[GreenThumb]

I haven't posted in quite awhile, so here's a little history. We adopted our fabulous son, Jim, in March, 2004. He is now almost 5 months old. We planned full openness with his Bmom, "T," but have only shared pictures, letters and phone calls to this point. We have each other's full names, addresses and numbers.

T called last week, after 2 months of silence, to say she feels more together and was ready to see Jim. We had her come to our house Saturday for lunch and play time--about 4 hours total. It was also her birthday last week so we had cake and a present for her. It was fun to fuss over her special day.

It was a wonderful visit. A little uncomfortable in the beginning, just because none of us knew what to do. But we went to the common denominator, Jim, and just played and laughed. T was very considerate of our feelings and went out of her way to ask permission to do the things she wanted: kiss him, look at his belly button, nibble on his toes when he waived them in her face, put him down for his nap. We offered her alone time with Jim, and she hesitated, but spent some time with him in his room. I'm sure she had things she needed to say to him. I'm proud to say we left the monitor off, so we really don't have any idea what she shared with him.

At one point T and I sat out on the deck together and talked very frankly, in a friendly way. She was able to talk about how it was rough to see me being his mommy. I told her there was part of me that doesn't want to share Jim with her. We agreed that although open adoption has its difficult parts, it's the right and best thing to do for Jim. THAT'S what matters. A couple of times T accidentally referred to herself as "mommy," but obviously felt so badly afterward. It didn't hurt me at all. Like we said, I know who I am and she knows who she is. We're the grown ups, and we can work out anything that's in his best interest.

Just wanted to share in case it would help anyone out. We're still new at this, but I'm open to questions.

Ann

[jennied]

Good for you. It sounds like it sort of broke ground for you and now you can feel more resolved about things you may have questioned before!

[DebCsMom]

I'm so happy you all had a WONDERFUL visit! They will get easier & easier with each one.

Deb

[rights]

I am so glad you chose to do what is best for your son. He will have alot of respect for you when he grows up. I am a foster/adoptive and a private adoptive parent and honesty is always the best choice. There are so many adoptive parents that are negative towards the birthparents and they will pay the price later. Thank God, you won't be one of those.

[katieb31323]

That is so great to hear!!! Thanks for sharing. An open adoption relationship can be such a positive thing for the little ones involved. I truely believe this with all of my heart. It is so great to be able to come here and talk with others who really "get it" too. I really appreciate you sharing this experience with all the highs and lows.

Katie

[amom4life]

Hi Ann!
It's good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing your experience I'm sure it will be an encouragement to many. You should go to the photo parade thread and post an updated picture of little Jim.
Judy

[iss36]

Hi Ann,
I tried to send you a private message but your box was full. I havea couple of question for you I need some help. Could you please email me
thanks kim