[heikkila]

An interesting question came up on another thread and I want to get some feedback from adoptees out there (but of course others are welcome to join in!)

Here's the thought...

Adoptees have a biological heritage and an adopted family's heritage. Which one do they claim as their own? Is it possible for them to claim both?

I feel like my children are entitled to everything I have - including my heritage - should THEY CHOOSE to claim it. The fact that I adopted them does not make them somehow less than "real" members of my family tree. And if someday my Guatemalan daugher or Caucasian/Native American son consider themselves connected to Scandinavian heritage in some way they welcomed to it. I have never been to Norway or Denmark, but I grew up in a house with those traditions, so I claim it as mine. My children are growing up with those traditions, but they are growing up with traditions from their own cultures as well.


My children come from their own rich biological heritage which we are lucky enough to know about. We tell them about their heritage and celebrate it as THEIRS. We fullly expect them to claim that, because the adoption did not change the essence of who they are and where they came from.

I am hoping my kids can claim parts of all the cultures celebrated at our house, but it may not be that simple. I just don't want to force something on them that doesn't fit.

OK...ready for feedback. Thanks for listing to the rambling thoughts of an adoptive mom.

Rebecca

[MommyRagan]

Hope you don't mind if I join in. I've thought about this too. I'm LDS and we believe that families (biological or adoptive) can be sealed for eternity. My oldest son was adopted by my dh and sealed to both of us, meaning that as far as our religion is concerned he then took on my husband's heritage, and for me that was the end of it. Now we are in the process of adopting our fd and have agreed to maintain contact with her bfather, and I'm realizing that is not the end of it. Just because our religion teaches one thing, doesn't mean that our children won't want to be just as informed about their biological heritage. I would be very interested in how other adoptee's feel about this topic.

Hi there,

as an adoptee I was brought up learning and living my italion/american culture. I heard all the stories, ate all the food, and just lived that culture. I loved it and so enjoyed learning about it. I loved learning how great grandfather was a tailor in Italy and my grandfather came to america with those skills. I loved hearing how moms side was from the north..hence the blonde, blue eyed grandfather and aunt, Dads side was further south and more dark . I enjoyed it all...but I also knew that my "blood" was of a different culture. I was not brought up with it and I did not expect my aparents to teach it to me. I use to say my blood idsirish /english...but I think italian. LOL

I do want to hear about my inherited culture but I want to or wanted hear about it from my bioparents.

Which one is more important...neither!!

[mxdad418]

Good question Rebecca...As an adoptee close to 51 and brought up in an Italian Household, i have to say i belong to the Italians. My Heritage, ancestry and medical from my B-Parents is just that.
Answers which i have searched for all these years. I have the memories of my grandparents speaking Italian to the other aunts and uncles at family dinners and celebrations. I have the religious upbringing my parents wanted my sister and I to have. I have numerous cousins and nephews who i have grown up with.
These are to me the things which make "My" heritage. My other heritage is closure from all the years of wondering who i look like, why i have the features i have (Not Italian features). What did my ancesters do for a living and where did they live among other things. Thats all it is to me anymore, closure. Answers to questions i can pass on to my children.

Thats just MO....

Mark 08-17-53

[NaturalMomma]

Heritage is your blood. It is your ancestry, your lineage, your roots. You simply cannot change your ancestry or your DNA, regardless of modern day legalities. Geneology is huge. We don't know the people we are learning about, but they are still our blood. They are our ancestors and this is why we want to learn about them. I don't have nearly as much interest in my aparents lineage as I do mine!

Scientists are finding that personality and intelligence are at least 70% genetic. Physical traits are wholly genetic. I honor this as a very significant part of ME.

My heritage is German/Czech, even though I was raised with English/Scottish. I identify with both groups, but I am still only German/Czech. I know that adoption made me the legal child of my amom and adad, but that doesn't change my heritage and birthright. I know how their culture is, I love them, I love their heritage, but it simply is not mine and I would never claim it to be.
A legal procedure will never change who I am or make me feel as if I should claim a bloodline that simply is not mine to claim.

[sonata]

I was brought up by my green-eyed, porcelain skinned, fine boned adoptive mother being told that I was half English (her side) and half Polish (my adoptive dad's side). As if just saying it made it a fact!

I have dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin. When I found my birthfamily a couple of years ago, I found out that I was - surprise - a fullblooded third generation Italian! Well do the math. Which "heritage" is mine?

Like many adoptees I always hated the dreaded "family tree" project in school. My ancestors did NOT have a family castle in England (but my adoptive mother's did!) My great grandparents did NOT come here from Poland (but my adoptive dad's grandparents did!)

Also, like many adoptees I feel like a person with no clear heritage. Being Italian - or anything else - is as much a state of mind as a state of genetics. Although I am technically of Italian descent I don't know how to "be" Italian-American. I grew up in the South and can count the number of Italians I've ever known on one hand with fingers left over!

Maybe the adoptee on this thread who grew up as an Italian-American can give me some pointers!

Don't know if this answered the question. In adoption situations there are rarely cut-and-dried answers to questions like that! Best wishes, Sonata

Dang sonata...you should come to Boston..I'll show you the NOrth end...the italian section of Boston, I will have you meet my adad...very italian....I will have you meet my friend whose mom was born in Italy, I will have you meet my in laws who are very italian (well maybe just a short visit)....I will teach how to make good meatballs and "gravy"..thats about ALL I know how to cook thats real italian!!! There is alot of great stuff to learn!!! Nope we are not all Mafia...LOL( you notice I said we...)

