[wishing4real]

I have been lurking around this forum for some time, gaining strength from the wonderful, kind people here. It is so reassuing to read the heartfelt posts, I guess because they give strength, knowing I am not alone in this.

I am currently in the adoption process as many of you are and it is driving me crazy. We were matched in May, after a fairly short wait. And now I am a mess.

The wait between match and placement seems longer than I ever imagined. The days drag on like they are never going to end. I think about our baby girl first thing in the morning and then all day long. Then I toss and turn and try to get all my thoughts, questions and worries out of my head so I can finally sleep. Then luckily I get up and do it all over again the next day.

I tend to believe the wait between match and placement is the worst. We love this little girl so much and can't bare the thought of losing her. I just want a final answer. A baby layed in my arms that cannot be taken away. How do you get through this without going crazy?

When I hear "waiting" I feel like I am still included in the "waiting" part of the process. Which wait is worse?

[LisaCA]

hi,

we've been presented with a few possible matches, but at the beginning of the week we were presented with a perfect match. Of course since we said to our facilitator "let's go for it!," time has screeched to a halt. She's due july 15 th, but you'd think it was july 15, 2005 the way time is creeping by. My hat is off to folks who have been able to deal with it and who have been matched for months:-). Not enough prozac on the planet for us to deal with a 4+ month wait. Still, the bmom may change her mind and that's okay for us since we're waiting to speak to bmom (now it's just a hypothetical even though she picked our brochure and wouldn't even consider any others). for us, the fact that it seems so perfect means it will crash and burn, but we tend to be pessimists (that way if it turns out okay, well, great! and if it doesn't, we knew it was too good to be true:-). amazing how life is:-).

I guess if everyone else made it thru we can too...

lisaCA

[DebCsMom]

Ahhh, the "WAIT"!! Longest part of the adoption?? Up to that point it is! LOL The wait is a terrible thing to endure but...it's now time to prepare. Get your head together & your HEART. Try to get prepared for whatever may happen. This is the happiest time in your life...SO FAR!

If you think the wait for the baby to be born is long wait to see how long it seems to take for the Birth Mom to relinguish!! LOL Even 24 hours will seem like 24 years!!!!!!!!

GOOD LUCK & keep us posted!!

Deb

[wishing4real]

Thanks guys. Sounds like you know exactly what I mean. We have met the bmom and she is just adorable. She has placed before, so she is emotionally prepared for what is coming, but it still doesn't make the possibility of her changing her mind any easier to deal with.

I just can't wait to know for sure if this little baby girl is the one who is meant to make our family complete.

In terms of taking time to prepare -- are you kidding? I am out of control!! I hope I have enough to pay for the remainder of our fees. I can't control my self. I know I should be careful, because it is not for sure until she signs, but I cannot help my self. Our nursery is pink, the closet is filled with newborn and 3 mo. clothes - all pink. I think buying, planning and nesting is the only thing that has kept me sane!!!

And reading the posts here. It is so nice hearing from others who have made it through what seems to be the hardest and most emotional time in my life - both exciting and scary. I can be a little pessimistic myself, but that has flown out the window here, and has unfortunately opened our hearts to a world of hurt.

It seems as though we are all waiting for something, so for now, I will continue to wait for this.

How do you spend your days? What has/does help you keep it all together?

[mellosS]

I honestly can say I know how you feel. We didn't go through an agency, but we found our bmom in April. The baby isn't due until SEPT. This has been the longest few months of my life! I was just thinking about how I used to go into the baby section of stores simply to buy gifts and help out a friend who needed an opinion. Now it seems I navigate through every store and find myself solely in the baby sections. I will wander sometimes for over an hour just looking for something I may have missed in my past 100 visits. Nesting, oh man am I ever. I actually cleaned al;l of the baseboards in my house with a toothbrush the other day. I tell myself that this is completely normal, but sometimes I wonder. I too am glad to have found this site. I find myself asking anyone and everyone who will listen tons of questions about baby stuff. You are all great! Ihope that your wait doesn't drive you crazy, and just wanted you to know that there are others in it with you.

[Vanabelle]

I too am waiting....NOT so patiently.......I am just going out of my mind .......Our son is due July 15th. However, birthmom is dilated 1 1/2 but has been for a week. Hope he comes soon.....I need some sanity in my life.....lol I love this site and it has helped me so much....

[wishing4real]

mellosS - 5 mos!!! That is longer than mine. Our daughter is due late Aug, but will be taken near the 1st week of Aug for bmom and baby health reasons. We have 3-6 weeks left and I too navigate the baby section over and over again . . . and over again. When dh happens to be with me he humms the Jaws song, referring to my circling motion prior to going in for the kill (you know when you actually do find that perfect item that you missed on the first 5 times down the isle and snatch it with an extra happy grab!). That makes the repeat trips worth it!! The nice thing is lady at a local baby store told me they are getting fall stuff in now - at least it will offer all of us a change of scenery . . . even if it is temporary!

Vanabelle - you have such a short time now. Just weeks - or maybe even sooner it sounds like. I wish you much luck over the coming weeks. I hope you have the beautiful, healthy baby you have been waiting for and already love!!!

