[dadfor2]

hi all,

ill try to make this quick....as most of you know, we are preadoptive parents of two boys.

they have been with us for over 2 yrs....we decided due to our older sons issues, that we werent going to legalize like most within the six month trial period.

we wanted to make sure he was getting all the services that he needed.

they have been pushing (not to hard) for us to legalize our younger son but we wanted to hold off on him too because i cant imagine how our older son would of reacted had we only adopted his brother and not him...

well, as you know, due to our older sons issues, we had too disrupt the adoption and we are full swing ahead on legalizing our younger one now.

i got a call from our childrens social worker who said that she went to court and talked to our kids lawyer.

he stated that he wants to meet the kids and see what we are like....she told me that she has no idea why he wants to do this and she is just giving us a heads up that he might be calling.

do i need to be concerned with this? has this ever happened to anyone?

i know he will see a loving family so im not concerned with that....i think...but she doesnt know and of course we dont know, why he wants to see us.

has this ever happened to anyone? just freaking out over here.

dadfor2

[lucyjoy]

I had a set of siblings before the system here knew much about attachment disorder. The GAL did come out and meet with us and took my kids seperately to meet with them. It freaked me out at the time, but the boys are still here 7 years later.

He has to decide if he should recommend the sibling split and be sure the younger child is adjusting well to your house. It means he cares. Many GAL's barely glance over a kids file the day of court and just recommend whatever the SW said. The ones who take the timd to follow their cases and meet the kids are really doing their job.

[dadfor2]

thanks lucyjoy, thats reasurring.

another question...can i tell him how we feel about trying rispderdol with our older son.

every discharge, from every hospital he has been in, states we should try, but no one wants too be the first to give it to him .

not sure if he would be the one to speak too, part of me feels since he is coming..maybe we can tell him exactly what we feel this child might need.

weather he does anything with the information is up to him, but not sure if that would be the place to bring it up.

dont want to create any waves

dadfor2

[dadfor2]

oh wait......this is not his GAL...actually, he was just appointed a GAL and we have not met this person yet. we are trying to find the name so we can call them and sit down and talk.

this person is another lawyer...not really sure the different...actaully, the judge ordered him too meet with the kids and us.

dadfor2

[lucyjoy]

The judge can appoint a GAL at anytime and send him out. I would not mention the drugs. You're not a doctor and unless a doctor suggests, it just isn't looked at.

The GAL generally doesn't talk to adoptive parents at their request because he is the kids lawyer and the parents have their own attorney. Your attorney would have to contact the GAL and request meeting and give permission for him to talk to you without a lawyer. Too be honest, unless you need to argue to deep your younger son, this won't do you any good.

[tybeemarie]

Dadfor2,

A GAL is appointed to represent the best interests of the child. In our state, GAL's are lawyers. They are also, usually, the child's attorney, which in my opinion is a bad idea. But back to the point--the child's attorney advocates for what the child himself wants, which may or may not be what the experts think is in the child's best interests. So, for example, a child's GAL may want a child removed from a placement because the GAL sees a risk of harm. But the child may not want to move because the child loves the family in the placement. The child's lawyer could argue for that.

In either case, all lawyers should know their clients. This is obvious, but that is not the reality for kids in care. Their lawyers may never have laid eyes on them, and yet they make life-altering legal judgments on their behalf. Sad and disgusting. I think it is a very good sign that this lawyer cares enough to come talk with you and your son.

Now, child welfare law pays very little and the lawyers have way too many clients and there is no cache about being a child welfare lawyer among lawyers, because juvenile court so often is more of a free-for-all than an orderly place of law. So, many child welfare lawyers are fresh out of law school and young. Many are not married, much less parents, much less parents of kids with issues. So, that can be a problem, but I doubt that will be the case with you and your family. Your family is so obviously loving and committed, I think you will do great.

I think it would be a great idea to talk to your older son's GAL and share what you know about the Risperadol issue. The GAL is in a position to make things happen if he or she is of a mind to do so.

Best of luck. I hope you all are doing well.

[Colorbind love]

Our GAL insisted on meeting with our 8 year old for a re-adoption of a foriegn adoption. Our attorney told us he had NEVER seen a GAL request to meet the child in a private adoption, and we got to be the first case. He wanted to ask some very personal questions of our son and after consulting with our adoption case worker, we decided we would NOT permit the GAL to do so. Ds has some very sad history attached to his life, and its his right to be private or share at his discretion. We felt under the circumstances, the GAL was simply being nosy and that wasn't okay.

But, I met with the GAL at a park, with ds present but grandma took him off to play out of earshot. The GAL was very nice and friendly. Basically, I think he just wanted a chance to soak up a good case. He said usually he didn't like to be in the same room as his clients, and it was wonderful to have a case where he could be very happy about everything he was doing. It was also his first GAL case too.

I think the GAL is typically a formality. Quite honestly, if the experts have signed off, rarely will the GAL object to what is decided. I wouldn't get too stressed.

