[MMC66]

Our pbmom is due Oct 21 and has virtually no support other than the adoption counselors she has seen. She has already called a private ambulance company to see if they will take her to the hospital when she goes into labor - this is her first baby so she doesn't even know what to expect. When I talk to her on the phone she seems pretty ill informed about the pregnancy in general although has gotten regular prenatal care. She is 30 minutes from the hospital. I am several states away and she has told me that she would like for me to be in the delivery room.

I am thinking that she is a good candidate to be induced but I'm not sure how to go about bringing up the subject and with whom. I'm a nurse and know that some OBs can be pretty oblivious unless you hit them over the head with the big picture. Any thoughtws would be appreciated. I want her to have the safest possible delivery but I worry about her emotional health as well and her anxiety in the meantime.

Thanks in Advance,
Martha

[Jennifer]

Oh gosh how awful that she has no support, I can't imagine what she must be going through.... and you for being so far away.

Is there a way you can get some extra time off to be there so when she does goes into labor you are with her ..... any friends of hers ...... what state does she live in?? If she is close to PA I would be more than happy to offer her some support until you got there and make sure she is ok.

You can email me if you want to Poogiebr@ptd.net My offer is purely from the goodness in my heart so don't worry and please do not think I will try to cut in .... I don't do things like that.

Jen

[MMC66]

Thanks Jennifer - not in PA though. I think I am going to talk with her counselor this week about my concerns. She puts on a good act but regardless she is pretty much alone in this. I have four other children and DH has a busy job with little flexibility these days - I will need to be away for at leas a week regardless for the baby's discharge and a custody court thing. and that is the "best case scenario". I'll keep you posted.

Martha

[heikkila]

Doctors around here aren't too excited about inducing labor. Most of my friends who have had babies recently have asked about it toward the end of their pregnancies and been told "no".

I guess the chances of complications (long labor ending in c-section) are reduced if the mom goes into labor naturally.

I am not a medical person, so I have no idea if that is true, just what I've heard from pregnant friends.

Good luck.

PS From my own experience...my son's birthmom wasn't induced until she was 18 days overdue.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I was induced both times and they were both after two weeks late... The doctor wouldnt even induce at one week late! Although we did make the appointment to induce at two weeks...and said if I dont see you before then, then Ill see you at the hospital next week!

[Support2Adopt]

An important thing to remember is that just because someone is induced, it doesn't mean that that it will work.
We were faced with a situation like that. The young lady was induced, but nothing happened, except that she had alot of pain for about a week until she delivered.
JJ

[bromanchik]

I am a firm believer in letting nature take it's course. Inducing makes labor more painful and can cause other complications. It should not be done out of convienience.

I think the real question is why are you this mom's only source of support? The best thing that you can do for her is set up a support system. In no way should you be her only form of support. I think a doula would be a great idea in this situation. She would be there for the mom and the mom alone.

I know you said she wants no contact, but knowing that she is all alone, I think this is going to change. You need to ask yourself how you think she will feel once you are parentiung and no longer have time to support her the way you are doing through her pregnancy. This is a situation ripe for pain and misunderstanding.

Where in PA is she at? There are many doula's that volunteer.

[MMC66]

She is not in PA. Her situation is unique and I am not comfortable about giving a lot of identifying information about someone else on the web. I haven't been a huge source of support either - she is quite introverted and is a loner.

I know labor progresses much more smoothly when it comes on naturally and wouldn't it be nice if we could orchestrate the birth of every child to be perfect but that is not possible. "social induction" is done all the time in the military or when transportation is a problem or if a mom is compromised cognitively or psychologically. I was mostly looking for anyone who has any experience in a similar situation such as mine and how it played out. This mom's support situation is not going to change.

Thanks,
Martha

[MMC66]

Talked to cw today - sounds like everyone is in agreement (counselors/OB) that she should be induced close to due date(still 4 weeks away). She has an ultrasound tomorrow to check baby's size, fluid etc) I think its best for this situation.

