[MMC66]

Nobody has been able to reach our pbmom for the last 2 days. Her due date is in 3 weeks. The agency has checked with the hospital and her landlord and nobody has seen her. We could really use your prayers - I was starting to let myself think that this could really happen, that we would be bringing our baby home in less than a month - I'm really bummed.

[tomandcate]

I know this must be hard Martha but try not to get too worried yet - two days is not long.

I forget who it was the other day but she posted that their bmom had been out of contact for a week - ended up that bmom just needed some time to herself.

Keep thinking positive...from what you've told us about this pbmom, she did seem really committed to her adoption plan!

Cate

[MMC66]

Thanx Cate,
Its just that she has been in constant contact with her cw - sometimes several times a day. She had a Dr.s appt yesterday and left a message for the cw to call her so she could talk about how it went - now nobody can find her. I just really wanted this one to work out, everything seemed to be going so well. Sorry to whine

[kllee4]

I am so sorry that you are going through this but just as Cate pointed out, I also saw that someone else had said that sometimes they need space. It is coming close to the due date and she would have so many things to think about and deal with that maybe she is just seeking that time. I will pray that everything will work out for you. And, you're entitled to vent! kllee

[79nic]

Two days??????

Somtimes I don't call my best friend back for two weeks, let alone two days... And that's my best friend, not a cw!

You could be right, this could be a red flad, but at two days in, I think it's really too early to tell.

Many pregnant women want some extra personal space as they get close to delivering. I did with both my pregnancies.. even with Elise, who I am parenting.

Honestly, I HATED calling/talking to my cw when I was pregnant. I am sure she thought I'd never go through with it. But I did.

Don't give up hope yet.

Nicole

[wishing4real]

I am so sorry to hear that. Our bmom disappeared on us as well, two weeks before her scheduled c-section. We never heard from her again, but she sent a letter to the agency following the birth to inform them that she had decided to parent. We were heart broken and nearly 2 months later, still think about it.

On a more positive note, our agency, at the time of her disappearance, was not worried about he outcome too much. They stressed that many pbmoms need some time alone toward the end of their pregnancy. They use the time to talk to the child, to think about their decision and to bond as best as they can before making their final decision to let go.

Bmoms are going through a lot and their behavior can be sporadic. They are overwhelmed and I just don't think they always realize how difficult it is for us at the time. I guess they shouldn't have to worry about us, they are likely just doing what they need for themselves. Hang in there. 2 days is not that long. She could pop back up at any time.

At the same time, guard your heart and expect the worst. I have learned to expect the worst, so that if things work out, I can be pleasantly surprised as opposed to devastated.

Good luck . . . I wish the best ending for you and your family!

[tb1braswell]

Martha,

Give it some time. Like the others before have said, she may just need some time to reflect on everything. Try to relax as best you can and pray for her. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers and hoping that everything works out. Please keep us all posted.

Theresa

[Volfe]

I too agree that she might need some alone time, or maybe she's visiting a friend for some home-grown comfort.

Try to stay positive!

Yanno, at the end they should concentrate on themselves. I mean in the sense that, they are so big, it's hard to sleep, various problems arise (that are minor but discomforting). It's really hard to dwell on stuff other than your baby, your body, and what birth is like (that was scary when you didn't know).

so maybe that is what she feels she needs to be doing (she might just be feeling better on a friends couch eating ice cream and watching movies... something harmless and happy)

Well, I'm thinking of ya! I know it's rough.

Maia

[Momof2andcats]

I know it is easier said than done, but this is nothing to worry about. I know because you are in the matching stage still that everything can throw you for a loop-but from someone who has been there twice-2 days is nothing to worry about.

One of my childrens bparents dropped us the day we matched and it was a long month before we finally got the call that our child was here. Here it turned out that she was struggling and needed to get away from everyone and everything.

I think this is perfectly normal and keep us updated as to what happens!! Best wishes-Sarah(mom of 2)

[kashicaat]

I hope all turns out well for you and that she just needed time to herself. I've heard of many situations where that happens, because bmoms have such a monumental decision to make...and she may have just gotten preoccupied with other things. We had a situation that just didn't work out for us...

We had spoken to a pbmom and the phone conversation was AWESOME! She and I talked for over two hours, and the connection just felt "right", but she disappeared after that. The agency could not get a hold of her and at first they said it's no big deal, she just needs her space (she was due in two weeks), but they got to the point of saying it's time to move on. What's hard is that she's due tomorrow by c-section, and for something that felt so right it's sure going to be on my mind all day tomorrow. I've prayed for her and her decision, whatever it may be, and I hope she is well and at peace with whatever she decided to do. I do truly wish her the best.

Good Luck!!!

[Brat]

First of all, I feel for you. Your story recalls the several instances that we didn't hear from my daughter's birthmom for days and days. It always turned out that she was busy taking care of other areas of her life, getting her Medicaid settled, going to visit relatives, etc. When we'd talk again, I'd realize, "Oh, she has a life." But in the interim, it was t-o-r-t-u-r-e.

No one can tell you what all birthmoms typically do, as all pregnant women deal with impending childbirth in their own ways. But if it helps, our daughter's birthmom "disappeared" quite a few times, and it all turned out OK in the end.

I think it's a good idea to be cautious, and just let life unfold as it may. In the end, I eventually had to let go and let God. If I hadn't, I most assuredly would have lost my mind. A time or two, I'm sure my husband would say I *did* lose a couple screws.

Hang in there!

[MMC66]

OK, talked to pbmom late last night. She is fine, everything's fine. She said she just needed to sleep yesterday but the !@#$ phone kept ringing. Boy did I feel bad. In my defense though, it wasn't just me, she had her cw worried too. I'll try not to be so paranoid next time but this is really rough. Only three weeks to go.

[tomandcate]

That's okay, I would have been paranoid too! I am SO glad you talked to her last night, and that she is okay and just needed some alone time.

Hang in there! Come on, three weeks!

Cate

[Momof2andcats]

MMC66-we completely understand! I can completely relate to how stressed out you must be! I am very happy to hear that things are just fine-thanks for updating us! Best wishes-Sarah(mom of 2)

[kashicaat]

YEAAAA! I am so glad all is well!