[azprincess]

Hi.

As some of you may have read, I am a bmom. The adoption is open and was finalized in 1990, my bchild is now 14 and we all have a pretty good relationship. I have 4 children I am raising but it's come time to bring another child into our family. Another pregnancy is just too risky so we are going through the process of adopting. Probably a child between ages 3 and 9 because there is a gap there in our family.

As Amom's, how would you feel about knowing the bmom of your baby was going to adopt? How do you think it would affect your child (her bchild)? How/ what stage of the process would you prefer to know about it?

I am asking because I would VERY much like to use them as a reference. I just don't know if it's OK Or not. any advice?

[Liepolds]

azprincess,

I think that is wonderful! Good for you!! I would think that if you still have a good relationship with the aparents, that would be a wonderful reference.

Also, I am sure they would be proud of you! If you were the b/m of my child I would be beaming with pride!!

Good luck and God Bless!
Kim

[Colorbind love]

As a bmother, I have to say that our lives are not pigeon-holed by one defining time in our lives. The knowledge that we were not capable or ready to parent a child once in our lives should not determine our ability to parent forever. I would hope that most, if not all, adoptive parents understand that dynamic.

I know that are several of us on this forum who are both bmothers and amothers. I myself fall into that category. I placed my first child for adoption 10 years ago. I went on to be married, give birth to 3 beautiful children and last year became welcomed home our then 7 year old son (now 8). We are currently in progress to bring home a set of brothers as well.

My bdaughter has been supportive and excited for us. She's a bit jealous because she wants more sisters in her family and her father seems resistive to adopting more children right now (there are 5 in her family). But, she and her family have never been anything but supportive and excited for us in our decision to grow our family in this manner at this point.

[Momof2andcats]

It wouldn't bother me whatsoever if I found out my child's bmom was adopting. I would be thrilled for her that she is going to have the privledge of raising another child! I agree wholeheartedly with Colorblind Love that your life should not be pigeon holed by one moment.

Congratulations to you on making the decision to adopt and I wish you a fast and smooth process! Best wishes-Sarah(mom of 2)

[Brat]

You are so considerate and thoughtful, and sound like such a special lady.

I personally wouldn't think it was any of my business if my daughter's birthmom decided to adopt, anymore than it would be hers when we expand our family by whatever route God chooses. I'd just be happy for her, and glad that we have even more in common.

[coco46]

azprincess,

I am also a B-mom and a hopeful A-mom, and I have to say that my B-daughter's family has been a constant source of support and love for me. Her A-mom is already one of our references, and offered to be one without my ever asking her! My B-daughter is excited for my husband & I, and is excited to hear stories about her own adoption, as well as my latest journey through adoption as an A-parent-to-be.

Anyone who's been through the process of adoption realizes that it's not a decision you make lightly. If you ask me, ANY adoptive parent, especially one you have a connection to as their child's B-mom, would most likely celebrate your choice and do everything they can to support and encourage you.

Don't feel hesitant about sharing your news. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised! Good luck.

[cathy102]

I just want to say that it is so wonderful that you want to adopt. I bet your match will happen soon. I think that an expectant mom would pick you pretty fast, just knowing that you know exactly what they are going through...

Good luck and let us know how things go. Are you with an Agency right now or you just in the process of getting things started???

Prayers going your way.. You sound like a great and special person..

Hugs,

Cathy

[azprincess]

hi!

Thanks for all your replies! We are just getting started, due to start PRIDE training classes. We would really like to adopt an older child. One between our baby and son. (There is a 9 year gap). I think a baby would be WONDERFUL too, but certainly not yet. Our baby (nearly 3) truely IS the baby. lol.

I am going to write up a letter to the family and mail it out soon with the news of adding a member to our family. We are completely on the edge of our seats with excitement, and since we are looking for a boy, my son is just THRILLED. (he is the only boy lol).

*excited*
I'll let you all know how everyone takes it. My sister is completely beside herself with excitement right now. So far so good! :P

[Support2Adopt]

Originally posted by azprincess
Hi.


As Amom's, how would you feel about knowing the bmom of your baby was going to adopt? How do you think it would affect your child (her bchild)? How/ what stage of the process would you prefer to know about it?

I would have no problem with this. I know that in my children's cases, they were placed for adoption because their Birthmothers were in a time and place whereas they felt they couldn't parent them. Times and situations change things.
I would love to know from the get go so I could offer any help or advice I could give.
JJ

[BabsCanada]

I'm an adoptive mom and my daughter's birthmom is in the process of foster-adopting her estranged sister's 2 young sons. When she e-mailed me this news, she said her biggest fear was how our daughter would take the news.

She has no reason to fear and we are so thrilled for her. As someone else said, I know that b-mom was in a different time and place when she relinquished our daughter - she has since completed her education, has a great job (way better than mine!) and is married and stable. What a great blessing she is to these two young boys, to give them a loving family with a shared history.

I'd be surprised if any a-parent would be against the idea of the b-parent adopting later.

Of course there will always be people, outside the triad, who will react with negativity. They just need to be educated is all!

Good luck to you

Babs