[crysmith]

Hello to all the waiting parents,

Just wanted to know how you are feeling.....


I go from being excited to just blahhh. Right now I'm kind of in the middle. Not really because of the "waiting" but because I want to plan a "surprise" birthday getaway for my DH but am afraid we may get the call. It's a month away but I will not be able to leave a newborn with anyone, not even my mom if I did get a call. This whole plan a getaway, don't plan a getaway has made me feel yukky all over again about the WAIT!

Anyway, just wanted to know how all the other waiting folks are holding up....Have a great weekend!

[Liepolds]

I am feeling anxious. We did our first step in the homestudy and now, I just sort of want to get going.

Our lifebook is pretty much done, just need to fix a few things and I will send it to agency next week..I feel sort of stagnant!

Am I making sense? I am not much of a laid back, be patient sort of girl. I guess I best try to become that, Huh?

Kim

[ermiller]

Hi! We've been waiting for a while and I go up and down all of the time. I totally understand the feeling of whether or not to plan things like a getaway. What I try to do is make plans I could take a baby with us or at least have some flexibility if it does happen!

Hope you all have a great weekend!
Erin

[redhedded]

Just wanted to tell each of you that I know how hard it is to wait. I have been there. And . . .it becomes increasingly more difficult after a failed match.

Just my two cents. You have to keep on doing what you always do. Crysmith: Plan the trip, AND buy travel insurance then you can change or get refunds for flights, hotel reservations, etc if necessary. Three years ago we had just been approved with our agency and had sent them 10 profiles; we flew to Italy for more than a month. We checked in with our social worker via email, and she assured us that if we needed to call home she would send this in a message.

One year later, after our great vacation, daily journaling of my emotions and our experience, two failed matches with two extraordinary women, changing agencies, lots of meditation and yoga, my perfect daughter arrived. It will happen. Do what you love to do, what makes you smile and feel confident. Wishing each of you a short journey filled with peace.

[Sarah0518]

I definately agree with redhedded. Make you plans. Just make sure they can either be cancelled without a large penalty or buy the trip insurance.

Last year was such a holding patern for us. We were afraid to make plans. That fall we finally gave in and went on a last minute cruise.

Skip forward to this year. Decided heck with the holding pattern, we're going to go on a vacation earlier and planning in advance this year. Or so we thought... Two weeks before our vacation we matched with a birth mom. Spend a week canceling plans to go one place so we could instead travel to her home state to meet her the next week. No one in our families knew. We let them think we were still going on the original vacation. 4 days after coming back she was induced. We barely had time to dump clothes out of the suitcase, wash and repack before returning.

Yes this year was hectic due to changing plans at the last minute, but last year was way worse. Staying on a holding pattern too long zaps your energy, and makes it hard to keep the enthusiam necessary to see you thru the wait.

If it is truely meant to be, it'll happen in a way that will work out. You just have to do your part by finding ways to still live your life, but with the flexibility to absorb last minute changes.

The fact we planned a vacation, so both had the time off in order to be able to visit her BEFORE the birth was just coincidence. It was meant to be.

[3+TWINS+1MORE=6]

Well, we are hangin in there. Our birthmom is due on the 27th and last time delivered a week early, so really any time now. I think because we have kids already I am upset to have to leave them behind as the birthmom lives 3 hours away out of state. My youngest were IVF twin miracles and are only 18 months old. We also have 3 foster kids who have been OURS(not adoptable) for 3 years now. I just hate to miss out on something they might do while I am gone. I have only half done all of the baby stuff just in case, although P is sure and told me it is a done deal! We are both anxoius to meet our little Makayla Michelle Lane! She has her birthmom and sisters middle name as well as mine and my daughters. I think it sounds great and P likes the whole name, so it is a winner!! We were matched on the same day we called the facilatator and maybe would have liked the twins to be older, but this was meant to be and should be interesting with 3 under 19 months!! LOL I have been passing the time by decorating the other kids rooms and spring cleaning. I know I won't have much time once Makayla comes home. Best of luck in your wait and may your time be short! Take Care, Kimberly

[Jmuckey]

What agency have you been using? We completed our homestudy in April 04 and are officially in the waiting pool.

[wishing4real]

Once we were finally approved and waiting, we prepared ourselves for a long wait. The agency prepared us for a wait of at least a year. So, we figured it would be at least 6 months, if not 2 years. Amazingly we were matched within 3 weeks of approval and our now waiting for our daughters birth in August. While I can't speak so much to the waiting to be matched part of things, the wait between match and birth has been grueling.

The not knowing how it will alll work out is killing me. She will be delivered by C-section the first week in Auguust, but we have to wait until the end of the month before we learn exactly what day they will schedule it for.

This wait of nearly 3 months is the worst thing I have ever endured in my life time. It is emotionally frazzling and time has almost stopped.

Hang in there, because I think it gets harder after the match. Questions of whether this baby will actually come home to you will plague your mind all day, every day.

Keep a positive attitude because it will happen and looking back it won't seem like the wait was all that bad (or at least that's what I keep telling myself ).

