[Dublin]

I was just reading some of the other posts today and go an idea for a thread.

I just want to know if you were at the hospital with the birthmom when she gave birth, and how all of you were treated by hospital staff? Did you have a hospital plan and was it followed?

We were very fortunate in that the hospital staff treated all of us wonderfully. We did have a hospital plan that we followed.

[heikkila]

The first adoption, the hospital OK - they started off a little cool, but warmed up.

The hospital for our "almost" second adoption was terrible. I have to say we were not treated well at all and I really believe it was the hospital staff that talked the birthmother out of placing the baby for adoption. They were very negative about adoption, and adoptive parents, and the nurses and hospital social worker were very direct and agressive about it both to her and to us.

There was a hospital plan in both cases, but it didn't seem to matter much.

I hope it is better than that for most people.

Rebecca

[tobeafamily]

We were at the hospital, I was in delivery with Ryan's bmom (she was having an unscheduled c-section) at her request. We talked with the hospital staff in advance, they advised us of their policies. At Ryan's bmom's request, I got one of the nursery bracelets, though I was told if his bmom chose to parent they would take it away.

The staff were great, except they kept calling me 'grandma' b/c Ryan's bmom and I look very much alike. She, of course, found this very funny. Her midwife of course knew who I and DH were but let everyone else keep being confused. She also thought it was funny.

I'd advise anyone to contact the hospital in advance though to find out what their policies & procedures are as they are not all the same.

:-)

Regina

[michellemartin]

The night I gave birth the hospital allowed the parents to also have a room. They wanted to do the nighttime feedings and stuff. We had a hospital plan, and also wrote in that negativite remarks could be left unsaid. The parents were treated good as far as I could see. The only bad part was the hospital pics. They wont mail me the pic cause it was an adoption plan, but yet I was tecnically the parent while I was there and feel that I should have that option as every other parent does.

[michellemartin]

Oh... and we were only allowed 2 bracelets so the mom had the other one so she could get her whenever I didnt have her and that worked out pretty good also.

[mroot]

We were in the delivery room when our son was born. In fact, the birthparents wanted the baby to stay in their room the next night, and let me sleep on the pull-out sleeper in their room so I could feed him, change diapers, and bond (my husband slept on the waiting room floor!) The delivery room staff were wonderful!! They brought in extra chairs, and although only 2 are allowed in, they let the birthfather, me and my husband in. I guess it helped that my husband brought in 4 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for all the delivery staff! The delivery room nurse gave me an arm bracelet (at the birthmother's request) giving me access to my son before the bonding papers were signed which caused a bit of a problem with the social worker. The post-partum staff and the nursery staff were a little stand offish, but once the birthmother left the hospital, they were totally different. The charge nurse in the nursery said we could spend as much time with him as we wanted and even gave us a basic child care primer! We went out of our way not to be intrusive and food always helps!

[cathy102]

Well, we missed the delivery of Lexi because T went so fast. We were still at the airport when Lexi was born.. The staff at the hospital treated us so great. They were so excited for us but they treated my daughter's birthfamily like crap!!! I just couldn't believe that because she didn't even sign the surrenders yet...They should of treated T with respect and also her mom..They acted like T's mom wasn't even the grandma.. Boy, I was mad because they would only give 2 bands away and they wanted only my hubby and I to have them and not the birthfamily..grrrrrr!!! That just wasn't right..

With Sean's birth, H didn't want us there, so we went to see him after the surrenders were signed and they were very nice to us. So we had a good experience in CA and FL..

Cathy

[katieb31323]

Hi

We were at the hospital the day after my son was born. The day nurses for the most part went out of there way to ignore us. It was rather like some higherarchy type thing. The "head" nurse said a few unkind words to us early on, so the rest of the nurses just stayed clear. We were allowed to stay in one corner of the nursery area, out of the way. I asked how he did on his hearing test and the nurse said she couldn't tell me as that was private information. Later a different nurse whispered to me that he did fine, not to worry. The night nurses on the other hand were great! He had a male nurse assigned to him the first night that was great. We took him home the next night about 7pm and that nurse was also great and loaded us up with all kinds of goodies. Never got the free diaper bag everyone else got though. Oh well.

Good luck!
Katie

[blessed6]

Our experience was ok. We spent three seperate days in the hospital with Z, as they tried on two seperate occasions to induce her. The third time she went into labor. I had to get permission to go into her room, anytime I came in. This usually involved me having to explain who I was all over again. The staff continually changed and no remembered. One of the ob's was great. The other ob continually asked Z if she was sure that she wanted me there, sure that she wanted to place, etc. It was so uncomfortable as I was sitting right there. I finally spoke with her in the lobby and that helped.
Z roomed in with the baby following delivery. She really held tight to the baby and we couldn't get to close. Her mother works in the hospital and is well known. There was a constant flow of hospital staff stopping in to see Z, her mom and the baby. We felt very out of place and limited our time there. We also wanted Z to have her time alone with the baby.
I do feel that this hospital could have handled the situation better. They are very outdated and don't generally handle maternity well. I knew it would be difficult beforehand, but it was Z's decision to make. She was comfortable and that is what mattered.

[Dublin]

I fell very lucky! I must say that our experience was wonderful. I think maybe it was because of the relationship I had with the birthmom and her Dr. I was there in the delivery room and helped her push. I actually stayed with our birthmom and the baby in the hospital each night. There was a fold down king size bed, we all slept in it the night before we all left to go home. The nurses were wonderful. I had also gone thru lamaze with our birthmom at the hospital she delivered at, so maybe that made a difference too with the nurses. We were also quite open and verbal about the plan with all of the nurses, they all knew what was going on and seemed okay. I think some of them were actually amazed at how we all got along and how our open adoption was working.