[Vanabelle]

Thank you...August22Caitlyn...We were matched in Mid-April and finally talked to ** mid-May. We are just getting down to the wire and I really am scared, nervous and excited all at the same time. I too frequent the baby sections and my husband jokes....."Did we not buy something for the baby today?"......I hope your wait gets better also as you get closer to your day!

[LisaCA]

deb-very funny about the relinquishment. I'd forgotten all about that!

hey here's what I've been doing to avoid going broke. You can't imagine how much baby stuff is floating out there in the cosmos. Mention to a few folks that you're having a baby and swoosh! boxes of stuff appear instantly. Also, most families are awash in baby goods, so check out the garage sales. We've found a ton of stuff-one particularly lucrative find was a poor mom with twin girls-two of everything!

also check out resale stores. One of ours had a summer sale, all clothes one dollar. We scored at least 450 dollars worth of stuff for a mere 42 bucks! Dh is in love with me all over again with the savings- and we compete for the cheapest, best find. I'm winning so far- a nice pair of knit pants at target for a whopping 71cents on the clearance rack!

anyway, this allows me to get that baby spending thing going but also save money. Baby clothes only wear out when you've reused them three or four times. Newborns do not wear out their clothes and the stuff we have looks brand new. Makes me feel better about the hideously expensive stroller I want to buy. Oh and don't forget to sign up for the freebie baby formula. we're getting tons of this stuff coming in, and it comes with free coupons for more stuff (including a 5 dollar discount at babiesrus).

best of luck guys,

LisaCA

[Vanabelle]

Great ideas for saving money.........How can I find out about the Freebie Baby formula? Thanks in advance

[ncdean]

To get coupons and samples for formula and diapers, just go to all of the name brand websites. (Huggies, Pampers, Enfamil, Similac, Johnson & Johnson, etc...) I personally signed up with Enfamil and had my mom, sister, cousin, etc... sign up too. For the first year of my son's life I ALWAYS had a coupon (ranging from $1 off up to $10 off) for every can of formula I bought. I also ALWAYS have coupon for diapers and wipes. Another thing to think about, if you are at the hospital when they baby is born, mention that you are adopting the baby and you usually get tons for stuff from them too. It depends on how "adoption friendly" the hospital is. My son was born at a very "adoption friendly" hospital. They even gave us a room across from the nursery for the whole time he was in the hospital. The social worker at the hospital helped us to get tons of those single serving pre-made formula bottles (great for when you are in a hotel room waiting for the Interstate Compact Agreement to go through - we had enough to last us 2 whole weeks), diapers, wipes, and coupons. I just thought I would mention that. Good luck to all of you and congrats!

[LisaCA]

carnationbaby.com
welcomeaddition.com
enfamil.com
verybestbaby.com
brightbeginnings.com

these are the few I know about, but there are other freebies beyond free food such as the various diaper webpages.

they are all lusting after our cash, since you'll spend hundreds of dollars on baby food and diapers before the kid eats real food.

oh and I forgot my other hobby: pricing things like formula and diapers. You'll find a variety of prices.

have fun,

LisaCA

[ncdean]

I forgot one more... Gerber. I know that your baby will not be eating solids yet, but it is never too early to sign up for things like that. I also still get tons of coupon from Gerber for anything from baby food to bowls to baby wash.

And it is worth it to look into warehouses like Sam's Club. A lot of time they have cheaper items. Just make sure that bulk really is cheaper. Sometimes it is not. When there is a great sale - stock up. That way you will never have to run out for diapers, wipes, formula at 3am. And always make sure that you have baby Tylenol and saline drops on hand. Babies always seem to get sick in the middle of the night.

[Vanabelle]

Thank you Lisa and NCDEAN for all the info

NCDean when did you complete your adoption? Just wondering what other amom's experiences where during the hospital stay and the ICPC wait. Our birthmother hasn't decided if she wants to even met us and she goes back and forth with her decisions so everything is pretty much up in the air.....which makes it difficult. But my hubby and I are pretty easy going and will just go with the flow.

Thanks Again

[twggy]

We're going bananas. We've been matched since April and she is due in NOVEMBER!!!!! It's only July!

I've been looking at baby fabrics -- friends are coming in the next couple of weeks to help with the nursery. That's my current obsession to distract me.

My husband is spending the wait by painting the interior of the house on the weekends. I help some with that as well as shopping for baby things. We finally bought a baby bed and changing table at a resale shop.

We both work full time but I have the WORST time concentrating and getting anything done. I get my responsibilities done and the things I feel passionately about but not too much initiative in any other areas.

We're also riding the rollercoaster ride of the chance of the expectant mom or dad changing their minds. Trying to think positively and really plan as if they are going to follow through with the adoption plan.

Thanks for the advice on formula. I'll definitely be following up on that.

Any of you concerned about the baby getting colustrum? Is that something I just need to not worry about?

It's all so overwhelming. My stress level is crazy wild and we've got a long way to go. Any suggestions would be helpful!!

I, too, want to nest and buy tons of stuff, but feel like I need to a)save money, b) not buy stuff that people may give at showers. Not sure at all where that balance is and struggle with it continuously.

So glad you posted this thread. It really validates the reality of all I'm experiencing.

Thanks--
Amy