[mlbsands]

Hello.. we have a 15 year old foster daughter (will be 16 in Oct). She came to us about a year ago.

Well recently we have been talking about adopting her and then last night she asked me if we would consider adopting her..

he basic situation is that she came to us from her adoptive family as her bio mon had her rights terminated and bio father is unk. The adoptive family has not tried to have her come back in the last year and have openly stated that they do not want her back (even thought they have her sister)..

Her "plan" is perm foster care/independant living.. they said that due to her age they will not try to TPR the adoptive parents as she is considered "hard to adopt" and they do not want to make "legal orphans".. all this I totally understand..

The other thing is this.. with being a foster child she gets FULL RIDE to college or trade school for 4 years!!!!! this includes living expenses, tuition, books, etc.. This is wonderful and we have been encouraging her to take full advantage of this (so have her social workers).

we would love to adopt her, but at the same time.. we would hate for her to miss out on this opportuinty. we would of course help her with school, but we would not be able to provide as much help as they are, and she would end up with student loans.. I think this will discourage her from going..

So.. we have some calls into her workers to get info.. but I also figured I would ask here. does anyone know if when you adopt an older child if they would still let her keep those benefits?

Thanks

mandy

[katieb31323]

Hi

sounds like you are doing some checking in the right direction and from someone who is still paying student loans, a full ride would be REALLY hard to give up.

Maybe you could informally "adopt her", have your own ceremony and whatnot. My husband has a brother and sister that joined their family as teenage foster kids and were never legally adopted. They are now in their 40's and definately consider my dh parents their parents and kids' Grandparents. they are "in" in there own special way.

Good luck
Katie

[numbr1dbcksfan]

That's a great idea.... and then maybe you can do an adult adoption after she turns 18(to make it official).... One would think that certainly wouldnt counteract her benefits.....

[mlbsands]

Thanks Ladies.. we were actually thinking fo the same thing (adopt her "Officially" after she uses her benefits) so we are going to run all that thru..

She actually liked that idea as well.. but wants our last name NOW and wanted to know if she could dtart using it right away.. We have no problem with that.. but she said at school she feels bad that her parents (us) have a different last name than her.. Does anyone know if we can get the school to use our last name?? (I am guessing not, but thought I would check)

Mandy

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Well... maybe you could ask them to use yours and put her actual last name in parenthesis. But really that is a lot of work for not a big deal.... (I mean sure its a big deal to her feelings...but in the big picture it isnt...) I think schools are required to use their legal name..... but teachers have their own books and can easily make a note to themselves as long as they turn the grade in for the right person....

[katieb31323]

As a former teacher I wouldn't have had any problem using the last name she wanted to use in the classroom (kind of like nicknames...I mean some of the monikers kids got stuck with, nicknames were a blessing!) On all the legal stuff she would probably have to use the legal name still. Good luck! It sounds like she has definately found her forever home and that is truely wonderful, no matter what name she has to use!

katie

[riley6]

You CAN have a permanent foster child's name changed to yours, or add your name to theirs and they can keep both last names. You have to have DCFS approve it then go to court and have a judge order it.

[Howdy]

Unless they changed the law in the past 35 yrs, in my 9th grade civics class we were taught that as long as it isn't for illegal purposes (fraud), that anyone can legally use another name. I had a lot of fun after we learned that, using different names. Then when I was in college I legally changed my name for free because I had no income and qualified for free legal help. I didn't have to go to court or anything, just spoke to the legal aid lawyer, they submitted the paperwork to the court, and I got my new name.
Got a little awkward after I eventually had changed my name twice and then got a job that required bringing in two pieces of id, and my birth certificate, social security card, and passport were all in different names! But one job interview I got just because the interviewer wanted to meet someone with three names (for past jobs and stuff). My brother started calling me 'AKA'.
I'm not sure how being underage would affect it, but maybe you can get her last name legally changed without adopting her.

[Anigel]

I don't know what state your in, but in Florida all the children previously or currently in foster care get 4 years at a state school, college, tech, whatever, after HS grad. That means any children DH and I adopt from DCF get that free tuition. Maybe your state is similiar? I hope! I think they've gone to this in FL to prevent oldren children from NOT being adopted, or children that would rather have the free schooling than a family. That's an extremely difficult situation to face, as I'm sure you know for going through it.

Ani~

[meredithmc]

I, too, am from Florida where our children who were adopted out of foster care receive those benefits. I don't know, I am a big believer in education, but, I'm hearing a child who really seems to want a family. It is about more than a name. It is about knowing that this is for real. You are not going to leave her or give her back. Giving her that is perhaps worth the risk of covering more of the cost of her education. I'm just thinking, at 15 years old, what has she already had to go through in her life? What was so bad that her parents lost their rights? And then, as if the abuse, and the tearing apart of her family wasn't bad enough...she was adopted, then given back to DCF? Talk about abandonment issues. Is free tuition worth not giving her permanency now, instead of later? That said, I know it's a tough call. We have a 20 year old daughter, that came to us as a foster child at the age of 17. She was on house arrest waiting to go into a juvinielle program. She'd been abandoned and rejected more times than I can count. We made a connection, and a commitment to her when everyone else had written her off. She turned 18 before she got out of her program. Adoption was never an option because she still has a relationship with her mom, and rights were never terminated. But she is ours, and she knows it. In her case, the name change didn't matter. What mattered was that time after time we were still there loving her. We are a family even though the courts never ordained it. She refers to us as her parents, though she calls us by our first names. She even seems to forget that I'm not really her Mom. The other day she walked in on me when I was changing and I got on her about knocking first. She said, "it's no big deal, you gave birth to me..." I replied, "I did? I must not have noticed, I was too busy going to junior high." The big difference is that Dom'Nquie never asked to be adopted. I just asked her what she thought...interesting...her vote is to sit her down explain the situation, that you love her and she belongs in your family, but you don't want her to lose her benefits. Shows what I know .
Meredith

[mlbsands]

Thanks for all the great information we are going to look into things.. I am not hopeful that we will be able to adopt prior to her being 18 (unless her adoptive parents agree to it, which I doubt they will).. But we have told ehr that no matter what the legal paperwork says.. she is our daughter and we will always be here for her.. she does want to be adopted.. but she says its ok to wait so that she does not have to go thru any issues her adoptive family may cause and she wants to be able to get her education benefits.. but what she wants RIGHT NOW is to NOT have her adoptive families name.. So.. will all of your information we are going to look into what we can.. I will keep everyone posted.. THANKS

[Crane13]

How would I find out what states offer tuition for foster and older adopted children? My husband and I are in our mid twenties, and possibly adopting a high school age boy. We are still paying off most of our own school... and paying for his will be very overwhelming. (But we will do it!) We live in Illinois, but the child is in foster care in Missouri. Any one know anything?

Mandy, that child would be very lucky to have you as a forever home, no matter what the legalities are. Is she excited about the other child on the way?

Jill

[meredithmc]

Jill,
Are you working with an adoptions counselor in Illinois or Missouri? Whichever, that would be the person to talk with. I'm not sure how the interstate issue affects things. Here in Florida we are eligible to receive an adoptions subsidy(80% of the current board rate at the time of adoption), medicaid until they are out of school, tuition remission for a state university, college, or technical school, and in the event of special needs additional subsidies for medical expenses or therapies not otherwise covered. Your adoption couselor is the one to tell you about the benefits in this case.
Meredith