[sandymomof2]

When our 1st daughter was born 3 years ago, we were at the hospital but in the waiting room. The birthmom was allowed to have two people in the delivery room with her, and she had her
mom and the birthfather. We saw/held our daughter when she
was about 30 minutes old. When the birthmom was back in her room, I had a nursery bracelet and so did she. The staff was
wonderful to us and to the birthmom. They new about the adoption plan, and the birthmom was allowed to have a 2 person room without a roomie so that her mom or friend could spend the night with her. We would generally stay at the hospital until about 11pm and then go back to the hotel.

When our 2nd daughter was born 7 months ago, we weren't able to get there in time (both daughers were born in other states) since she got to the hospital late and delivered very fast.
We got there later that day.
The birthmom told me she wanted me in the delivery room with her, but it just didn't happen. Her mom was there with her.
The birthmom held onto her baby the whole time she was in the hospital - taking advantage of every minute she had with her.
A totally different scenario than our 1st daughter where the birthmom would ask me if she could hold the baby. Again, the hospital staff was wonderful to us. In this case, however, the birthmom had the baby released to her from the hospital because we were doing a private/independent adoption and she and her mom didn't want all the "system" involved with social workers, etc. So even though everyone knew it was an adoption situation, it was all off the record as far as the hospital was concerned, but we still got all the goodies and the diaper bag!

[Sleepydream]

Our first "almost" adoption was a nightmare. The nurses were so rude to us. I also believed one nurse in particular single handedly talked K into parenting. Soon after delivery we were able to hold the baby for a few minutes, but when it was shift change and when this nurse saw this she told us visiting hours were over (it was only 4pm) and made us leave the hospital. I found out later that she left the baby in the room against Ks wishes and refused to go back in (she had just started a double shift, so that was all evening and all night). The next morning we arrived to make preparations to leave the hospital and were escorted out of there like a couple of kidnappers. Our attorney said she had never seen anything like it.

Our hospital experience with N was great, but we were unable to attend the birth. We arrived the following day and T had already been released. Most of the nurses were great, 1 was a little cold but I think someone must have told her to clam it after she asked us if we really thought T would go through with it because she had been really upset when leaving the hospital (DUH! Who WOULDN'T be????). All in all it was a wonderful experience, it is important to note that particular hospital deals with adoptive and foster placements alot.

[stacyone]

Our experience was up and down... rough w/the social worker (she really didn't like our attorney, but *H*, Molly's bmom, totally gave her a verbal smackdown). Actually, the social worker came back for a 2nd visit. H had already told me about the discussion w/her, so I was ready. When the SW walked in, she found H on the phone, DH feeding the baby, the bdad playing w/one of their boys and me coloring with the other. She just sort of opened and closed her mouth a couple of times and then turned around & left.

The staff was good. We didn't have a bracelet. Molly had to stay in the hospital for a few days because of jaundice and H left her bracelet on until Molly was released, just in case we had any problems with the staff.

[JenCo]

The doctor and the delivery staff were wonderful and everything went well until dd's birthmom was transferred from her L & D room. Once she was settled in we had to constantly explain who we were and why we were there. One nurse in particular did everything she could to talk the bmom into not placing. She kept telling her things like, "You SURE love that baby, don't you?", "She looks SO much like her Daddy!" and "Her Daddy SURE loves her!", etc... even though the "Daddy" had been no where to be found since the day dd was born. ACK! There was another snafu when the WIC representative came by to explain WIC benefits and bmom had to explain that she wouldn't be needing WIC because we were adopting the baby! The rep just stood there sputtering...it was ridiculous. Nurses refused to come to the room when bmom paged them, another nurse manhandled the baby and then told the bmom off when she told her to handle the baby more gently. One evening we were visiting in bmom's room when a woman came by to deliver her dinner tray. We were holding the baby and bmom was in her bed. The dinner delivery person asked, "So, is this your first one?". No one knew how to answer since this was ALL of our first one! LOL! Then she actually said, "So, you gonna give her away???". Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I think she was joking because we all clearly loved the baby....but WHAT a thing to say under the circumstances. We all just stared at her slack jawed and she eventually left.

The head nurse acted like we were there to kidnap the baby and also treated the bmom like she was trash. When the relinquishment papers were finally signed and we were all ready to leave the hospital, the head nurse wouldn't let the bmom leave! She forced her to sit and watch a 45-minute "Parenting" video citing hospital policy. Our caseworker explaned, once again, that the bmom would not be parenting...head nurse basically said "too bad, so sad". It was a living hell. We turned down the volume and just talked instead of watching. When it was finally time to leave the nurse came in and removed the bmom and dd's wristbands and refused to let the bmom take them home. At that point anarchy almost ensued and we felt like we were going to have to break out of the hospital.

As we were leaving...bmom in a wheelchair holding dd in front, Me, DH and our caseworker following behind, and bmom's parents following behind us with a cart of bmom's things...we passed by the window to the nurses station. Every single nurse in the hospital, it seemed, was there staring with their noses pressed to the glass. It was the most unprofessional display I have ever seen.

Jennifer

[spaypets]

Jennifer, I hope someone wrote to the hospital administration and complained. Perhaps you should also write your state hospital licensing board and your state representative. That behavior is inexecusable.

It sounds like maternity ward nurses need some classes in positive adoption language. If the industry won't police itself, it may be up to the legislature to mandate it.