Thanx for feedback,
Martha

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I hope all works out. If she needs support, please let her know that there are communities here on the web and she doesnt have to meet face to face. You can give her my information if she needs it and I know a lot of links to groups.

I hope that things get better for her....this is a very hard thing to go through alone.

[MMC66]

She does not have a computer or a car. She calls her cw all the time and has started calling the doctor frequently. I am going to visit in a couple of weeks so hopefully the "system" will be support enough for now.

Thanks,
Martha

[abbiejane]

Our son's birthmother was in another state, and had always planned to be induced so that we could be there. (She had nightmares that she might go into labor and have the baby before we all got there, and she was adamant that as his parents, we participate in the birth.) It was the plan from day one, and the doctor told her that there were just a few restrictions. 1) He would not schedule it any earlier than a week before the due date and 2) he reserved the right to cancel the scheduled inducement two days prior, if the progression wasn't to his liking. It all went as planned and the day that she was induced they broke her water and started her on the petocin. (She couldn't have gone a week after that--once the water is broken, the baby has to be born within 24 hours.) She was in labor for 12 hours, before delivering our beautiful baby boy.

It is different for everyone and both she and I knew that it could be harder on her and the baby. We discussed it as a social option, and she discussed it with her doctor and he felt that it our situation and her good health allowed her to be really good candidate for the inducement. (In the end it was really her choice, and had she opted to have labor come naturally we would have supported her.)

Perhaps you can discuss it with her CW, and have them discuss the option--pros and cons of both--and see what she feel.

Good luck!! What a nerve-wracking and wonderful time for you!!

[MichLyn143]

Our bmom was induced for "social" reasons as well. She is only 17, and this was her second pregnancy. She is parenting her first. Because she is rather small, being so large at nine months and caring for an active one year old was getting very difficult, and was also taking a toll on her emotionally. She also admitted to smoking more than a pack a day of cigarettes and....."other stuff", while she was already at risk for premature labor (her first was early). She hated going to her appointments and finally broke down to her OB that she just wanted it all done and over with so she could breathe again. He scheduled her to be induced less than a week later, 2 weeks before her actual due date. She was insistant that we were in the room the entire time, including our bio daughter, who watched movies with our bmom's sister through the whole thing, LOL. She was only in labor for three hours before we were blessed with our little girl.

While I am a believe in letting nature take its course, I also believe that doing what is right for the mom and baby has to come first. If that means inducing, then so be it!

Best of luck to you all!

Michelle

[MMC66]

I really appreciate the last couple of posts, I guess I needed to hear that we weren't in a completely unique situation. When I talked to our cw yesterday, I was all ready to bring up the subject and she did it for me and said that right now everyone involved thought it was the best option. I'll talk directly to pbmom tonight about it (we haven't talked in a few days and make sure she feels comfortable with this plan - I think it will alleviate a whole lot of anxiety for her and help these last few weeks go a little smoother.

THanks Again!!!

Martha

[Volfe]

I'm kinda late getting to this thread but I wanted to say that often inducing labor can happen if the dr. thinks the baby is ready for it.

I was induced 3 out of 4 births.
I was induced 2 weeks late and it was awful! Then I had a natural labor a week before the due date and it was quick! after that I had two more inducements (induction?) one on the due date, and this last one 10 days before the due date (it would have been 2 weeks before but my bf had work stuff out of town for 3 days). Gracie was soooo big, and my health was getting bad. (I'll add that the last births were quick cuz I'm a pro now).
They just want to make sure no one will be in jeapordy from either an overlong pregnancy (which can result in stress) or a too short one (other complications).

Please do tell her that birth moms are out here to talk with and we've been through it before. she is really gonna need some support soon, after the baby comes, and you will be too busy with the baby and family and she will still need you for support. You might try to find a transitional someone for her Now.

Also be aware that knowing what day her baby is coming ends the waiting stress but pbmoms now have to "look forward" to the good-bye days. That is a slight anxiety as well.

Good luck! Let us know how it all goes.

Maia