[cathy102]

OMG..Jennifer...That is just horrible.. Like I said, they treated Lexi's birthmom like crap. They knew that T didn't want to see or hold the baby. And guess what they did? They put the baby on T's chest and T freaked out!!! I just couldn't believe they did that to her.. The nursing staff acted like T didn't give birth and they treated me as if I did!!! They treated us better than T and I think that is so wrong.. These hospitals need to get their act together and respect all involved!!!

Cathy

[dutchgirl2]

Great thread!

Well our situation was a little different, in that we never met the bparents. We just got a call out of the blue that we had been chosen for a baby girl born 2 hours ago at a hospital about 4 hours away from us. So my husband and I hightailed it over there and arrived at 10pm that night.
We were treated wonderfully well. They let us right in with the SW. The bmom had specifically requested that I be the first person to hold the baby. She wanted the baby to bond with her new mom immediately (her words). It still makes me cry to think of her saying that...the sacrifice of it all.
So we held our beautiful daughter that night and the nursing staff offered us a room for the night, free of charge so we could help out with feedings if we wanted...which we did of course! Our daughter had been born 5 weeks early so she was in an isolette at the NICU, and she was there for 13 days. So we became well aquainted with the staff and I have nothing but wonderful things to say about them. We were never treated rudely, we were treated like her parents and called mom and dad by them. In fact, that very first night, they had to put a tube in the baby's nose, and we were the ones they came to notify about that, so we wouldn't be shocked to see it when we went in to feed her (through that same tube!).

I can't say how the bp's were treated, but I'd like to think they were treated equally well. I can't imagine they weren't.
Our agency has since asked us to come and talk to a group of nurses about our experience, they also had a lovely bmom come and speak about her experience. In an effort to educate hospital staff about adoption and the language they should use and what kind of things the bp's and ap's need in a situation like that.
Personally I think there should be some mandatory training for delivery and nursing staff. And if it needs to come from an adoption agency, bparents and aparents, then so be it.

Simone

[redhedded]

we wrote a letter to inform the hospital administration. We had a wonderful experience, and I am so sorry for those of you that did not and whose children's birthparents were treated horribly.

We were told that no hospital really has a formal policy and that each nurse, aide, etc. uses her/his discretion of interaction after our commendation of this particular hospital staff. That seems rather unacceptable to me, as there is a clear policy for everything else.

As often stated here, we had to remain 2000 miles from home for 40+ days. We departed the hospital with more accroutrements than could fit into the rental car. They loaned us a nursery bassinet so that we would not have to purchase a pack and play. They provided 40 days of Lipil ready to use with pre-sterilized nipples. They gave us cases of diapers, bath items, and several purchased a special gift, though we had brought everything we could have needed. We have lots of photos with all of the nursery staff and have, after two years, stayed in touch with several of them.

By the way, Simone, I think it is great that the agency asked both a birthmother and you to act as a patient educator. What a compliment and what better way to make a change in the climate.

[dutchgirl2]

Thanks Redhedded.. I have always told the agency they can use our little family for stuff like that. The more we can educate, the better, right?
I'm with you on the amount of stuff they sent home with us too. I needed a whole extra nurse to carry all the lipil, diapers and nipples out to the car with me!
40 days though! Was your baby in the NICU for that long?

simone

[redhedded]

Hi Simone, Oh my peanut was not ever in the NICU. We had a court snafu and were in a state that finalizes immediately, only it wasn't immediate. It was stay or wait two weeks for ICPC then return again. We waited and stayed in a corporate apartment. In the end, it turned out to be the best thing that happened, as the three of us spent this bonding time 2000 miles away from friends and family; my parents did drive across the country for the last week to be with us. In fact, next time (if there is one) we would choose to do it this way; though I think keeping my parents away would be difficult.

[TwinMama2003]

We were allowed to see our boys when they were four hours old. The Labor and Delivery staff were wonderful and very kind to us and the **.

Once the ** was transfered to the maternity ward it was a whole different story. The staff was very cold to the ** and barely spoke to us. When the boys were three days old they were released to us. It was very emotional for us and the **. Their ** and I were crying hysterically. The social worker had us go into the nursery and the nurse on duty handed us the boys and had us leave. It was all very cold and clinical.

What bothered me the most was that the maternity staff told the hospital photographer not to take the boys' pictures. My husband and I brought them to a photo studio when they were six days old and had their pictures taken so that we and the ** would have professional pictures.

I think hospitals should train their staff to be more sensitive to adoption situations. Their ** and I have talked about our treatment at the hospital on many occasions and we were both disgusted with the maternity staffs bad attitudes.

Jody

[mama2aprincess]

We accompanied our birth mother to her prenatal appointments so the hospital doctors got to know us. In addition, the hospital was made aware of the birth plan ahead of time and treated us as if we ourselves were the birth parents. They treated the birth mom with extreme grace and dignity, knowing that she was giving her baby up to us.

They were so wonderful and accomodating, even bending the rules by allowing us to stay overnight at the hospital with our new baby in the room with us the day our daughter was born. Of course, it didn't hurt that we brought a solid 10 pound chocolate bar to the nurses station in Labor and Delivery!