[wishing4real]

I had been waiting to hear form our agency as our daughter is to be born next week. They finally called, just as I was getting ready to call them, and told me that they hadn't called earlier because they didin't have any news.

They had been in contact with the bmom over a week ago, but she has not returned calls and her phone is now disconnected. We are less than a week away from the birth!!!!!

The baby, last I heard, was to be born by C-section the first part of next week. She was supposed to call the agency after her Dr.'s appointment to let them know when it was scheduled for.

I am trying to be optimistic, but am fearing the worst! Could this adoption still be a possibility? The case worker says this is not unusual and that many times things still work out in the end. She mentioned that on more than one occasion they will receive a call the morning of, letting them know. Fortunately, if that happens we are local.

I am scared to death. I haven't been able to eat or sleep, probably because I haven't been able to stop crying long enough. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? I know that the bmom is having a hard time right now and I respect her decision, regardless of what it is, but the not knowing and lack of contact is literally killing me inside. I feel like my child is missing or that something terrible has happened to her. I know she was not yet mine. And while I tried to remind myself of that regularly, my heart hasn't done a very good job of listening. Hubby and I just love her so much and were so hopeful.

[spaypets]

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't have any experience in this. I imagine that the uncertainity is killing you. I adopted internationally, and there was a time during the process that I though it was all falling apart -- it was awful.

Please, keep telling yourself that if this match doesn't pan out this wasn't _your_ daughter. Your daughter (or son) is still waiting for you somewhere else.

[cathy102]

First, I want to say I am sorry that you haven't heard anything from the expectant mom yet.. I am sure the expectant mom is going through so much that we will never understand. There is still a good chance that she will give birth and then call the Agency. Maybe she needs her time alone with the baby?? I know I don't have the right answers here. I am sure you are freaking out on how all of this will end.. I will be praying for you and the expectant mom.. I hope all goes well..

Please let us know how things go..

Cathy

[DebCsMom]

In our 3 adoptions, this happened TWICE. Both times they just needed time. In the end it's a way of emotionally letting go. If they don't have to think about it or talk to anyone about it, then it's easier. You have to remember everyone is probably on her about, "Haven't you had that baby yet" & "Are you sure you want to do this?" So she is probably trying to avoid anything so she can try to say her goodbye's. Your agency is right, this isn't anything unusual.

I'm not saying that she has or hasn't changed her mind. She just needs this time to herself. Both of our children's Bmoms thought we were out of our mind when we discussed this later. They both said the same thing, they just needed some alone time.

Keep POSITIVE!

Deb

[sadiegirl]

So sorry that you are going through this; if it helps, just know that we are all here for you and will be praying for you all.

Let us know what happens!
Tina

[wishing4real]

sadiegirl and everyone . . . thank you for that knowing that there is place to turn to has been a life saver. I gain so much strength from the wonderful support here. It is so wonderful knowing there is a place to turn when no one around me understands, they want to they just haven't yet walked amile in my shoes like the people here have. Not that I would wish it on anyone since it is a hard road, but it it nice having so many wonderful people to turn to.

I am hopeful, still, that she it just taking the times she needs. I know it must be the hardest thing she has faced. The only realy worry in all of this is the diconnected phone. The agency has paid the bill so I am not sure why? It just ameks crazy things go through your head and you wait in hopes of the best, while planning for the worst.

[34andhopeful]

The EXACT same thing happened to us! My stomach hurt, I lost weight (put it back on, LOL) I could not concentrate at work...I stayed by the phone...

We got a phone call the day she went in to labor - and it all worked out in the end. Its sooo hard because you NEVER know. You have no rights what so ever and you spend a lot of money (at least we did) just for a hope that it will all work out.

[Support2Adopt]

I haven't been through this, but I can imagine how difficult this time is for you. I hope you hear something from this young lady. Does the agency have an address for her whereas they could drop her a line?
JJ

[Liepolds]

I am so sorry.

From what my agency told me in when we began the adoption process, that the perspective b/mom can dissapear from time to time.

Just keep postive, and I know I am stupid for saying this, but, try and relax!

