[Scarlett2003]

I,m writing asking adoptive parents how they would feel if adopted children grow up and choose to legalize relationship with natural mother , by having natural mother adopt them back. Comments welcome.

[heikkila]

I have to be honest, I would be very hurt by that. It seems to me that would be an extreme rejection by a person you've spent a lot of time caring about.

I am an adoptive parent. I have one open adoption and one closed adoption. I have a good relationship with my son's birthmom and I respect his relationship with her. I think she also respects my relationship with him; I would have a hard time believeing that she would think that re-adopting him as an adult would be appropriate and I can't see her encouraging that.

My daughter's adoption is closed, mainly because it was an international adoption. We purposely adopted from a country where we know the birthmom's name and where she lives so that someday our daughter might be able to contact her. I also doubt this would be a situation where either of them would see adult re-adoption would be appropriate.

I can't help wondering what might cause a situation for adult readoption like you mention. Legal adoption just a piece of paper - after that it's a lifetime of work building relationships - so if people are relying on a complex legal process to heal some past hurt, I'm afraid that might lead to further disappointment. I would rather see some time spent building better relationships, maybe even with the help of a counselor.

My opinion only.

Rebecca

[riley6]

It would crush me!

[mamatokay]

I agree with the above posts......

I would have to wonder why an adult child would want to be adopted by his bparent after their aparents had spent a lifetime raising them. There is so much more to being an adoptive parent then just a name change....I know in my case I have poured my life into my adaughter....I have been through thick and thin with her and we are now starting the turbulant teen years...yes she just turned 13...and thinks she is 21..lol...she was adopted from the foster care system, placed with us when she was 2 and adoption final after she was 5 years old....we have been through many ups and downs with her birthmother.....but all in all my daughter refers to me as her "MOM".

Its not the legal paper that makes a parent its the love, time invested and day to day parenting that makes a parent, so again, I would have to wonder if this question is because you are in this situation, or you are hoping this will happen?

Just my $.02

[lewellen]

I think what you are speaking of is a extermely rare situation. Speaking for myself, a reunited adoptee, I was never looking for new parents. I'm a grown up. At this stage in my life my a-parents need me more than I need them. I would think that anyone that wanted to be "readopted" would be looking for something that just doesn't exist. Yes, I adknowledge my b-family and treat them as such, but there is no mistaking who raised me.

Anyone who would want to do this, most likely needs help dealing with a painful childhood. Readoption cannot change this. You are always going to be what you are, a combination of enviroment and geneitcs, for sure, but you can't make up for the past legally.

I would think unless the adoptive parent was abusive, they would have every right to feel very hurt.

LewEllen

[BrandyHagz]

Anyone who would want to do this, most likely needs help dealing with a painful childhood. Readoption cannot change this.

This is something I have been exploring for a few years…not because I want to create the facade of a mother/daughter relationship, but because I don’t want the people listed on my birth certificate to have any legal say in any aspect of my life or death.

I naively thought that marriage would sever the legal say the people who adopted me had over me, but look at the Terry Schiavo case in Florida…

After discussing all of these issues with an attorney, and my husband, I’ve almost decided to move in the direction of adult adoption.

The people who adopted me have never played a role in being my parents, I just want to make sure when it comes down to it, they never have to (or have the chance to, I guess).

[lewellen]

Brandy,


I'm familiar with your story, and you bring up a good point. The Florida case disturbed me also, not so much for myself, but my husband. My a-family would respect my and my husband's wishes. His parents would be another story. We both have advance directives signed and kept with our family doctor. I was told this should be enough. Is this not correct? Please advise, The thought of my husband in that shape for years disturbs me much more than the thought of his death.


LewEllen

[BrandyHagz]

I was advised that in the days of “Litigate Everything” that even if you have advanced directives, anyone with any legal barring can contest, and tie up matters for months or even years.

In my case, I think it’s a “better safe than sorry” type thing…

[clurock]

"Terry Schiavo case in Florida"

I guess I am really out of the loop. what is this case about?

My answer to the above. I would be heartbroken!

Christa

[Shoshana]

Before I could begin to formulate an answer to you question, I'd need to know the context in which you were asking or if the question were hypothetical.

[heikkila]

In that case, I am wondering if legal emancipation would be an option. (I am not an attorney, so I have no idea what would be involved in something like that!) Emancipation would sever all legal ties I think. It sounds like readoption just puts another person on your birth certificate and in the position to make decisions for you.

I am so sorry to hear anytime when an adoptive family and adoptee aren't sucessful in their family relationship. It must be so painful for everyone.

Rebecca

[BrandyHagz]

Terry Schiavo's case is a right to die case currently being litigated in Florida.

Her husband is fighting her parents in order to fulfill Terry's verbal affirmation that she not be allowed to live her life in a vegetative state, should that ever become the case.

Her parents are fighting to keep her alive in a fully vegetative state, regardless of her own wishes…which her husband has been fighting to fulfill.

[BrandyHagz]

Emancipation allows a minor child to make his or her own decisions as an adult. Emancipation isn’t something that would help in the types of incidents that I am talking about avoiding…in addition, emancipation isn’t something that an adult can file for…they are already emancipated from their parents…but that doesn’t sever the “next of kin” tie.

[heikkila]

Thanks for clarifying the emancipation thing. Like I said, I'm not a lawyer.

Again, I want to say how sorry I am that your adoptive family isn't good to you. No one deserves that.

Rebecca

[amom4life]

I don't feel comfortable answering your question without knowing why you're asking. So could you please elaborate for us a little?
Thanks,
Judy