[wishing4real]

Today we learned that, what was supposed to have been our baby girl, was born yesterday.

The bmom had disconnected her phone and not returned agency calls for the last week. We were hopeful, but learned through the agency, who spoke to a nurse (not the bmom, yet, or probably ever) that she plans to keep the baby girl.

Apparently the bmom's abusive and neglectful boyfriend returned, after not being around during the entire pregnancy, and after requesting an abortion for a pregnancy a year ago. I am unaware of the promises he made to her, but even after sharing with us what a jerk he was and promising she would never take him back due to his past behavior toward her and her two children, she is believing what he is telling her and is deciding to parent with him.

I do not blame her for that decision; after all she is the mother of this baby. I do however, blame her for the immature and selfish way she chose to handle this. She obviously had no plans of informing the agency or us. So while we were sitting here planning and hoping, and spending, and crying and going through hell, she allowed the world to crumble around us without saying a word.

My heart breaks for her because in just a few short days of his return she has made this decision. Her children are in counseling due to the abuse and problems, she does not work, he has left several times before, etc.

My heart also breaks for the baby girl who was born yesterday, because if history repeats itself, she too will be without a father and in the same position as her older brother and sister.

I am prayerful that it works out well for them, because I still love this little girl as if she were my own. I just know from everything that we have learned that her opportunity for the future will be much less as a result of the outcome.

Thanks for all your support. I guess we have no choice but to jump back in the waiting pool. Uggh . . . the wait, no matter what stage of waiting one is in, it is grueling. I am not sure we will be able to go through this again.

[LoveRiddenDad]

This was not your child, who is out there, even if little more than a concept in a few heads. I know how horrible a failed adoption can be and I'm sorry. Pray this child doesn't make the same mistakes as the mother. Take this as a sign you can survive ANYTHING. I'm always willing to listen and I hope you realize this situation is temporary.

[dkbw]

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

We experienced a similar situation last year, when the birhtmother stopped contact with the agency. It was her mother that finally told them she changed her mind.

It's very difficult to ride the emotional roller coaster, I feel for you.

I will say a prayer for you that God blesses you soon with the child that is meant to be yours.

[georgiagirl]

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Perhaps the new mom may make a new adoption plan if things do not work out with her current arrangement. This has happened from time to time.

Anyway, take some time to grieve and consider what path you want your adoption journey to take. I hope that you are not loosing lots of money.

[DBM68]

oh my - I am so very sorry, how heartbreaking for you -

you'll be in my thoughts -

hope happier days are ahead -

[Liepolds]

I have been looking for your post, and was praying it would not end this way.

I am so sorry. I will say a prayer for you and Dh and this whole situation tonite.

God Bless, and try to keep your chin up.

Kim

[DebCsMom]

I'm so sorry to hear of your lose. But I'm glad to hear you are already moving forward. You're stronger than I was. GOOD FOR YOU!!

Let your heart grieve some. Your baby really is waiting for just the right time. It's hard all the bumps in the road we go through, but in the end you'll understand why.

I know the things that people will tell you will probably upset you, because they did me when we had a failed adoption. But they only mean well & don't really know what to say.

You are in our thoughts & prayers as well as that sweet precious baby girl & her Mother.

Deb

[amom4life]

Hi,
I'm sorry for the pain I know you're going through!

When our first match failed after the baby was born we didn't wait either we jumped right back in and it helped us a lot in our healing process I believe.

I hope you find your child soon or that this situation may still work out!
HUGS,
Judy

[sadiegirl]

Ohhhhh, I am SO sorry. I was hoping it wouldn't end this way and that she just needed time...

You ARE a strong person and you will get through this. Take whatever time you need to grieve b/c in spite of what a previous poster said, she was, in a sense, YOUR baby. To me, this is no different than having a miscarriage and people saying, "Oh you weren't very far along, so it's not so bad." This IS a loss and you will need time to get over it.

We are all here for you and give you all the support you need! I cried for you reading your post, and I will say prayers that you and DH find comfort soon and will also pray for this little girl whose life might be "over" even though it's just begun...

So sorry, our thoughts are with you...
Tina

[cathy102]

I am so sorry what happened.... But I have to tell you something? My friend was matched with an expectant mom that decided to parent, then 1 week later the mom decided she couldn't parent this child (her second). God has ways of working things out. If this child is not meant to be with you, another one will come your way. You were matched fast, so there must be something nice that she seen in your family..

I am sure it's hard the way things turned out but we must realize that she is the one with all the pressure. Could you imagine what she went through with this guy and all the abuse???.. I hope that she will look into her new childs eyes and make the right decision for her and her children. I pray that if she decides to keep this child that this guy will stop being abusive.. I just feel for her and the kids..

You will be in my prayers.. I pray you will get a match soon. Don't give up on your dreams to be a mom.. IT WILL HAPPEN!!

Cathy

[Happy2Bhere]

I guess I sent a private message to you instead of a reply in this forum.

[mallow]

Cailtlyn-It sounds so trite to say this but it just seems almost everyone trying to adopt goes through something like this. The one adoptive placement I was going to get (newborn baby boy I was going to name Connor Matthew) fell through. One Friday the cw called and said "She's in labor. Don't go crazy but get what you'll need." Later the week, after making endless calls, I found out he'd been born and she was going to keep him. What you're going through sucks and only having your child in your arms in the end will make it worth it. Sorry again about the situation. Good luck, God bless, and hang in there.

[Happy2Bhere]

I agree with the above post.
Sad to say, but seems like alot of people have to "try" more than once to have a successful adoption.
I've been through this, as well, and it kills you, and no words are of comfort.
For me, the situation was- we flew from Iowa to California, held, fed, changed a beautiful, perfect baby girl, fell in love with her before we even met her- then the mom started doing drugs in the hospital, before she signed papers, so the state removed the baby. She couldn't sign papers- wouldn't have been legal anyway, as loopy as she was. We were DEVESTATED! I came home, sold EVERYTHING- said its better NOT to try, and go through life, rather than the disappointments & heartaches.
I'm glad I had my mourning period, but then got back on track again.
The next adoption hopeful, we were matched through a friend of a friend, the birthmom was only like 9 weeks along- bonded, became friends, talked two hours every day, then she changed her mind 3 days before the baby was born. To make a long story short- she did call me after 7 1/2 weeks, had no support from her boyfriend, or family members, and just couldn't make it work. We of course were thrilled!
For me, even though I would have LOVED to be the first baby's mom, and been a mom two years early, there is absolutely NO doubt in my mind that my daughter was meant to be here. She has family resemblance, the bonding was instantaneous, she has the same disposition as the entire family- I know that she was meant to be ours.
I'm sure this is no comfort for you right now, but hopefully you'll know you're not alone, and you have many people here that care about you, and want to help.
I guess to me, the first time out- it was like a "miscarriage". If you're trying for your own biological child, and have a miscarriage, or if something happens before during or after the pregnancy- you'd move on then, too, wouldn't you?
Feel free to PM me if you want to or need to talk.
Take care-
Melissa