[bscott9955]

This is a convoluted mess but, we need help. My step-daughter gave birth to a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome. During the pregnancy, the father tried to "sell' the baby and we weren't even told of the pregnancy 'til 2 weeks before birth. At the time of birth, the mother signed the baby over to CYS. My husband and I filed an emergency petition for custody and it was granted. We were then given legal custody at a subsequent hearing. The father has never seen this child and, for the first 6 months, neither did the mother With both of them consenting, we paid to file for termination of rights with intent to adopt. Everything was fine til we were setting in the courtroom and the mother said "I changed my mind" The judge appointed attorney's for both of them and re-scheduled the hearing. The father contacted us asking "how much the kid was worth to us" We reported that to our atorney but it was inadmissable as our word against his. O.K. we were still left with legal custody and the maother was granted 4 hours/month supervised visits in our home.She has shown up drunk, high etc. and won't interact with the chld. Fast forward 51/2 years. The mother still pays occasional visits to our home. She still doesn't interact with the child but won't agree to termination. The father left the state 3 yrs. ago. My lawyer says we can't file for involuntary b/c she visits. Any ideas on where we can go from here? I'm getting a little nuts about now.

[wroughtnharv]

That's a rough row to hoe.


The big thing is the health and welfare of the child, period. You concentrate on that. Reassure the child that she isn't responsible for her mother's actions and that she won't grow up to be like her.

I once put my arms around a thirteen year old young lady and told her, "it skips generations. If you want to know what you're going to be like when you grow up. Don't look at your mama. Look at your grandma."

I believe that.

And when your granddaughter (there's no such word as a step grand anything) is able to understand that. I'd point out to her that she's got much more of a chance of becoming like her grandpa than her birthmother.

I'm sure somewhere in your home there's saying about changing what you can, accepting what you can't, and having the wisdom to know the difference.

You have no control over the mother of the child. So you have to accept that. You have no control over the legal system, accept that.

But you can be a great role model for your granddaughter. By your example she can learn what a real woman--mother is and develop the kind of respect for that image that'll make you proud.

Count your blessings. The birth mother could be a lot more disruptive. If you don't think so, cruise these forums.