Good luck to all of you in your various stages of waiting!!!

[crysmith]

After talking to my wonderful husband we decided to throw him a birthday party game night at the house instead of traveling. We will have it catered and folks can bring kids. We will have babysitters on hand and the adults will be in the basement paying games while the little people will be in the family room watching movies and in the dining room playing games. I think the idea of the potential stress of having to cancel a trip led us to this decision. We did get to go away to Miami for a quick vacation a week ago. :-)

Thanks redhedded for your wonderful advice, as usual! :-) Today I'm doing better with the wait, we had a fun-filled busy weekend with friends and family. We decided to have a last minute cookout on Sunday and on Saturday we invited couples over for a spades tournament....it was GREAT! I've decided to adopt my husbands philosophy to just enjoy all this stuff now while we can.....we even went to a late night movie on Friday....we never go to late movies...but it was fun! :-)

Here's to waiting with JOY!

[sadiegirl]

Crysmith:

I am glad you had such a good time! My advice to you and others for next time is : take the trip! When you do have a little one, it will be harder to come and go, so I say go for it now, when you have the time, plus it will make the wait go quicker!

It reminds me of when we did IF treatments and we couldn't go or do anything b/c we needed ultrasounds, or had to do shots! Once, DH gave me a hormone shot in the parking lot of a Cracker Barrel in Wisc! (We live in Ohio!) I'm sure people thought I was "shooting up" or something.

My point is: try not to be chained to the process(although game night sounds fun! Can I come over? DH HATES to play board games, and I love them! Sigh) I know it's easier said than done, and I am certainly no expert, we have been waiting since Jan after having met a pbmom in June, only to have her choose another couple. Seems to make the wait even harder and longer!
Tina

[kllee4]

For us, continuing our normal routine is key. But in visualizing what will happen once we are matched makes me crazy on some days, sad on others. I try not to think about it. I know that our daughter will find us and we will be matched but my heart does long for a little one now.

Crysmith, I totally understand. We had so many plans and then are unsure of what to do. We have played it on the safe side and taken short, mini-vacations "just in case". I get anxious on some days and it's becoming slightly more difficult to see babies out in malls since I long to be a new mom. Even with my boys, who are older, it's much different this time around with adoption. It's the expectations that are draining and I try to remain positive. We did decide not to say anything to family and friends until she is here since the first failed match brought so many questions and inquiries daily that it was hard to answer after awhile.

We will all be matched soon and I pray for all of us during this process! Thanks for letting me vent!

kllee

[Scarlet]

I say plan away. You will make yourself miserable if you put your life on hold while you wait. I hope your wait is a short one but you should keep in mind that it make take a little while. Good luck on your journey.

I know what you mean about the ups and downs I think all of us in waiting have those times.

[Scarlet]

Ok what is going on with our forum the last few days. When I first looked at this post the only one that came up was the original posters. I thought to myself I wonder why no one has posted yet. After I posted voila there was every one else. What the heck!!!

[happycamsmom]

I agree with you that the wait is harder after you are matched. We actually met our bmom through a friend while she was already in the hospital. We met her, she chose us after 2 visits and was already dialated 6 cm. Talk about stress! We had no homestudy, nothing. We were just beginning to look at options. Well, we rushed with the homestudy and God bless our social worker, she completed everything in 1 week. Then came the down time.
We actually had time to think. Our bmom was only 31 weeks and on bedrest in the hospital. The doctors wanted her to go to at least 36 weeks. It was complete agony. We wondered everyday if it was the day, if they really were going to go through. We had the bdad to. They were together in the hospital the whole time. But,,,,,,,,,,,,,as you said if it is meant to be it will be. And it was for us. There were some really rocky times, including them changing their mind and taking the baby home for a week. But, they eventually called the attorney and signed the consents. After being there for the birth and cutting the cord. I felt like I died when they said they were going to parent him. But it all worked out. Good luck to you. Just try to relax and enjoy what is going on. I wrote to my son daily in a journal and that helped. We finalize tomorrow!

[kllee4]

Happycamsmom,

My husband and I had a similar experience in which the birthmom that had originally decided to place with us in the beginning, changed her mind and decided to parent. Due to the situation, we had not even had our homestudy completed (just as you stated happened) and were told to prepare for being at the hospital and taking home a newborn baby girl all within 3 weeks! We rushed to have everything done and then she decided to parent and we were crushed.

The room was a mess (since it was used for storage originally) and is now the most beautiful room (lavender with flowers and butterflies) and all the furniture is still there waiting. So our wait time now seems much more grueling before when we were busy gathering paperwork and things like that. Now we are waiting once again and pray that the birthmom is having a wonderful life.

It's wonderful to hear everyone's stories of how they were matched and how things worked out. I try to focus on the positive to get through it. Now that summer is here, I guess I envisioned having a little one in the family by now but I have to continuously remind myself that it isn't in our time, but in God's time that our baby will find her family!!

Praying for wonderful matches for all of us waiting,
kllee