give me a kissey, I wanna hug, etc. He is ahead of schedule on alot of his milestones.

BUT that doesn't mean that he wion't have trouble when it comes time for school. He may have trouble there as SOME children with cocaine exposure do. BUT AGAIN, our bio son struggles ALOT in school. I didn't smoke, drink anything with even caffine in it or take anything not even Tylenol when I was pregnant with him. He also has ADD & Epilepsy.

If something comes up in your child's future, you deal with it then. Our PDr. told us it's also the environment that the chld is raised in. That makes ALOT of difference.

GOOD LUCK!

Deb

[KSAB]

Thanks for sharing your story. I was on another web
site last night and did not get postive stories. I
do believe that the enviroment can help a lot.
I am trying not to get excited in case she does not go thru
with the placement, although our SW told us she has
placed two children already and is raising two. So she
knows what it is to parent a child and to place one.
She is due Oct 24th. I just want to go shopping and
start buying the things I will need, but I am holding off
untill we meet with her and closer to the due date.
I have a 4 yr old son. So I have everything from him,
but if it is a girl I want girling things.

Sarah

[forevermom]

Our dd's bmom used cocaine and alcohol throughout the whole pregnancy. Our dd was cocaine positive at birth. She is now 17 mos old, and on target and meeting all age appropriate milestones. We know there is a possibility she may have some difficulty when she gets school age, but as DebC said children who were never exposed to anything can also have difficulty. You just never know.


Heidi

[KSAB]

forevermom
When your daughter was born did she have any problems.
was she born on time. What does your doctor say to look
out for.

KSAB

[Support2Adopt]

If possible, try to find out how much she used and drank. Alchohol seems to be the most damaging. In larger amounts it can cause FAS, which is a lifelong condition.
As far as drugs go, it seems that many babies, (not all,) who are exposed to drugs turn out to be just fine.
JJ

[forevermom]

I didn't get my daughter until she was 9 mos old. I can only speak from what I know from reading her records, and what her foster mother has told us. She was born between 2 to 4 weeks early, unsure as bmom had no prenatal care. She stayed in the hospital for a week, but did very well after going home.

I can tell you her bio brother who is now 4 years old, was also born addicted to cocaine and did not do as well. The foster family who took care of my now dd, adopted him. The foster mother said she had alot of problems with him when she brought him home from the hospital. She had to revive him on 2 occasions, and he was behind until about 2 years old. With alot of help and intervention, he now is doing very well. He is in preschool and ahead of most of the other children his age.


Heidi

[2boyz1girl]

I really do think that the environment makes a huge difference. I know there are effects from drug and alcohol exposure that can't be "fixed." But from what I've heard, the substance exposed infants that are placed in good homes at birth tend to do pretty well. Our dd was exposed to excessive amounts of alcohol (bmother admitted to using alcohol and marijuana daily), she is almost two now and doing extremely well intellectually. She's right on track in everything except her speach, but that's catching up too (I believe that delay is due to the traumatic visitation she had to go through rather than the exposure.) She does have some minor health problems that may be due to the alcohol. Things may show up later, but she is so worth it!

[SadieAnn]

My dh & I are "waiting" to adopt. Another couple in our group adopted a girl that test positve for cocaine at birth. Bmom wasn't honest up front so they really don't know how long she used or when. The drs were able to do some tests right away to tell some early signs, weight, head size, some type of reflex test, and not sure what else. They were hopeful. They took her home and brought her to group one. So adorable!!! She's doing great & it's been @ 2 mos. She does have some irritability with digestion. Drs said that would probably happen and that she would eventually get through it. Naturally they will have to watch some developmental progress along the way, but for now all signs are very positive. They said a dr. said if you had to chose between cocaine exposure and alcohol, cocaine is better (what a choice huh?!) Also our pediatrician was pretty hopeful about exposure to both cocaine and alcohol if it wasn't heavy. Best of luck!

[redhedded]

While I certainly believe that environment plays a role, one must be prepared for the reality of in utero alcohol exposure and the lack of certainty. I would have MUCH LESS concern about a child exposed to narcotics; while embarking on school can present new challenges to the child and to you as a parent, early intervention can often assist a child to quickly catch up with his peers. Drug exposure often does not present any long term affects.

There is no safe standard for alcohol ingestion. What gravely affects one's child might not remotely affect anothers, as each woman's body has a different level of tolerance. Alcohol, however, unlike many other drugs, penetrates the placenta and destroys brain cells. Regular alcohol use during the first trimester is the most dangerous. There are thousands of children that are alcohol exposed in utero and have no lasting effects; they are healthy, bright and do as well as their non exposed peers in school and in interpersonal relationships. But, alcohol is the number one cause of mental retardation, ranging from mild to profound. While many children are born with the physical characteristics of FAS, many are not. There has been tremendous research and headway made in the last ten years in understanding, working with and assisting these children to learn and increase social skills.

I tell you this not to strike fear but so that you might educate yourself and be fully prepared for the myriad of possibilities. Best of luck on your journey. 2boyz1girl: I love your approach! Of course, it is worth it; she is your daughter.

[KSAB]

I am so torn as to accept this baby, not because of the
drugs and alcohol, I question myself. If this baby is born
with problems do I have it within me to give this baby
what it will need. My son is going to start school next
year and I would love to be involved I want to be able
to volunteer. Will I be able to give both of them what
they need. I know this my sound terrible but how do you
know if you can take care of a child that has problems
from drugs and alcohol. When any of you were presented
with your match did you know right off did you have to
think about, is what I am feeling normal. She is due
October 24th and I can not quit thinking about it.

KSAB

[2boyz1girl]

KSAB,
I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. I still have fears that I won't be able to handle everything, two years after the fact. You just have to make the commitment, tell yourself that you are going to do it, then do it. It really is hard because there is just no way to tell how effected this baby will be. With our baby, we fell in love with her before we fully understood the possible effects she could face, so we were already committed to her no matter what. I have two older boys (8 and 4) and I haven't been able to do everything I would like to (volunteer at school, etc), but it's not due to the substance exposure -- it's simply due to the fact that I have more than one child. I'm also fully convinced that siblings of children with special needs learn to be much more compassionate -- so your son may miss out on some things, but he will get to experience others. We're in a similar position again, we're still licensed for foster care and debating taking other substance exposed babies. There are days when I think "NO WAY!" Then there are days when I look at my precious daughter and know that she was meant to be in our family, and I know if we get that call I won't be able to say "no."

[Momof2andcats]

I just ran this scenario past my pediatrician last week and he said hands down that alcohol (even as small as one drink) can affect the baby far more than numerous hits of cocaine.

My husband and I will not consider situations where there was any alcohol usage whatsoever. I realize that we are taking a risk if we accept a drop-in situation and don't know the full history or if the bmom lied-but what can you do.

Good luck in this decision! Best wishes-Sarah(mom of 2)

[KSAB]

I am feeling really down today. Our SW called today to tell
us that the pbmom changed her mind and she is actually
going to give her baby to another couple that has already adopted
one of her other children.
I think one of the hardest thing about this is telling everybody
that it did not work out and listening to everybody comments
they think they are being helpful but sometimes I just
do not want to hear it.
I guess i am having one of those moments feeling sorry
for my self.

Thanks everybody for your help

KSAB