[brighteyesk9]

My husband and I have made the decision to adopt and we signed with an agency in April of this year.
Our complete cost is over $22,000. One birthmother selected us for her child, however she wanted over $800 a month for living expenses. She was 3 months pregnant at the time. If she were to change her mind about the adoption, we would never get that money back.
There was no way that we could have ever been able to pay that.
We are a middle class family and not rich by no means.

Does anyone have any advise?

Thank you,
Alta

[BrandyHagz]

Moved the thread from Birthmother Support to Adoptive Parent support.

[tb1braswell]

YOur agency should help you find a match that doesn't go over your budget. SOme bmom expenses are much more than others, we got very lucky.

[DebCsMom]

One "rule" we always had was not to be matched until Bmom was in her last trimester, preferable the last month or so. ONLY because of the emotions that play in the decision making. A woman can change her mind a zillion times during the pregnancy. Even a zillion times after the birth before signing. It would have made me NUTS being matched for so long! Even as the possible parents it's a roller coaster ride of emotions.

As far as expenses go, you can only do what you can afford. Remember, if she does place you need to be able to take care of that baby once you bring her/him home! If it's something you just can not do, pass on it. You may think you won't get chosen again but YOU WILL!

Good Luck

Deb

[amom4life]

Hi,
If you feel that these expenses are too much for you then you should pass on this situation. Deb is right you will get matched again. $800.00 a month for three months on top of your other monthly obligations and other adoption expenses is a lot.

We told our facilitator what we would be comfortable putting out for birthmother expenses and we all stuck with that. Though we did lose some when our first match didn't go through.
Judy

[blessedmom]

Alta,

Before you pay any living expenses, check with an attorney. Some states will not allow you to pay it. Our state only allows medical fees. Even though our daughter was born in another state which allows paying living expenses, we could not pay them because we were going to finalize in our home state.

Our agency also asked us to indicate whether we wanted to be considered for adoptions that had additional expenses. If we chose not to or could not afford the additional money, they did not show our profile to those expectant mothers in those categories.

Good luck!

[lisa in venice]

I would rethink you agency. This is a very financially risky sitatuion and the fact taht the agency is comfortable matching you so early with such high expenses tells me they are not lookig out for your best interests. Nor are they trying to find other sources of support for the expectant mom. If only $5k is going into birthparent expenses what they heck else are they charging to make the final cost so high? Something doesn't sound right to me.

There are lots of agencies that charge a FLAT fee of just over $20k but that is becasue they are providing services to many expectant families, many of whom never place. The down side is that the fees are high but the up side is that your money is never at risk becasue you are only charged the bulk of the fee AFTER a successful placement.