[Opus]

hi dad,

I can recall trying to keep track who was who before our daughter's birthparents' TPR - we had DSS counsel as well as representatives for our daughter, her birthmother and her birthfather. A typical day in court (and there were more than a few) included not only lawyers but nearly a dozen social workers and counselors for everyone involved.

Now that the TPR has gone through, it's much less complicated on the legal end - the only ones involved now are the general DSS counsel and our daughter's GAL who is actually a very nice person and a good lawyer. He's been to our house a few times and we've actually enjoyed the visits. So I agree with colorblind, that its all just a formality and nothing to worry about.

[Cricket8351]

I wouldn't worry. Most likely the attorney or GAL just wants to meet his clients. I wish all the attorney's and GAL's had the time, desire, opportunity, etc. to actually go out and visit with the kids!

Take care,
Cricket

[dadfor2]

hi all,

just a quick update...the lawyer came, he only stayed about 15 minutes.

he commented how our younger son grew and how different he seems when he saw him before he was placed with us (for the posititive)

he looked at his room and talked about his birthmom.....he used the word "what a cooook"

then he left....but opppsssss he forgot the kids chart....

i couldnt help myself, i had to read it....it was so thick and it took me a couple of days to read it...

my kids were described as having 'severe abuse'....which we knew...and we knew SOME things that happened to them........but we didnt know it all.......

now im feeling down because i cant imagine how they survived....the things that this family did to them, was so painful to read.

i got a hold of ALL the 51A's on file...i got the address they were living in...which the house has been condemed...I got police reports that went to the house on numerous occasions from neighbors calling the police.

i got tons of stuff......i knew i shouldnt of read it, but im glad i did..

anyway, feeling a little raw after reading it.......when should these adults be put in jail?...oh, i forgot, it was on a child, not another adult......thats different...i keep fogetting that.

dadfor2

[MommaD]

Originally posted by dadfor2
anyway, feeling a little raw after reading it.......when should these adults be put in jail?...oh, i forgot, it was on a child, not another adult......thats different...i keep fogetting that.

dadfor2

I don't get it either, dadfor2. If an adult beats up another adult they go to jail. If an adult beats up their kid the kid is put in foster care and the person is given, at no cost or very little cost, all sorts of resources and help (food, housing, medical care, rehab, parenting classes) to get that child back, even if it's highly suspected they will fail and don't really want the child back. I would love for someone to explain to me why we have such a double standard

Sigh, I'll get off my soapbox now. I'm sorry your son had to go through so much

[bumpkin]

Aw Dad - so sorry, that must have been so difficult to read.

For the record - I don't think it was wrong to read the file. They have a file on YOUR children. You should be able to read it all and I'm glad you did.

How painful though.....(((cyber hug ))))

Bumpkin

[tybeemarie]

Dear Dad,

I am disgusted that all of this information was not given to you. You are his father! How on earth do they expect you to make good decisions about parenting, about consoling your son, about his education, about healing his pain, WHEN THEY DON'T GIVE YOU ALL THE INFORMATION THEY HAVE ABOUT HIS PAST??!!!??!?!?! In Illinois, the Foster Parent Law states that foster parents are entitled to information that assists them in raising the child. Maybe your state has a similar provision somewhere. At any rate, I firmly believe that you are entitled to this information, and that one day, your son is entitled to this information. ARRRGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHH!!!!!! Okay, I'm calmer now. I'm glad you had a good meeting with the lawyer. It sounds like the file was very painful reading. I hope the progress your son has made in your home is some consolation to you as you grapple with the difficult past he and his brother lived through. You and your sons are in my prayers. You're a great dad!

[dadfor2]

thanks for the support guys.

the only paperwork we got was from DSS, the paperwork that had their experience with the kids.

but this record contained so much more and in detail. i think they didnt give us any of this information becuase it is confidential and it had issues with the whole birth family with names and dates.

it had newspaper clippings and stuff like that. it had the birth familes cori's, (legal issues) it also contained their familiy tree.

i guess for legal purposes, it was to help thier case on unfit this family was.

we even got the birthmoms lawyers, and her having things removed from the court procedings......im angry at her lawyer now, even though i know it was her job.

i got interviews on parenting with the birthmom, and clearly her answers to some of these questions would be considered odd....

the thing she misses about her kids the most is that "she has no one to watch her favorite cartoons with."

we got all the visit notes when the kids were removed, and even with the social workers there, this family continued to 'verbally' abuse her children making threats...because they didnt think that would be wrong.

the list goes on and on....

the abuse stuff was written down and the neglect and abandoment...

i just couldnt believe what i read......i will never understand.

dadfor2

[rtsmom]

dadfor2... you say you know it was wrong to read the file... I say hogwash. You did the right thing and don't you feel guilty for a second.

Do you think the lawyer honestly forgot the file at your home... or do you think maybe it was intentional???