[Moonbeam59]

I am having a hard time making a choice. My granddaughter has been in foster care for 10 months. She was taken from her mom my daughter because of drugs. I now have her in my home since Friday. The social worker and lawyers want me to adopt. I don't feel comfortable taking that right from my daughter. She is only 20 and could change her life down the road. I would like to do guardianship but the baby's lawyer said he would contest it. He wants full adoption only. They want no contact with my daughter and granddaughter and that leaves me in a bad situation also. I am soooo Confused on what to do. Anyone have any suggestions? Thank you!

[wroughtnharv]

Wow. That's a tough one.

Maybe looking at it from a tough perspective might be the thing to do.

First, the biggest roadblock to adoption after the birth mother is the birth mother's mother. That's according to our counselor that worked with us on adopting out our granddaughter.

So your love and concern is not unusual for your situation. You are just a human being facing some tough decisions.

Your granddaughter deserves the most opportunity for a happy life that you can give her. And that doesn't necessarily mean that you're the one to be her new mom.

It's not about love. It's about opportunity, a child's opportunity. There's nothing, absolutely nothing, easier for us to do than love a baby. Your decision is not about your daughter. She made that one for you. Yours is about the future of her daughter.

If you can give her the best life possible then your decision is a much harder one. You have to decide if you're up to doing just that.

If in your heart of hearts you have doubts then there isn't a decision. You have to give up the baby to someone who's capable and willing.

What you want isn't important. You've had a lifetime to have what you want. What you want for your daughter isn't important. You've had her lifetime for that. It's now about the life of your granddaughter. And that's all it's about.

It's not a natural decision. And face it. Most of the folks begging for the opportunity to be a parent to your granddaughter couldn't make that decision if they were in your shoes.

Doing the right thing isn't always the easy thing to do. But that doesn't make it not the right thing just because it's difficult.