[ACR]

Actually, if we found that he had shoplifted, we would immediately insist that he return the item to the store and accept the consequences as determined by the store. If that involved calling the authorities, so be it.

If we were to find pot in the house (and we have on one occasion)we did and would insist that he immediately flush it down the toilet as we do not allow illegal drugs or their use in our home. He then had to accept the unpleasant consequences of his action which involved major changes in the degree of his freedom, the way we handle and allow him to handle money, and the taking away of privileges based on level of trust and responsibility including cell phone and such.

[ACR]

PS I don't consider your feedback rude or negative. I'm very interested in others' opinions as I know the approach we're taking is controversial.

However, after speaking with several professionals including several people in law enforcement, school psychologists, drug rehab counselors, and our pediatritian, we have come to agree with the conclusion that all the talks, visits to jails, homeless shelters, morgues, etc. won't do a bit of good, particularly with pot which the kids believe is harmless and fun, until the kid has enough negative consequences related to its use to make him want to stop.

[lucyjoy]

My son found a week in a hospital rehab to be enough consequence for now as he didn't like the idea of being locked up. He also learned a few things about drugs that he thought he knew but was wrong about.

I guess I don't get it. He returns stolen items and deals with the consequence of the law plus the parental consequence. He uses illegal drugs and he loses getting high and the parental consequences, but the legal issue is ignored. None of the profressionals I've ever worked with have the opinions the ones you refer to have. It's definetly a very different approach.

Why would drug use be treated differently then eating disorders?
The person has to want to get better, but still has hospital and medical intervention.

What if it was alcohol instead of pot? They are often used together. Would the reaction be different then? Alcoholics have to want to stop, but with teens, intervention would still be done.

It's funny how professionals all have such different views.

[camilleh]

I just wanted to add that my mother did with my brother what a lot of you are suggesting. She found out he had been "huffing" and smoking pot and drinking. He was only 14/15. She got him in to a rehab.

To this day my brother (who is a father now) says it was the wrong thing for him at that point. It was in rehab that he learned about heavier drugs. He learned where to get them and how to use them. And then later he did use them and probably could have used the rehab, but he also learned about how to hide what he was doing. My mother never had a clue after that what he was up to. He was brilliant about it. Very frightening. He knew grades were supposed to be a clue so he was very careful about that!

While I agree that severe consequences are necessary you don't want to send your children to those places until you must. You never know what they'll learn there. Sometimes it won't be the lesson that you want.

ACR - I just wanted to say you sound like a wise woman who has done a lot of research. And adding ADD to the mix changes the situation immensely and not everyone will understand that. They process consequence in a different way. Good Luck with everything!

[ACR]

Lucy, the legal consequences aren't ignored in that, if we find illegal pot in our home, it goes away immediately-- we don't allow illegal substances in our home. Period. By the way, the one time we did find pot and it was flushed, it was in the presence of a wonderfully helpful on-duty police officer who suggested the above course of action.

Camille, your're right, the ADD does add an interesting ingredient to the mix as he doesn't always "get" the action/consequence connection the first time around. Luckily, other than this pot issue, he has been a great kid and has not been in trouble. And, even this doesn't (in my opinion) indicate a potential drug addict in the making. His use, although at a younger age, isn't any different than what my friends and I did at a couple of years older than he is. And, while we in no way condone his use, we are more concerned with dealing with issues which may be leading to his using pot. I don't believe that we will be helping him in any way to take an adversarial approach and becoming his policemen or jailkeepers.

[ACR]

PS Camille, we agree with any kind of drug treatment/rehab as a last resort. As the pediatritian/psycholoigst we talked to put it-- that's a good way to teach a kid who's doing somewhat normal teenage experimenting with marijuana how to become a really good drug addict.

[camilleh]

That ped/psych is exactly right. That is precisely what happened to my brother!

And while he may not be doing drugs anymore, He just recently landed in the hospital because he was throwing up blood. His extensive and immense use of alcohol has messed up his insides something fierce! Alcoholism has taken who he is. We are all hoping this wake up call (he has been ordered by doctors not to drink anymore hard liquor - normally he drinks alot of rum) will help, but he's almost 29 so we've been waiting a long time for him to come out of it!

[ACR]

Camille, I'm so sorry for your brother and family. How difficult it must be to watch your brother behave so destructively. Hopefully, as you said, this will give him some motivation to quit. He's so young still... I wish him and you the best.