[Mark Donald]

I know I can't be the only potential adoptive parent who has been charged with a DWI. My problem is that mine is recent. I have been told by my attorney to expect the charge to be reduced to some moving violation, such as driving with a faulty exhaust/muffler.

So how exactly do I proceed with the home study? If the charge is so recent that it hasn't been settled yet, will the arrest turn up on the I-600A check and fingerprint? I have told the home study coordinator, and was told that they can not advise me on what to do.

Anyone else been through this before, and how did it affect the adoption?

Thanks,

Mark

[MichLyn143]

Mark, I don't know what state you are in, but here in Florida we had nothing to worry about. My husband was charged with a felony battery on a leo not long before we began our adoption process. (Long story short....we had witnesses, the officer lied, charges dropped, we're suing them!) Needless to say, I was a nervous WRECK awaiting our background checks. We were very honest with our social worker, and they weren't concerned in the least. There was an almost five month time frame between his arrest and the background check, but it never did show up. Regardless, we did include it in our homestudy, along with an explanation of the charges, the circumstances, and a "how it has affected our family" essay. When the Nolle Prosse was issued, they didn't even want the paperwork. I know it would have been different for drug or abuse charges, obviously. But as long as you are honest, you should be just fine.

Michelle

[dann]

Hey, Always soul search and make sure you don't have a problem. As if you do ...........it will show on the bloodwork. In other words you can't hide. My husband was a wild duck and we knew his "trials" were over but it was not fun explaining them and you will have to. As for showing up on your records.........everything shows up ...even things you think were no big deals. But don't give up! As for our (a)son is now growing up with an awesome Dad who has "been there done that" and he gets away with nothing. The social workers think my husband is an awesome parent because of his background.

[tomandcate]

Hi Mark,

My husband was arrested (never convicted) for DWI 11-12 years ago. So the question was...hmmm...will this show up since he was never convicted...should we mention it?

Then, it dawned on us very quickly...if we are not willing to be completely honest, and yet we are extolling our own virtues as an "honest, trustworthy couple" to the agency and potential birthparents, what is the point of all this? We knew that we were not willing to lie about it, or try to hide it, because we would be contradicting everything we believe in and what we will teach our child.

In the end our question was answered for us anyway, because our state applications specifically ask, "Have you ever been arrested for a DWI? If so, were you convicted?"

I know it's hard and scary to think that a stupid mistake could jeopardize your goal of parenthood, but what's done is done and Mama was right - honesty is the best policy. What's important is that you learn from this, explore whether your drinking is really a problem, have a backup plan in place should you find yourself in the same situation (i.e. needing a ride somewhere), and be able to communicate all of this to your SW. You might even consider taking a class (MADD offers a four-tiered driver awareness course in our area, for instance) to show that you are committed to learning from this.

Hope this helps,
Cate

[Leigh131313]

I really just want to tell you it will be ok..

I remember worrying about things too....for me it was that my mother has a mental illness....I told my social worker about it, and that she is doing well with medication... I was worried that a birthmother would not pick us because of it, mental illness is a pretty big unknown to most people, and rather scary. It is quite possible that we did not get picked by some birthmoms because of this...it is also possible that we didnt get picked by some because we have two dogs....or because our house isnt a mansion...or because i'm not the queen of england (you get my point, lol)
The reality is not every birthmother is looking for the same things. We have been matched three times ( the last time stuck!) and each birthmother picked us for entirely different reasons...for one it was because of a picture i put in our photos of my husband holding coconuts up to his chest, go figure!
Be honest, and BE YOURSELF!!! Your perfectly flawed self!! The right birthmom will pick your family for all of your good points and your flaws. I'm sure there is much more to you than this one little error in judgement.
I hope this gave you SOME peace of mind,
Leigh

[jillned]

Hello..............my husband was arrested for a DUI in 97 but not convicted. Our application specifically stated "have you ever been arrested and we answered "no". Well as it turns out, we were almost "accused" of being dishonest but it all turned ok in the background check His just took a little longer than mine did. I did suggest to the SW that the state take a look at the wording on the applications so that there is no confusion...........Anyway, hope this helps.

[tomandcate]

I agree Jill it can be confusing...especially when all the other questions are "have you ever been convicted" and the DWI question is the only one (at least for us) that mentioned "arrested."

I know there are specific things they look for, and one of them is situations that might endanger a child - obviously drinking and driving would be one of those, and they have to consider whether it could be a problem in the future.

That's why I suggest, since this is a recent thing, he might want to pursue some type of follow up training/counseling to show that he realizes this is serious and needs to be dealt with. On the other hand, some might say "don't call attention to something if it's not a problem" and I guess in the end one has to go with one's gut!

Cate

[terry2ferg]

I had a DUI on my record from 14 years ago (learned a valuble lesson at a young age!) and it just kept my background check from going as quickly as my husbands.

Being so recently, it might hold up things longer.....but eventually you should clear.

I'm not sure what the 1-600A check is - is that for international adoption? I know some countries won't allow adoption if you have ANYTHING on your record, but some are more accepting.

GOOD LUCK!

[Mark Donald]

Thanks to all who have responded. First of all, it's good to know that others have been in a situation where everything isn't exactly perfect. My wife and I are looking at international adoption, so the idea is that the background check will be based on the country that we are working with: Russia. I understand they are tough, but nowhere near as tough as the good ol' US of A.

I deduce that I need to state the arrest, and the formal treatment/classes that I will go through as a result. Hopefully, this will show that I am serious about the incident and in no way is it a definition of who I am. I have been pulled over by the police one time, and it just happened to be the time when it hurts the most. I live in Missouri, so I refused to take any chemical test for fear that a score over the legal limit would prevent the adoption from happening.

Needless to say, for all of those who are in the process of adopting, or getting ready to begin, do not do what I did!!! It definitely is not worth the hassle/fear/risk. And especially, it MOST definitely is not worth the undue stress I have caused my wife. She is an angel, but I fear what happens if we are denied.

In summary, thanks again to all.

Best of luck with your plans, and hopefully all works out for your families!

Mark