[CaliBrianna]

I am hurting so much and I need some help!! The birth mother of our daughter wants her back!! She called late last night in tears saying she made a mistake. We're supposed to meet her for lunch today and I need some advice. How can I get her to understand how much we love and need Brianna? She's been with us for 2 weeks and we can't let go!! Help!!

[hprestonalexand]

I have no advice because I have never been there, but please know I am praying for you. I know it hurts, I am here if you need to vent, cry, pray or just need a listening ear. I will be praying!!!
Just breath!!!

[ccwasson]

Cali,

I have been in your shoes and it sucks!! That is about all I can say. I hope and pray that all goes in your favor. I will pray for you and your family. I wish you luck.

Christy

[79nic]

Cali,

I am so sorry you're going through this. You must be so scared and worried and upset and hurt...

You asked for advice. I don't have much to give-- I'm a bmom, not an amom-- except this: Keep the focus on the baby. The bmom may end up resenting you or feeling plotted against if the discussion is all about what you need, and she sticks with the placement, and later regrets it.

Ask her if she's getting counseling. Perhaps kindly, gently suggest that she do so. She should revisit all the reasons she made the adoption plan.

Good luck, and (hugs) to you.

Nicole

[Jillalan]

I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

Keep avenues of communication open in case she changes her mind again...I don't know what else to say.

My heart goes out to both you and the birthmother. I just hope she doesn't keep changing her mind. The baby needs stabilty too. That's what I would stress to the birth mother, what is the best for the baby. Can she support, nurture and so on.

Keep us posted please!

[CaliBrianna]

She is getting therapy and we have paid for it. I know she had a hard time at the hospital letting Brianna go but she does need to focus on the reasons she placed. She doesn't have support, she doesn't have any money, the birthdad has been really flaky with their relationship. She wanted an open adoption. She was so sure without any doubts before the birth, then suddenly...

it's like she's a different person.

I want her to be content with us rasing Brianna and I am going to reassure her today. The adoption is open, it will always be open and we're even willing to open it more to include visits.

[heikkila]

This happend to us a year ago and the birthmom took our son back. At the time I was so stunned and grief-stricken that I couldn't think clearly, but I think the advice 79nic gave is good:

"She should revisit all the reasons she made the adoption plan."

We didn't do this and it still bothers me. Aaron's mom does not have any support system and CPS had already removed two of her children from her home before Aaron was born. (They also said they couldn't get involved with this child until she does something to him.) She said she considered adoption because she wanted Aaron to have a better chance in life, but in the end it was "too hard for her" to place him. I still wonder if he is OK and I wonder what the future holds for him. I worry that he will have the same fate as his four other half-siblings who are struggling.


I will be praying for a good outcome to your situation.

Rebecca

[blessedx3]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I've been there. The only difference was that both birth parents had already terminated and could not come back. Well, we received similar phone calls. To make a sad story short, we did give the baby back. It was the hardest decision I've ever made, but for us it was the right decision. We wanted this baby more than ever. She was hoped for, dreamed of and prayed about. I can't give you any advise but I hope that it all works out for you. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that this would happen to us. Good luck to you. I'll be thinking about you.

[Support2Adopt]

I am so sorry you having to go through this. Prayers going out to all invoved. Please let us know how things go.
JJ

[mlbsands]

I am sorry to hear about that.. good luck at your meeting today.. Does she have the ability to change her mind right now?? (meaning is her decision revokable??)??

Please let us know how your lunch goes.

Mandy

[taggrr2]

Oh, how your heart must be broken. We had our little guy for 24 hours when mom's atty called and said she was unable to place. The only thing I can offer is that, if the worst happens, it is excruciating but you will get through it.

For us, we were blessed to be able to see the reasons for the situation and were matched with another young lady who desperately needed a home for her baby.

Best of luck and please let us know what happened.

[amom4life]

It is devastating when this happens and I'm sorry you are facing it now.

The expectant mother in our first match changed her mind the day after her son was born. This was after we were in the room with her and watched his birth and held him, named him. That was hard enough so I can imagine the deep pain after taking your child home and being her mommy for any amount of time.

