[Colorbind love]

I absolutely understand your sentiment that you would regret NOT taking this leap than taking it. We took some flack for adopting an older boy when we did (with younger children in the home). But, like you we knew that we would regret not opening our hearts and homes.

I really don't think anyone is trying to scare you off of adoption. We don't consider ourselves an exclusive club that others can't be in. But, reading is about arming yourself for success. I congratulate you on doing exactly that at this point.

[lisa in venice]

Dad79,
since reading may not be "your thing" I would suggest you join your local chapter of FRUA. Theya re a wonderful group of folks who have adopted from Eastern Europe. I know they were lifesavers for two families that I know who adopted older children (3, 5 and 6 year olds ) from Russia. They have a website where you can find out about local events http://www.frua.org/

lisa

[dadfor2]

dad79

you probably dont want to hear from me....sorry if i jumped....spaypets mentioned how we can see ourselves in your shoes, and i most definitly did....

my hope on my posts was to just to say your thinking of this the wrong way....as we did.

i think its great that you are starting to look at what adoptive kids can bring to a family. ITs wonderful, but at the same time very challenging.

I understand the way you think, i think we all did, but at the same time, its important to know what might come down the pike with some of our kids.

it will NOT be smooth sailing, i actually never heard anyone say they adopted an older child and there were no issues......so plan on the bumps.....and handling the bumps is different then if you were dealing with the bumps from a birth child

traditional parenting doesnt work with alot of these kids, I had learned that the hard way.....and i think we just wanted to make sure you understood that and did some research so you will know kinda what to do when the storms hit...

BUt keep reading and searching....it will help you understand a little better.

plus, justs remember, all the reasearch still wont prepare you, but when you hit those bumps you can say..."i know what that is....lets figure out how to deal with it..."

but to be off guard, it is sometimes frightening, even if you have the info and know what its about, it is still frightening..

an adoptive child will add so much to your life...more then you can possible know....

homestudies are horrendous...we all done them and they are frustrating and you can get lost in the process...

but the outcome is so wonderful...just hold onto that while your going through the process.....

god bless
dadfor2

[Dad79]

Thanks for the encouragement. You know it is tough and it is scary, we just want to do it bad enough that I hope we don't back down, I just don't want to quit on it, or miss out on it out of fear or a mistake or two here and there.

Me personally, this is my goal in life right now. If you ask me what I want to do with the next half of my life, my answer is, "Raise a kid." PERIOD. I'm a mid-level manager right now, pretty comfortable, etc. But I know I won't get any great satisfaction out of aggressively climbing the corporate ladder, in fact, if the choice came down to raising that kid and sacrificing the career, my priorities are set, I'd rather do the kid, I say that without flinching.

[mj77]

Dad79, I think that is the attitude that will make you a great dad! You have to be driven with adoption to get things done. Do check the Toddler Adoption book I told you about in a previous post. It was so, so helpful to me.

[LHecht]

You don't sound like a "back down" kind of guy Best of luck to you! Hope you will let everyone on the board know how things are progressing with your adoption.