Kim

[susanlowman]

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your situation. I have not been thru what you are going thru -- but I did have to wait 5 weeks after my daughter was born before she was finally placed with us....those 5 weeks of the "uncertainity" of the family drove me crazy. Not the same as you, but I wanted you to know my situation (as many others have posted) worked out great. I hope you hear soon!!

[redhedded]

I am thinking of you and wishing you peace regardless of the outcome. I know how hard the wait is, and the not knowing is the most excruciating. I have been EXACTLY where you are with our first match. I appreciated our agency immensely for being forthright with us; they said there is NEVER a way to predict the outcome. It is always possible that the expectant mother just needs some space and time alone to clear her thoughts about her plan, aside from the enormous physiological stress of impending childbirth, which I cannot begin to imagine; our agency also informed us that it often means that she has opted to parent and is hesitant to inform the agency or prospective adoptive parents. In our case, we received a call the morning of the birth telling us that she had made contact and had opted to parent. We were crushed but got right back on the roller coaster of adoption.

Now that experience is so distant, it seems it hardly happened. I hope, if it is right for all involved, that this happens. Regardless of the outcome, take care of yourself (gets some sleep), journal your feelings, try to do what makes you happy and confident and KNOW that you will be a mother soon. If you need someone to chat with, I am always around. PM me.

[BlueMommy]

I am thinking very good thoughts for you. I feel everything will work out.

Please keep us posted as we ride this wave with you. You are not alone.

Many blessings,

Robyn

[iwannabamommy]

August22Caitlyn,

I HOPE and PRAY that you do not have to endure any more heartache and worry and that everything works out well for you and that you and your husband will be holding your daughter soon. Just know that we are all here for you and that just because something happens to one of us, does not mean that the same thing will happen to you. Your ** could just need some time and space by herself to deal with her own feelings and emotions and say goodbye to your daughter. I hope that what I am about to share with you will let you see that there is hope no matter what the situation is right now.

I can tell you our experience since this has happened to us. During our first adoption our ** did not want any contact after our intial meeting until she went into labor and then she wanted us st the hospital, but not in the room withher. As you can imagine we started getting excited and anxious the week before the beaby was due just like you are. I would call our Facilitator and the Agency and they would always tell me the same thing, this is normal we have not heard from her she just needs her time and space. She was still picking up and cashing our support checks form the Agency so all must be well. Three days before her actual due date she called the Facilitators and told them she had already had the baby and had changed her mind, we found out the next day. Both our Agency and Facilitator tried to contact her and find her, but she disconnected her phone and moved. We later found out she had, had the baby 3 weeks prior and had kept taking our support and kept the baby. That was her right and her decision to parent was her choice. We lost the little girl that would have been our daughter, but most importantly we lost faith in the system. We knew going into this that there were risks and that this could happen, but as aparents we put our faith, trust and money into the hands of the agency, facilitator and birthparents that things will work out.

Let me say though, had this not happened (and every miscarriage we suffered) we would not have our beautiful son now. He truly is our miracle baby and we are blessed for having him in our lives.

With that said we were VERY hurt and VERY angry. We felt betrayed and deceived and robbed. Not only of our "daughter" but of our finances too. See by her continuing to take our support from the Agency we lost out on money to pur towards the next adoptions. Our attorney put a lein on her, but we could not recoup what had been paid out. That was the consequences we took, but something should be doen to protect the aparents as well as the birthparents in my opinion.

My prayers and thoughts are with you both. Please keep us updated.

[kathycasa]

Just wanted to say stay strong and remain hopeful. We went through a similar situation. It is tough when you don't know where they are or what is happening. Our bmom called when she went into labor. Unfortunately, after letting my husband and I bond with the baby after birth in the hospital, she changed her mind and kept the baby. I was devastated, but with God and my faith, my dh and I made it through. We looked at it like we just helped that baby survive the last 2 months in utero and God was going to make us a family someday. We just knew it. Now we are the proud aparents of 2 toddlers. Don't give up. We didn't and look at us now!!!!!!!

[GE_Glows]

Cammie - just read your sad situation on your other thread - how sad that the bmom felt the need to hide - perhaps the bfriend will dissappear again once the newness has worn off and you'll still be able to parent his child. If not, God has another child in mind for you, keep the faith and know we are praying for you.

Toby