[Liepolds]

We have a very good relationship with Chris's sister and brother in law.

Here is my question. Chris and I are very middle income family. Once we get a baby, I will be a SAHM(Yippee!!), we can swing the adoption money, but, after we will be tight. My SIL and BIL want to throw a pig roast with a band and other stuff to help raise money for our adoption. We are pretty proud people and a little embarassed about this. They want to invite our families and friends. It sounds great, and I just don't know if this would offend people.

How do you feel about this? Is it tacky? Be honest , I mean, put aside that your all adopted parents and know the money crunch, just curious what the general public would feel about this.

Kim

[orphanagemom]

I think it's great! Go for it! When we were starting the adoption process, some of our friends passed info along about us needing $$ to adopt, and our entire neighborhood (and beyond) helped out! Plus, we got an anonymous check in the mail for $10,000. We are very proud people too, on middle class income, but for the sake of this sweet new daughter of ours, it was well worth "letting down our pride" a bit. People are usually more than willing to help, especially in a case of adoption! And, a big party is what people love to come socialize. Also, since we were so public about our adoption, our story touched the lives of a few other families who are now in the adoption process!!!
Jen

[lisa in venice]

Sounds like a blast to me. If it offended me I would just send my regrets. Some people are put off by fundrasiers period and for some reason feel obligated to participate. I personally don't get it. I participate in fundrasiers that I believe in or to help out people I care about and others I just pass on. I get invited to a whole lot of fundrasiers and this is one I would go to.

lisa

[kashicaat]

I think it's an excellent idea, and it's wonderful to have family support you as well! Good luck and I hope it works out well!!!

[dogncatkids]

I encourage you to take them up on their offer. Some people dont get any support at all. Let them do all they want to help you bring your child home. It will allow them to feel as if they contributed and are being included.

[Momof2andcats]

Go for it! We struggled huge to get the funds to adopt our two precious children and looking back, if someone had offered to help us-it would have been incredible.

Let your pride go for the sake of the child! Trust me-it's worth it! Best wishes and good luck! -Sarah(mom of 2)

[heikkila]

Go for it! If someone is willing to help - let them.

Good luck.

[DBM68]

I am sorry but NO NO NO -

We get multiple requests per year from our nieces and nephews - who are teens and plenty old enough to work - to give money so they can go on church trips - which is a good cause just as yours is - but you don't ask people to fund your lifestyle.

How do you think your SAHM friends who cut corners, clip coupons, drive an old car etc. to make ends meet would feel?

Everytime I see my niece w/ a new shirt or nephew w/ a new CD I think 'but you asked me for money' - yuck.

Sorry to say but money is tight for everyone!

I totally resent being asked as a family member - and I can't imagine friends doing this. How could you look people in the eye afterward?

I am sorry to dissent here I wanted to be honest with you!

[taggrr2]

I would go for it. To avoid any appearance of what the above poster mentioned, I would put a price on the meal. Then, I would do maybe a silent auction of donated items. In each case, people are getting something back for their money - either a meal or a prize they bid on. You would not be outright simply asking for donations. You could also have door prizes to be given away for some crazy contest or other. I had 2 friends who did it this way and it was very successful.

[DBM68]

Silent auction?? I think that's even worse - people will feel pressured to buy something they really don't want.

I work in a big office and someone's kid is always selling something - I'm here to tell ya non parents **hate** it.

Could a family member quietly 'pass the hat' to other family members w/o your involvement? A 'gift' is one thing a 'fundraiser' is just plain tacky.

[kashicaat]

You know, I don't think it's any different than if they want to throw you a baby shower. It is something THEY want to do for YOU, and let them. If people take offense to it, than just explain that they set up the entire party, invited people, etc.

If people are offended, they won't come and that's okay...there is a time to put your personal opinions aside, and hopefully they willl. It's a big party, and I still think it's an excellent idea. I would love to have someone offer to help me do that, and another benefit is that if there are some people who don't like the idea, you have the support of his sister and brother-in-law as well.

Again, I wish you the best and I hope it all works out for the best! Don't forget, you can't make everyone happy all the time.

I think overall, if you can make it seem like they are getting something for their money, it's goes over better than if they are just outright donating money. The door prizes, and a silent auction with donations is a good idea.

[DBM68]

Last word on this from me -

That is not the same thing as a baby shower (I also think showers have gotten totally out of control but that's another topic).

Even if I thought this was a good idea my DH would be mortified! He is pretty sensitive about his ability to provide for us. He'd feel like a complete loser. You know how guys are.

ok I am done! Best wishes and luck to all!

[Liepolds]

I did post this to ask opinions, I agree, but, wow! You sure are harsh.

Not sure if you noticed, but, my BIL and SIL want to throw the fundraiser. Not even my idea.

It WILL be only close friends and family. Quite a few of them have offered money already and my family thought this would be a good way for the family to not only get together, but, to help us start a family. We will only invite friends that we know won't be offended

I hate to have the debates via a message board...

Thanks for everyones input. With the amount of positive input, we have decided to proceed with the fundraiser.

Kim

[jirocct]

It sounds a little like maybe there are underlying issues for DBM68. There are some pretty strong opinions on this matter.

I agree with the majority of people here though and that's go for it. Honestly a pig roast is something that is great fun, and if a person doesn't want to go, or feels pressurd to give money they can just decline the invitation... even say they have plans for that night, it's not that hard to do. I have to admit that if a family member offered to do this for me I would be so appreciative, and moved.

Some people just can't afford to adopt on the money they are making and fundraising is the only way they could ever have kids. I don't think it's right to deny a couple children just because they can't afford the very expensive adoption fees.

Have a great time at your pig roast!!.

[DBM68]

I am sorry Liepolds, I really really truly didn't mean to be harsh, I was just trying to be totally honest with you -

I must say I am surprised at the reaction this got, the same topic was on another board recently and completely vetoed.

And yes there is an underlying issue for me - I am just sick to death of being solicited like this - between coworkers, friends, family, church, neighbors - it just seems to never end and people get bolder and bolder with it all the time. I recently attended a baby shower for a friend in their new 700K home that she basically threw for herself - isn't that just a bit much? Wouldn't a luncheon or a tea to celebrate be more tactful? To boot her parents outfitted the nursery so everything on her registry was like Baby Einstein tapes, a $100 dollar blanket, a ski suit (we live in FL!) -- I thought a registry was supposed to help you get the basics or at least have a range of gifts on it price wise? Isn't that just rude? My own brother and his wife did the very same thing so maybe I am wrong.

Anyway as I said before best wishes on your adoption!!