[sadiegirl]

Hello all!

I am in need of some advice! Our agy has requested that we make more "profiles/lifebooks". 10 more to be exact. This will make 25 profiles in the 7 mos that we have been "waiting". They also have 4 pbmoms right now who are due in Dec, Feb and March. I am balking somewhat b/c as much as we desperately want a child, we don't see the need to make more yet. (They have one of our profiles left). Plus, if 10 pbmoms came thru the door, we could make our profiles in under an hour! (Staples and Kinko's ;-)

I guess I am just wondering if any of you have been in this boat. I know DH and I are frustrated (we met a bmom in June, but she chose another couple) and we feel like if no one is due until Dec, what's the rush? (I'll probably go and make about 4 profiles just to cover us but I was wondering everyone's thoughts?) But yet, we kinda feel like when the agy says jump, we should say how high. There's that irrational fear that they'll think "Well, they must not want a baby THAT bad. Hmmm, let's put them on the bottom of the pile..."

Am I just overanalyzing?
Thanks!
Tina

[amom4life]

Hi Tina,
I don't think what your agency is requesting is unreasonable at all. We made 50 profiles/lifebooks right after we contracted then another 20 several months after that, and we were having 15 more made THE DAY that we got the call to pick up our son.

We called Staples to cancel the order but they had just finished the job right before we called. So we had 80 profiles/lifebooks made in our short 6 month wait.

Actually I never objected to having to make more because at least that told me our profiles were being seen and being seen a lot!
Judy

[kashicaat]

That's what our agency requested as well. They asked for an original 10 and then when they got down to the last one, the asked for 10-12 more. And when they got down to 1 or 2 left, they asked for another set. Yes, of course once I sent off that last set, we got matched and didn't need them. But I could care less because we are now matched!!

I didn't have a problem with it...I'd rather them have a stack of our profiles, than have a potential bmom not get a chance to review our bmom letter/profile because they ran out.

Just because the bmoms that are coming in aren't due for a long time, doesn't mean too much. Some bmoms wait until the last minute, for whatever reason (ours switched agencies because she didn't like how she was treated from the original agency she chose).

Anyway, I don't think their request is unusual and I would just make 10 more copies, because you never know what could happen...I'd rather be safe than sorry.

[Sarah0518]

Last minute matches do occur. The bmom of our baby didn't go to an agency until she was a little over 7 months preg. As it was she didn't like any of their couples (none wanted as much openness she did) and found us via our on-line profile. We had 2-1/2 weeks from the time "K" first contacted us to the day Vaden was born.

We also had another match at the end of last year (fell thru) where the birthmom was 8 months preg. From the day we met her to the day the baby was born was exactly 1 month. So believe me, last minute matches/placements do occur.

Think of it this way... What if either of these bmoms had gone to your agency, and your agency had just passes out their last copy of your profile to someone else that came in earlier that day. You would have missed any chance of being considered and possibly matching.

[sadiegirl]

Thanks to everyone who has posted; you all make some good points, which is what I needed!

I guess I am just feeling a little uneasy at our agy. It seems to me that giving a profile to a pbmom who is due in March is rash. (But, I don't know, is that how it's done?) I mean, if she's due in March she's about 8 wks pg! To me, that seems very soon to know you want your child placed for adoption. (But I am not a pbmom, so I don't know! I always assumed *most* bmoms made their decision in the 3rd trimester)

It just seems to me that if a pbmom is due in March, that our agy is sending profiles to anyone who calls. I KNOW, I KNOW anyone who calls could be "the one" for us!

I know you all think I am crazy ("how could she not wanna do this? This could result in a match for them!") Trust me, we're just frustrated with waiting, even tho it's been 7 mos, we've been infertile for 8 yrs, so this just seems REALLY LONG for us.

Amom: you're right, this means that our profiles are being seen alot, but I guess I am such a pessimist, to me it means, they're being seen but we're not considered "good enough" otherwise, we'd be matched! (Does that make sense?)

Here's to what kashi says: that I make all these profiles and we get matched, with essentially the rest going "to waste".
Sigh...
Tina

[Guspiv]

Sadiegirl,

I think that if you feel uneasy about being matched to early (like in the 1st trimester) maybe you should go with another agency. A lot of the agencies we looked at (and the one we chose) doesnt show profiles to Poteintal Birthmothers until they are 7-9 months pregnant and they have already been through the counseling that the agency provides. That was a plus for us. I am sure there are agencies in your area with simular processes. I am not saying this is the only or best way, it was just the way for us.

Good luck.

[wishing4real]

I would keep making them too. The more that are sent out the better the chance you will have to find the baby that is supposed to come home to you.

Even if you have to send out 50 before you are matched, when you hold your child for the first time, it will all have been worth it. I think that a specific spirit is meant for your home and you would hate to miss out on "the one," simply because they ran short on profiles.

A ** could walk through the door tomorrow with a due date just weeks away.

Also, while agencies can be frustrating to work with at times, I have resolved myself to the fact that they do this for a living and must know what is best. Maybe not all the time, but I am trying to maintain confidence in my agency and believe that when they tell me to jump (which they often do), the best response is how high! They want to find you a match and are probably requesting from you the tools they need to do so.

Keep the profiles coming and you will likely find a little one joining your family before you know it.

[sadiegirl]

Well, I made the profiles and dropped them off today. I hope one of these finds us "the one".

I wanted to add that it has been mentioned a couple of times how we should do the profiles b/c what if we miss out on a match. Our agy does not send out profiles until they have ALL of them (meaning if they are working w/25 couples and let's say one couple needs to make more, they wait until that couple turns them in before handing them out) How do I know? B/c that happened to us in June! It ironically resulted in a mtg w/a bmom, but she chose another couple. So, there's no fear of our profile NOT going to a pbmom.

So, like I said, I ended up making them (but only 5 instead of 10. They said if nothing happens by Sept that we need to "rework" our book, but that's another can of worms altogether! I saw no need to make more than 5 knowing that information).

As I keep mentioning, I am just tired of the wait, and "Aunt Flo" seems about ready to visit, and a friend of mine just told me today that she's pg! So bear with me!

Keep the ++++ thoughts and prayers coming, I seem to need them right now!
Thanks
Tina

[amom4life]

Originally posted by sadiegirl
I wanted to add that it has been mentioned a couple of times how we should do the profiles b/c what if we miss out on a match. Our agy does not send out profiles until they have ALL of them (meaning if they are working w/25 couples and let's say one couple needs to make more, they wait until that couple turns them in before handing them out) How do I know? B/c that happened to us in June! It ironically resulted in a mtg w/a bmom, but she chose another couple. So, there's no fear of our profile NOT going to a pbmom.

Tina

Hi Tina,
This does not sound right. I'm thinking maybe your problem isn't with the profiles so much as this particular agency. They should not withhold a pmatch from you just because you don't have all of your books in. If you only have one left it should still go out to a pbirthmother.

Our facilitator liked us to have at least 25 in their office at all times, but they always used what they had even if we didn't have all 25 in at once.

Also I know exactly what you mean about it being great that your profiles are being seen a lot but no one is choosing you. DH and I went through that too. You know the questions...Why aren't we being chosen? What's wrong with us? How come no one likes us? Is something wrong with our profile? ETC...

Try to look at it this way though...each profile that goes out brings you that much closer to your perfect match.

I know the waiting is so hard!

Judy