[Sandymomof3]

I am a 41 year old mother of 3 bioligical children. My husband is the ripe old age of 47. I have always known adoption was a srong desire of my heart. I have a strong Christian faith and I have been praying about this for awhile now. And I feel stongly that now is the time in my life to pursue this dream. So, I start contacting agencies and apparently because of my age and my husbands, I find that our chances of adoption a small child under 2 are very very slim. Much less the fact that we already have children. This has been so disappointing for me and I just wonder where to turn. I have contacted local DHR to become foster parents and they basically discouraged me from "fostering in the attempt to adopt." Said, I should be with the mindset of getting the child possibly back in the home. And even if I did have my home approved for fostering, there are so many childless couples doing the same thing.
SO after all this information, I would love to adopt internationally but the expense is a drawback right now. We have a daughter starting college next year and all money at this point has to be designated for that. SO, should I give up? I desperately want a child. I would love to have a small child. I work at Moms Day Out at my church and I take care of 1 and 2 year old and my heart aches for one.
I could wait until daughter gets out of college, but then I have another one right behind her. And i am getting older and older!! Everyone that knows me, knows of my desire so I have the word out there in case a situation ever arises. Has anyone been in my shoes and how did things work out for you? I would love to hear from others. Thanks in advance for any help you could give me.
Sandy

[riley6]

If you feel that you would be able to emotionally handle giving a child back to the birth family, go ahead and foster in the hopes of adopting. We did it and have the family of my heart. We had to give 11 children back, in three years, before being placed with the four who were eventually our's forever. After having them two years, we adopted them.

[amom4life]

Hi Sandy,
M ydh is 44 and I'm 45. We didn't have any problem adopting because of our age and we plan to adopt one more time. We just brough our newborn son home last Jan. right from the hospital and we will be going for an infant again next time.

I also know of several others our age and older who have adopted infants.

It just may be that you checked in with the wrong agency. Try some others and I'm sure you will find someone who will work with you.

Also there is a 40 and over thread on these forums that you should go check out because its very encouraging and you'll see that it is totally possible for you to adopt an infant.
Judy

[bumpkin]

Hi Sandy

My DH is 46 and I am 41. We have a 7 year old boy we adopted through a private domestic adoption at birth. We just were placed with 6 month old twins from our states Social Service System. It happens. If you are willing to take in a 1 or 2 year old baby (or sib set) there ARE waiting children available. I would encourage you to start the training for foster to adopt in your state while you look at other options. If nothing else you will be more educated about adoption in general and some issues that can come up. When we took our MAPP training, it just happened to be when they had alot of younger children and babies available and foster/adopt parents that were looking for school aged children. Next season it could be different.
Adopting a waiting child through your states social service system is FREE. Make sure you talk to the "adoption unit" in your state if they have one. I found that the "old timer": social workers were more discouraging about younger child adoption and the younger ones more encouraging, so sometimes it depends on who you talk to.

Also, states differ in their philosphy on foster to adopt. Some states do not encourage it and some do. Some people get to the wrong unit or person on their first phone call and never pursue it. Sometimes they have adoption parties that you could go to and talk to the many social workers that are available - you might get a better spectrum. You will have to do more research to find out what your states system is. But I would encourage you to make more phone calls. Also county to county can differ, so try nearby counties as well.

Also try your local RESOLVE, chapter. They often have adoption fairs that can help you locate the right "kind" of adoption for you and point you in the right direction.

Ii think it's wonderful that you will consider adopting a waiting child. They are out there. When we were matched with our twins, we also knew our profile was went for a 1 year old boy, a 2 and 4 year old and a 3 and 18month old. It was one week after our homestudy was completed. 4 months after my first phone call to DSS.

Best of luck to you!

Bumpkin