[court5505]

What kinds of people did you put down for your personal references on your homestudy? I'm assuming friends, but what kind? Other couples that you're both friends with, other people with kids, a good friend of one of yours since you were young, etc? We have a ton of people we can put, but they only ask for two and I want to make sure we put the best two we can! Can you tell that I'm a nervous freak about every little detail??

[spaypets]

We had a terrible time coming up with references because most of the people we socialize with are family. We have few close friends and we had moved within the past three years so we didn't have local people who knew us well and the old people hadn't seen us in several years. Plus, there just weren't that many people who knew us both well.

We chose my mother's common-law husband (not technically a relative, but someone who had known us for 10+ years). We chose our next door neighbor from our previous home because we knew she thought we walked on water. And we chose the man who was the best man at our wedding and DH's long time friend.

We selected people who had seen our lives up close, who knew our values and who would say nice things about us. Two of our references had grown children (the neighbor and my mom's beau). The SW interviewed my mom's beau because he was the only one who was local. DH's friend isn't married and doesn't have kids.

If you have a lot of choices, I'd pick the best writers and the ones who are most enthusiastic about your plans and the ones who know you both best.

[Liepolds]

DH and I also struggled with who was best to put on the list. We also spend a lot of time with our families and have an eclectic group of friends.

Many of our friends are single, so I did not want to put many of them down. We decided on a good friend that as a couple we have been close friends with for over 5 years. Chris and her graduated from High School together. Then we added my best friend and her husband. She is the best friend I have ever had and to be honest, if I did not put her down, her feelings probably would have been hurt.

The last couple we decided is friends we have known closely not only our entire marriage but, the husband has know Chris since Jr. High school. Also, I was a temporary nanny for their son when I was in between jobs and they needed help. I figured they were a good choice.

I agree with put on your reference list who is going to follow through and actually get the paperwork done. That was anothe issue. We have a lot of friends that have know us forever, we just didn't know if we could count of them to follow through.

Good luck!! It is amazing how we agonize over every question, isn't it?

Kim

[DebCsMom]

For us referrances was easy. We used of course a close family friend. We also used our Pediatrician & our Pastor. You could also use your Employer, any Members from an organization you belong to such as Rotary or Optimist Club, any teachers you may know, neighbors, etc.

Deb

[court5505]

Thanks for your suggestions. We can't use employers because they get seperate references from them. We also can't use our priest for the same reason. We have plenty of friends to use, but we're having a hard time deciding which two would be best. We have one couple picked out for sure. They have two little kids and the kids just adore us. They are constantly saying things like "You guys are going to be the best parents in the world" so I know they will do a good job. We're kind of debating between another couple friend of ours and a girlfriend of mine. It's a tough decision.

[georgiagirl]

Mine wanted references from family, work, and a friend. I went with people who knew me the longest in each one of the groups.
There was also a list of topics or questions that they wanted the references to cover and that was helpful in knowing who could answer the questions best. See if there is a list of questions or topics that they would like covered in the reference letter.

[1of2moms]

I would add that you want to pick people who will get the papers filled out in a timely manner. I called all of our references ahead of time to let them know what to expect but still found then results now what I had expected. Some friends with children who are not the most organized were the first to turn in the forms. They have had very good friends adopt and know how important it was. Other, more organized friends, had to be hounded to get the foster care reference back after a month.

good luck

[Opting4Adopting]

We're just now filling out our paperwork and we needed 4 references (no blood relatives)...
After reading the comments here, I think we picked good!
Our problems were that we've only been married 3 years and I moved 1700 miles to marry hubby, so the people who knew him all his life didn't know me until 4 years ago and the same with me...Also, like so many here, we socialize mostly with his extended family!
What we did was:
One of my best friends (known me 23 years), she has 2 kids, fell in love with my hubby after meeting him, is great with references, has been extremely supportive through our years of infertility and also feels that we would be wonderful parents!

Hubby's Best Friend He is a dad & granddad now...he's been to our house (helped us move both times actually) and sees how we are with our furry babies!

Our Pastor He thinks we walk on water too...well, ok, not really, but he really likes us! I'm building a web page for our church and we've gone out with him and his wife several times!

One of my Captains I work at a police department and actually, one of my captains suggested that he be a reference. he and I have to travel together every 3 months and we've talked about our trying to conceive and about adoption alot. He knows my hubby and has a strong admiration for him (after all, he has to LIVE with me!) Besides, he knows that I can make his life miserable if he says anything bad about me!!!

Kat