What got us through that time is our faith and trust in God. I don't know what we would have done without Him. He gave us peace, He healed our hearts, and made it possible to move on. Now we know why...our beautiful son who was born just one month after this happened.

The pain from that experience is now a distant memory and we pray for the mother and her son. We still think of them and wish them well.

I don't know how this will go for you and you're family but I will be praying and thinking of you all.
HUGS,
Judy

[beautyqueen]

I am so so sorry for what you are going through. Please keep us posted.

[blessed6]

We were in your position a month ago! It was the hardest thing I have ever been through! Our story is so similar to yours! We had a great relationship with our dd's birthmom. We went to ob appts. and were present for the delivery. She always told us how sure she was of her decision. After the birth, Z clung to the baby. She held her the entire time she was in the hospital. The morning she was to be released, she got hysterical. Her counselors came to talk to her and she ended up handing us the baby. She said she knew she was doing the right thing and had no doubts, but was very emotional. She then went on vacation.

She called while she was away. She kept thanking us and telling us how glad she was about how things worked out. When she came back, she arranged to meet with our lawyer to sign the consent. She asked to see the baby, so I thought it would be good to do this at the same time. When I got to the meeting, the lawyer came out and told me to take the baby and run! She said Z was refusing to sign the consent and wanted the baby back now! I was in total shock!!! I tried to remain calm. The lawyer held the baby while I went to in to talk with Z. She refused to speak to me. She was like a different person. She only said that she made a mistake and had to have the baby back. I focused on her needs and the baby's. I asked her what her plans were. She had no place to live with the baby, no job, etc. She said she just needed time. She would call when she was ready. She then spent some time with the baby.

Our lawyer told us that it was over. She said Z would never sign the consent and to prepare to hand the baby over or fight for custody. Z's mother called to tell us Z was looking for a place to live with the baby. We spent over a week not knowing when or if Z would show up at our door. It was so hard!!! I held tight to our beautiful baby and my faith!

Z met with her birthparent counselor and then called us to tell us that she had signed the consent and it was in the mail. We were thrilled and surprised! The counselor really helped her to put things into perspective. We are so thankful for this counselor! She has been such a huge support to Z and to us, as we build our relationship with Z.

We had a 30 day waiting period after the consent was signed. The 30 days were up last week!!! We have really come far in such a short time! Z is healing and so much calmer. She emails every few days. She is enjoying vacationing and really looking forward to her senior year. She is getting to be a kid! I love talking to her! It is so wonderful to hear her happy and planning for her future! We get to see her in a couple weeks and I can't wait!

There were moments I thought our situation would never work out! I know what you are going through and how you feel! Please hang in there and keep the faith! I will be praying for you and look forward to your update! Let me know if I can be of any support!

[CaliBrianna]

Thanks for all the support. I am so sorry for those who lost the baby. Blessed6 -- you are truly blessed! Thanks for sharing your inspiring story.

We just arrived home from meeting with J - it was so strange.
In the first part of the meeting, she was cold and uncaring.
She just was adamant that she wanted Bri back. She said she had prepared a written request for the judge to have her back.
(she's stil within legal time to do this!!!!)

I kept sitting there looking at her and thinking, how will she care for Bri? She has nothing. So I asked her to go over all the reasons she chose to place in the first place and we did.
She ended up crying and saying she was sorry for hurting us.
I felt really bad, I don't want her concern to be us, I want her
concern to be Brianna.

We all agreed to a more open adoption that will include visits,
she's very happy with that but she says she is still not sure
if she's going through with it and she needs time to think.
We also exchanged email addresses. In the beginning I had thought our contact would be more personal with telephone contact but she would like to have email contact as well.

When we drove her home, we all hugged and she
walked up her steps in tears. I have a feeling this isn't the end.
I have a feeling we'll have to go through this again, God give me strength to make it to the end!!

Please keep J in your thoughts and prayers. I hope God will send her comfort.