[DanniGirl]

Hi all!

I was curious if those of you in open adoptions could tell me what your children call their birth-grandparents? Yesterday I stopped by my daughter birthmom's work to drop off some of the latest pictures I had taken of S; she is going out of town today for a competition she is in and I thought the pictures might give her an extra boost. While there I asked her how her mom was doing and that I think about her every time I pass her house (which is several times a week since she lives on the road that leads to town). C said that she was okay and that I could go by her work and see her if I wanted too. I said sure and she called her mom to make sure it was okay.

B the bgrandma has not seen S since Nov. of last year. She had made plans she could not back out of when we had our visit at the park back in May with C and her husband. When I got there the lady at the front desk asked if S was B's granddaughter and I said yes and she asked if I was B's daughter.....it was at this point I realized I'd stuck my foot in my mouth; I just said no I am a friend. As soon as B got up there and we got away from everyone I told her I wasn't sure what she had told everyone about S, but explained the event with the receptionist. She said that everyone she worked with knew the situation. Thank goodness S was in a wonderful, happy mood and went straight to B. As we went around the office one of the first people she introduced us to asked B "So, what does she call you?" It was an awkward moment for B and I could see the pain in her face as she tried to explain, so I just spoke-up and said "Well we call her Grandma B" and this satisfied the person. So, I just referred to her as G-ma B while there.

On a side note, all of her co-workers were friendly and nice, but I could tell it was a bit uncomfortable for them. I guess they didn't know how to act since most people don't understand how open adoptions work. One lady though was rude and asked B "Is the first time you've ever seen your granddaughter?" Poor B was trying to answer her but she just said it again only louder this time looking straight at me. B just said no, but that it had been a long time. Anyway, B was so happy that I brought S up so she could show her off to her co-workers. As we left I hugged her and she started crying. It broke my heart. B is the perfect g-ma type that sews, crochets and cooks like nobodies business. I just wish things were different for her. C (birthmom) doesn't want her dad ever to see S or know where she went due to the fact he physically abused her as a child. All he knows is that C gave the baby up for adoption. Until C changes her mind this means we can never go to B's house for visits. I hope within the coming years that C can resolve some of her anger and allow her family to know and enjoy S....

Ok, so back to my main question (sorry I started straying there) what, if anything other than there name does your child call his/her birth-grandparents? Does it make birthmom's feel left out or hurt that everyone else is called g-ma this or aunt that while they go by their name? S doesn't really talk yet so it's not a problem, but I don't want any hurt feelings in the future.

Thanks!
Danni

[tobeafamily]

We use the same 'titles' as their other grandchildren - Nonni, Grandpa, Granddad, Gammy, Mom-Mom, Pop-Pop, etc (there are 9 total between birth and adoptive family). We don't distinguish distinguish between birth and adoptive in their titles. Same thing with aunts, uncles and cousins.

Ryan's bparents also have a 'title' that is different from everyone elses - they are bema and beda. Ryan actually came up with it, couldn't say 'birthmom' and 'birthdad' very well and we all liked his solution. :-)

HTH

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[lisa in venice]

Sam calls his b-grandparents Grandma and Grandpa+ their first names just like the other four. He is lucky enough to have three sets of grand parents.

lisa

[DebCsMom]

This is an easy one Our adopted children call their birth grandparents by their titles...Grandma & Papa are one set, Mamma & Grandpa is the other & Grandma & Grandpa are the other set.

Even our biological children call the Grandparents their titles. With 5 children, the kids have LOTS of Grandparents!!! LOL

Deb

[overflowing]

Our children call their bmom's "aunt ..." our bio son also calls them "aunt ..." We talked with both bmom's and asked them what they felt comfortable with and they both really like "aunt".

[79nic]

Danni,

My bdaughter calls my parents (her bio grandparents) "Grandpa Bob" and "Grandma Diane."

I DEFINITELY think the bio relatives should keep their "normal" titles, the ones they would have if bmom kept the child. In an open adoption, bio relatives fulfill all the same roles they always would have, so there's really no reason to give them different titles. (With the exception of the birth parents.)

My bdaughter calls me just by my first name. And no, it doesn't hurt me that my parents and sister have titles, and I don't. Actually it would hurt more if Marie's aparents DIDN'T let my mom and dad and sis keep their titles...

Nicole

[numbr1dbcksfan]

My daughter has no legal ties to her bio father, but still calls his dad Papa V*****, she calls my parents and her daddy's parents Grandma "name" and Papa "name" except my bio dad who we refer to as Grandpa J**...... So I guess same as everyone else here!

[Sarah0518]

"K"s mom is called Mimi by her other granchildren. Since noone else uses uses it in my family, that's what we are going with.

Another suggestion might be Nana.

[JenCo]

We refer to the bio-grandparents as "Grandma (first name)", "Grandpa (first name), "Nana" (first name) and another "Grandpa (first name).

When we are together and run into people we know I just say, "This is (so and so), she is dd's grandmother". I don't make the distinction that they are biological or otherwise. All the people that I would be introducing them to know that they are not DH or my parents since we are all about the same age. LOL!

Jennifer

[2boyz1girl]

You just need to decide on whatever you are comfortable with. Our dd doesn't speak much yet, but we refer to her bgrandmother (the only bgrandparent we have contact with) as "Grandma S." It doesn't bother me, but it did bother me that the bfather wanted to be called "Daddy S." We call my Mom "Nana," So it's a little different for me -- "Grandma" is not a title I'm too attached to. You sound quite fond of her and she sounds like she would be a good "Grandma" to your child.

[Sleepydream]

N calls bgrandparents grandma and grandpa just like Dhs father and stepmom. My parents are Nana and Papa, and then there is Grandma and PaPa (dh's mom and stepdad). Anymore it's not unusual for children to have more than 2 sets of grandparents even within biological families. I wish I had 4 sets of grandparents when I was little! That would have been
S-W-E-E-T!!

[michellemartin]

My daughter calls my moms friends grandma xxxx and grandpa xxxxx. They are just older adults and so therefore in my daughters short life so far, they MUST be grandparents! I think grandparent is a less formal title than mom/dad. Maybe formal isnt what I'm looking for. But kids have 2 sets already, so adding another set isnt as difficult emotionally for the people involved as having another set of parents being called mommy/daddy.

[azprincess]

Grandma and Grandpa!

I think it's great, too. My bdaughter calls me by my first name, and that's fine with me.

Sounds like you had a good visit!

[megsmom]

HI-
We have an open adoption and our daughters birth-grandparents are called mema and papa by their grandkids and so that's what our daughter call's them too! I think its great for her to be able to call them what the rest of her bio- cousins call them.

[DanniGirl]

Thank you all for the replies! I think a child can NEVER have too many grandparents and family that loves them!

I am pretty new to this whole open adoption thing (11months) but have always thought it was the perfect form of adoption. Adoption has formed my dad's family (both his parents and grandparents were adopted and he was adopted by his grandparents ) and it has always been a dream of mine to adopt. I also know how desperately my grandma wanted to know about her birthfamily up until the day she passed away. This way S will never have to wonder where she came from and who her "people" are.....

I really appreciate the replies from birthmoms, you all give me insight to how C must be feeling. I love her for the gift she gave me and want her to always feel good about herself.


Again thanks!
Danni