[iwannabamommy]

Lifetime Adoptions or Parent Profiles?? I have been researching them both over the past few weeks and before I bring the information to my husband, I would like to know if anyone here has had experience with either of them.

We would like to adopt agin, but due to the rising costs and the debt that we incurred during our first failed adoption and the successful adoption of our son, we are not sure what to do.

I have been a SAHM since our son was born in 12/2001 and my husband just started a new job in May after being laid off for 5 months. We have considered selling our house and downsizing, however how do we do that and reopen our homestudy and start the adoption process again??

We can afford the cost of raising a child, it is the agency fees, homestudy fees, birth mother expenses and all of those hidden/unexpected fees that are just killing us. Does anyone else have this problem??

I would love any advice.

[Linny]

I have not had experience with either of these agencies...but I can tell you that there are several agencies that will NOT have you pay tremendous amounts of money up front.....with the risk of that money being gone....or 'tied up with that agency'...should the birthparent choose to parent!!!!!

This business of having to pay thousands of dollars before the baby is born is ridiculous. I do not have a big list...but I do have some agencies we have worked with (especially if you are looking for an AA or biracial baby)....that are more than 'fair' about their 'money policy'. Please feel free to pm me if I can be of any help.

Sincerely,

Linny

[heikkila]

We lost a large amount of money trying to adopt independently through facilitator services and attorneys. They offer no protection for your money (or emotions) if your adoption fails. Our successful adoptions both came through private, licenced agencies.

I would look around for an agency that uses a flat fee format - one cost for everything, including birthparent expenses and legals, and no extra fees for a failed match. Many agencies spread the costs out so that you don't pay everything upfront and often you don't pay the largest portion until you have a successful placement.

You are already doing the right thing by looking around and asking questions. Don't settle for an adoption worker or agency that doesn't offer you the services and protections you need. There are good agencies out there, but there are bad ones, too.

Good luck!

Rebecca

[iwannabamommy]

The experiences with our failed adoption and successful adoption of our son hav made us very cautious and leery of choosing anyone again.

Education is key and Knowledge is power. We need as much info as possible before we take this emotional journey again.

Pam

[amom4life]

Originally posted by heikkila
We lost a large amount of money trying to adopt independently through facilitator services and attorneys. They offer no protection for your money (or emotions) if your adoption fails. Our successful adoptions both came through private, licenced agencies.
Rebecca

The above may be a true statement about SOME facilitators, but not all of them.

We worked with a facilitator and had a failed adoption. they did not charge us any extra fees. Our money that we paid them was protected we didn't lose a cent except for some money to help out the expectant mother, but that was our choice. We were never pressured into that. We went on with them and brought our beautiful son home 1 month later.

PM me if you'd like more info about Lifetime.
Judy

[Sarah0518]

We went thru a private adoption agency, so there would be much lower costs and then advertized on parent profiles.com as part of our "networking".

Parent profiles was successful for us. We had been advertising on it not quite 1-1/2 years when "K" found us. Ds was born 2-1/2 weeks later.

Although we had an 800# listed, all of our initial contact were by e-mail. Some months we would hear nothing, at others we'd receive several "feelers" from the parent profiles site. Most were pbparents very new into the process of looking, trying to learn more and exlore their options. We'd answer with information on adoption and about ourselves, but it was rare for us to hear anything else again from them. Perhaps they chose other families, perhaps they did not choose adoption?

We did make 2 contact this spring that were very positive though. Obviously, ds's bmom was one of them. "K" and her mom are absolutely great. We couldn't have asked for a better match. They really are FAMILY to us, and we are going to have a very open relationship with them.

A few weeks before we matched with "K" we were contacted by another couple. They also are very special people. We ended up matching with "K" and they are soon to be matched with another couple closer in proximity to them, but we still keep in contact because the relationship we had started forming with them meant so much to all of us.

One thing I did notice was most of the people who contacted us thru parent profiles was most were looking for fairly open relationships. Just speculation, but probably one of reasons they were looking on the internet was because finding the level of openness they desired was so difficult.

[kinnj]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents. I was involved in a private domestic adoption that fell through, but we chose to work with an agency because they were able to terminate parental rights within 72 hours of the baby's birth whereas a lawyer is longer. Not sure how long, but much longer than 72 hours.
Even though it didn't work out, I would choose an agency over an attorney for that reason alone,
KINNJ

[Sarah0518]

Whether it takes longer by agency or lawyer is up to state regs. In some states it is the same time period, in others the time period differs. Something definately to look at and think about though.

[iwannabamommy]

THANK YOU all and keep the advice coming. I am trying to compile enough info before I take it to DH.

Question about Parent Profiles which plan did you use for the time you were on and did you state in your profile you wanted an open adoption?? Also were you able to email or speak with others in the program before signing up??

We have a beautiful intelligent little boy and I do not want any hurt or disappointment to come into his life during this process. I am approaching it carefully and I am looking out for the welfare of not only him but for ourselves too, because we have experienced the pain of failed adoption before. We would really love to adopt a little girl or multiples this time around.

Thanks again,

Pam

[Support2Adopt]

[i]We would really love to adopt a little girl or multiples this time around.

Thanks again,

Pam [/b]

When you say little girl, (versus baby girl,) does this mean you are open to a child in the foster care system?
JJ

[Maria K]

Just wanted to revive this thread and see if anyone else has any thoughts about using ParentProfile.com
- Maria

[sandymomof2]

We had our profile up on ParentProfiles for a year and then
gave up that method of trying to find a match. We had
several pbmoms call our 800#, but nothing beyond
a 1st call. Most callers seemed like scammers looking
for money (our lawyer nixed one of those), another
was a woman wanting to place but her husband didn't
want to, and another was someone who was trying
to decide what to do (I think she probably ended up
parenting.) The only emails we got as a result were
from pbmoms in other countries and since the emails
weren't very personal (mentioning anything about our
profile our why they may be choosing us) I got the impression
that it was a "mass email" hoping for a response from
someone. We signed up for the $99/month plan (don't
know if the same rates are in effect now) - with our
picture on the intro paragraph before you would click
onto read the whole profile.

I found newspaper advertising to be a lot more effective.
Facilitators aren't legal where we live so that wasn't even
an option for us.