Donna

[Opus]

Its absolutely possible for adopted people to claim both their biological and adoptive families' heritages. Of course, its a no brainer that you can't change your DNA but we can embrace and celebrate all of the cultures which make up our families whether they are genetic or not.

In our family, we are Irish, Italian, Portuguese, Guatemalen, African American and Puerto Rican. We explore all of our ethnicities as a family. A family member, an adult adoptee, views her heritage similar to Mxdad. She sees herself as a synthesis of her adoptive family's Russian-Jewish background and her biological family's Italian Catholic ancestry.

Naturalmama - I'm glad you mentioned those studies, I've been researching the whole nature vs nuture debate for some time now. Would you mind sending me your references? You can PM if you'd like.

[Opus]

The North End! We had dinner there on the 4th at La Famiglia, lots of meatballs, pasta and "gravy". I'll never forget when I had dinner at my Italian inlaws for the 1st time and they asked me to pass the "gravy". Growing up in my family gravy was brown and you put it on meat. I had no idea they wanted the bowl of red sauce next to me, LOL.

[Shoshana]

I'll try to answer your question re 'nature/nurture.'' From what I've read, the "proportion" of personality generally attributed to genetics is about 60% and 40% to environment. This number is based on metanalyses of all studies with good methodologies. Yes, some studies have found 70%, some 80%, and some 30%. So all of the studies are put into a statistical pot, so to speak, and re-analyzed. That's where the 60/40 split comes from. Intelligence falls in the same ball park, although what is said to be inherited here is a 'reaction-range' where the environment can either significantly raise or lower the raw material.

Many people feel the nature/nurture controversy is just dualism again, rearing it's unsolvable mysterious head. The fact is that the relationshp between gentics and environment is a reciprocal one, with both influencing the other.

A excellent secondary source that is clearly written comes from a classic personality text book. The info above is from the chapter on the biological bases of personality. The 8th edition is currently in use, but I'll bet you could find the 7th edition on Amazon that would still be useful. It would take pages of references to supply all of the original works so the book chapter would be a good place to start.

Liebert, R. M., & Liebert, L. L., (1998). Liebert & Speigler’s Personality:
Strategies and Issues, 8th ed. Brooks/Cole Publishing Co., Pacific Grove, CA.

[mel452]

My birthparents were English (dad was a British sailor) and German (mom was english and german). My adoptive parents are English and French Canadian. I claim all. I can see my German physical characteristics and I make a mean French Pork Pie. As an adoptee I have the privilige of having the best of both worlds, biological heritage and characterists and cultural heritage from my adoptive parents. It's great and I'm proud of both.

[3girls1boy]

The only heritage I feel any tie to is Irish. I have Norwegian, Welsh and German, but my grandfather was born in Ireland. St Patrick's Day was a big deal- the war in Ireland was a big deal. My husband has no real ethnic ties. So we adopted our first child and I carried on the tradition of making a big deal about being Irish. Last year I mentioned that her bfamily was French Canadian and Czech. Ever since then she has identified herself as French Canadian and considers Quebec the motherland. Now I think Alanias Morrisette being Canadian may have influenced her, she is 12. But I think this is a way for her to embrace her biological heritage and make herself unique- something we all want as teenagers.

[mj77]

This is such an interesting thread. My son was adopted at 13 mo. through our state DHS. I know almost nothing about his herritige. All I have is last names from the bparents. I can make my best guess for my son by tracing the last names to see where they originated (Which would make him most likely Scottish/Irish, English, and possibly French). Though I am primarily German and my dh Swedish, I could never say this was my son's herritige. I hardly understand it as mine being I have only lived in the U.S. As far as I'm concerned I am plain old American born and raised. Not that his herritige might not interest him, I just don't know what else to tell him should one day he want to know.

As far as family trees go, a friend shared a great idea of drawing out a tree and it's roots. In spaces at the branched out roots, write in his bio-family then as the tree grows, write us in. I thought it was a neat idea.

Melissa

[BlueAngelAu]

Religion I think Adoptees can claim. Culture, they can adopt the cultures ect. Most things they can claim.

But seriously..... If say you are a Chinnese couple and you adopt an African American while living in America, you can't say that, that child who is growing up in America, has Chinnese Herritage!

Herritage is a blood line, or the place you grow up.

But there are limits, you can't call someone something that they are just simply not.

Blue

[spaypets]

I've thought about this a lot because my daughter was born in India, so her ethnicity is visible to all the world.

And while I can give acknowledgement to her heritage by teaching her about India, surrounding ourselves with Indian images, cooking Indian food, observing some Indian holidays, participating in culture camps, there simply is no way I can raise her the way Indian families raise children because we weren't raised that way.

The fact is that she is being raised in a Jewish home with middle class/rural values. That will be her primary culture because its woven into everything we do, from the songs I sing at bedtime, to the stories we read to the holidays we share with extended family.

I would never ignore her heritage--to the point that we are seriously considering spending a year in India when she is older (haven't figured out how we'll swing it, but it's a dream). But when she goes to college she will simply have more in common with the kids at Hillel than the kids in the Indian student club.